Online relationships

[Shadow]

Twazzle has asked me to share my experiences of online dating with you, and so I'm happy to oblige in case it can help anybody, or anybody's even vaguely interested in hearing about it.

Basically I signed up to gaydar in the hopes of finding somebody to meet up with, first as friends, and then with a potential view to seeing how things might develop, not for sex and not for a quick thing whatever it wound up being ... I was tired of all that and just wanted to meet somebody I could relax and be myself with, and see if/how it moved on from there.

Since my best mate Matthew played rugby LOADS at the time, and I've always found myself attracted to manly men, I did a search for users with the word "rugby" in their username, and up popped DOZENS of them ... so I started randomly flicking through them, and lo and behold, Martyn was among them.

To cut a long story short, I PM'd him and said (seriously, but light-heartedly) that I read his profile and that I was bowled over by how genuine it came across, and that I'd love to have a chance to speak with him if he were interested, but I'd understand if not, and how the HELL could he POSSIBLY be single !! (check out his picture if you don't believe me - it's in my gallery on the site).

He came back :biggrin:, and so from there we moved to e-mailing each other, then MSN, then phoning, and that's where we stayed for about a year all told ... we made plans to see each other as time progressed, but things kept getting in the way, and so we kinda settled on just taking our time and getting to know each other better before we took that step.

When he first came to the airport I was thinking "he's probably nothing like his picture - I'm so nervous - Omigod calm down - he's probably some three-foot tall circus midget with an afro or something" ... and then he strolled nonchalantly through the arrivals gate and, not being corny ? Took my breath away.

He was STUNNING - I still remember it now ... just thinking "Oh my God - he's real !!" :redface:.

He was going to be staying with me at my place, and so I made up a spare bed for him for obvious reasons ('twas the first time we'd met, and even though we met as potential boyfriends, I didn't want him to feel AT ALL pressured in case I wasn't to his liking in person or what have you), but no - the first night we slept together was magic - he was so sensitive and considerate - no jumping me - just gentle, tender and loving ... he's a find bless him :biggrin:.

Twazzle asked me whether I found it hard-going with us having taken so long, and the answer is yes and no ... as things have developed between us I think I speak for us both when I say we're really looking forward to the time when we can be together on a more permanent basis - however, we're not mugs OR fools, and so we appreciate (as your average pragmatic Taurus should) that it's better to move slowly and surely than to rush and have it collapse ...

... so our maturity has acted as the buffer for our desire to move things forward ... and it's all (touch wood) going really well at the moment.

We're looking at relocating him to Jersey, but it's again become a movable feast - we're GOING to do it - we keep saying soon, but there are obvious material issues to sort out (like what to do with his house 'n that) - I want him to keep it and rent it out, just in case things don't work out - I wouldn't want him to sacrifice everything and move to Jersey if it didn't happen (NOT that I see that being the case, but again, I'm a pragmatist).

So there we have it ! Proof that online relationships CAN develop into even more beautiful real-life ones ... it doesn't always happen obviously, but it can mile:.

all.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

P.s. Obviously if you have any questions about this or owt else, just fire away - my life's an open book so I'm happy to answer honestly.

[Mark]

Hmm see I still think id find it well hard.. What I like about online is you get to know the person not the sex and that.. But what made you suddenly decide, "wow I want things to go further with a guy which lives MILES away"

[Shadow]

It was a very gradual process to be honest ...

I didn't genuinely think he'd be interested as I regarded him as somewhat out of my league, so when he WAS I was a bit "whoa" ... I've always had a soft-spot for the Welsh as that's where Matthew went to university, AND I love the accent AND I think the Welsh are kickass because generally-speaking they are NOT shy in letting you know just what they think, which I respect.

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[Mark]

Slightly off topic, But Why do I love wales? - The whole country is patriatic.. Stands up for what they believe in. Each person has some pride of wales. The language has been there for YEARS and people still speak it.

Look how Cardiff reinvented itself? People from outside Cardiff wont understand but ive witnessed how they managed to restore the original beauty while adding modern touches which simply benefit the whole design. The culture in wales is COMPLETELY different from that of england.

My mum is english so is her mum, but her nan was welsh, dad is welsh. Ive been brought up to respect my roots, be proud of my country, Certain things really make me tingle inside. Im Truely proud to be welsh. If someone says where you from, Wales is my response.

Are you british? I reply Well yeh But I class myself as welsh. I dont want to leave wales as it is a beautiful country on soo many levels.


ANYWAY

Its good things built up because thats what you need slow build up not too many eggs into one basket all that. How come you didnt consider moving?

[futureRD]

I know this is Shadow's telling of his online experience, but my partner and I also met online.

He actually contacted me through yahoo personals. I had set up a free account and he sent me a wink. At first I wasn't that sure of it, he is 7 years older than me. My friend at work convinced me to pay the month long fee and so I did and responded. We talked for about 1-2 months before meeting. We got to know each other, but it was still nerve racking. We "knew" each other, but didn't KNOW each other. . . he also lived about 1.5-2 hours away. He actually relocated for me and to further his career. It'll be 3 years in Feb, and we are taking things very slowly, which I think is helping to keep us stronger....


Online dating can work, but you really do have to take chances and weed out the one night stands and the potential boyfriends.

[Michael]

I don't think it's strange at all.

If you are an honest person, meeting online first, before the chemicals get involved, is a perfect way to learn SO much about someone. Especially since being online lets you express things you might never do in person for all kinds of reasons. It enables a much faster internal intimacy.

(The trick here is whether it "sticks" once you meet, and that's anyones guess)

But although we are talking sexual relationships here, I'd like to interject that while these may be hit and miss, FRIENDSHIPS thrive online, especially enabling us to talk and befriend people we might NEVER think about in real life.

Shadow and I have never met in person. But in the almost (good christ) ten years we have known each other, we've shared things that I know "I" at least have never shared with others....even my husband. And I like to believe I was there for him during one of the hardest times in his life, and made a difference.

I believe this is a friendship for life, even when we have long weeks sometimes when we don't talk at all. The very nature of our friendship allows this without (much!!) regret or hurt feelings. He's always there, a click away.

We've never met yet he is one of the most important people I have in my life. One who knows me in some ways much better than most.

IF this is combined with the luck of a sexual parring, then there is every possibility it will hold the distance. The chance of meeting ones life partner in the same town or village is really pushing the odds of probability. The net allows us to scout the world to meet like minds.

;-)

[Shadow]

Awwwwwwww babe !!

Yeah, just to fill in the blanks and flesh-out the situation for the benefit of others, Michael and I met when I posted about a situation that I was experiencing which WAS and REMAINS the single most awful and wonderful thing I've ever had in my life, and it took me to the very lowest ebbs I've E.V.E.R experienced ...

... and Michael wasn't just there to console me - he grabbed me by the arm when I needed it most and DRAGGED me back to my feet (REPEATEDLY I might add), made sure I could stand, and helped me walk the path again ... and now here I am !!

So I owe him more than words alone can convey, and yes - I do consider him to be one of my very best and closest friends, even though (as he says) we've never met.

He knows me better than virtually anybody else in my life, and I'm blessed to have him in my life :biggrin:.

Love ya babe xxx .

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[wouldlikemuscle]

^^ and it can be said you are doing for others what has been done for you x

[Shadow]

:redface:



xx

!?!?! Shadow !?!?!

[Michael]

It's a pleasure doing things for the people we love..even when it involves a hell of a lot of patience and butt kicking!

And we've had MORE than our share of very, very silly hours (more than several peoples actually).... that he still has a job is a miracle ;-)

So back on topic, I think it's not that surprising that people make such close contacts on line. Physical attraction, in my opinion, is there partially to keep you together long enough so you have the time to learn the inner most parts of a person. Bit by bit between the sweaty, passionate parts. It's why sometimes it takes us a couple of years before we realize the one we are with is a total tit!



Meeting online often gives you that chance as well, for all the reasons already stated.