So for the past 3 months...

[MidgetGem]

Theres alot people don't know about me and for the past 3/4 months due to a build of heavy workloads (college work, clients, freelance work etc), stress, money worries, the thought of failing my family and never being "somebody" I've been having what you might call... suicidal thoughts and trying to curb them and shove them out the door but now, with the thought of not being accepted into University and graduating my current college course they've stepped back into the picture BIG time, as I've fallen behind with college work, client work that's overdue and universities not responding to my applications...

Yet they've replied to everyone else in my class who, needless to say are not any better off than me, have only been there a year and spend all there time out drinking alcohol with friends and put no effort into their work. Where as me, I've been at this college for four years, have fought long and hard enough to get what I want but still.. It's a fight, despite the endless struggles, and effort I put into things.

Hence why now, it's almost like, what is the point, why should I have to fight all the time just to get by, my health is in a downwards spiral both physically and mentally. Yet no one knows, I constantly help out others as a way of getting some free-time from my own problems but this.. has an adverse effect with friends only speaking to me when they need help, when I need it most myself but do not dare tell anyone.

Years ago in high school I suffered from these same thoughts of just giving up the fight and ending it all as back then I went through hell from constant bullying and likewise, fighting, struggling to get by and get some good grades/qualifications. Here I am again with the same thoughts rushing back in as the cycle repeats.

I really don't know where to turn, what to do or how to get over these thoughts this time round, I've spoken to a "friend" or two - through FaceBook about it only to have them ignore me with the words "Yeh" and "Ok" followed swiftly by going offline in a bid to ignore/avoid the situation I've put them in..

[pellaz]

there are lots more important things than family, college, client work.
Its you.
Put yourself first.

[MidgetGem]

there are lots more important things than family, college, client work.
Its you.
Put yourself first.

I try, but I find myself feeling extremely guilty, because to me it seems selfish.

That I should shove my worries, problems aside and help others instead and focus on my work.

[zeon]

ello mister,
Life is a fight we fight til the day we die and we never give up. Dont be dampen by the things that have caused u to feel as though u cant get anywhere because there is plenty of colleges and uni around the country and if those close to home dont accept ya apply at others.. When we grow from child to adul;t we have a dream and dreams dont happen unless we fight... With suicide just think if u do that those dreams arent going to happen and uni will come along... Seek further advice or try telephoning the universities to chase them up and find out why they wont respond and explain time is running out and u need to know your next step in life...

Dont give up or get dis heartened lil one u will get there and trhings will go to plan believe in life and life will being to beleive in itself....

[Nick9]

Hi MidgetGem,
I am afraid that there are not many "innocent" people out there who will understand. You need to find someone who was there himself.
People who suffer depression think differently. And unfortunately, it is an unshareable experience.

You seem to hold your head above water pretty well so far Congratulation!!!
That's really great and I know how much effort it takes.

Because you still can, I would concentrate on logic What is it that hurts you the most? The Uni? Try to persuade your head that it is not the right time to panic. The positive answer can still arrive in your mail box tomorrow. Is there any deadline?
Even if the answer isn't positive, it won't be the end of your dreams. It would not be good, I know. But when you sent your applications you knew there was this posibility.

I am not sure how it works in Great Britain, but I believe you would have a chance to apply next year too. See? A backup plan. Still no need to panic.

I know it would suck but it is not the right reason to play with the thought of reaching to the darkest part of your mind.

You need to start taking care of yourself too. Now. Many people just don't know how. I understand. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt

You need to try with little things first. Don't offer help that is not crucial. Then follow with No. It is okay to say no. It creates a bigger personal space around you and you will be able do take a deep breath.
You are very important. You have your feelings and NEEDS and your mission is not unconditionaly helping others when it hurts you in the process.
IT IS OKAY TO SAY NO. Really.

It took me a year in school to gather all my courage to say no to one person. I wasn't exactly victim of bullying, but my unability to say no had put me in a position that kept hurting me. It's been years, but I still remember that day when I said No. And guess what. The world kept rotating. And I was free. I can't believe it took me a year of mental suffering.

People don't like guys who help all the time. They use them. You need to love yourself first. Then the others will too. If I put it really simple, you love someone because he knows his value. It shows.

If you are really busy, your free time is precious. You can't dedicate it to someone else when it hurs you.

Concentrate on your studies and on yourself. Great mental discomfort can develop into a physical disease (second T-shirt for me). Leave as much stress out of your day as you can.
And take care of yourself. Try to say No at least once a day. Learn how to enjoy "me time."

And come back and tell us, we won't go offline


oh, well... but now I will LOL It took me an hour to write you the answer, it's 1a.m. and I am dead tired. Hang in there

[Rainbowmum]

Midge ,sweetie,

My head is spinning from the amount of pressure you are placing on yourself.
It's not healthy babe , not at all.

Client can wait and even be replaced ,universities are always slow in sending out a reply.
Give them a ring , it wont hurt , it will show them how keen you are.

You need to seek some professional help .

You will never fail your parents , they love you and care about you .
Prioritize, what is important now ;make a list what is important to your future?
As Nick said , It's okay to say No. and at times it vital to your survival to say it.

Do not lat anyone take you for granted , if you are feeling used and overlooked , talk to them.

Please ,talk to a councilor and get help.
Nothing and no one is worth depleting your life over.

Forget Facebook , talk to us , we won't ignore you.

Always here for you sweetie.

[James]

Hi MidgetGem, take some deep breathes, slow down, wait for a response, but also like rainbowmum says, show interest, call or send follow up so they know you are interested, that will also bring your name back up if you fell through the cracks, I have had info I sent to universities disappear, only to reappear when I rattled the cage. Don't give up, life can be a wonderful thing as I know tonight, hang in there let us all know how it goes, Jim

[mrk2010]

Theres alot people don't know about me and for the past 3/4 months due to a build of heavy workloads (college work, clients, freelance work etc), stress, money worries, the thought of failing my family and never being "somebody" I've been having what you might call... suicidal thoughts and trying to curb them and shove them out the door but now, with the thought of not being accepted into University and graduating my current college course they've stepped back into the picture BIG time, as I've fallen behind with college work, client work that's overdue and universities not responding to my applications...

Yet they've replied to everyone else in my class who, needless to say are not any better off than me, have only been there a year and spend all there time out drinking alcohol with friends and put no effort into their work. Where as me, I've been at this college for four years, have fought long and hard enough to get what I want but still.. It's a fight, despite the endless struggles, and effort I put into things.

Hence why now, it's almost like, what is the point, why should I have to fight all the time just to get by, my health is in a downwards spiral both physically and mentally. Yet no one knows, I constantly help out others as a way of getting some free-time from my own problems but this.. has an adverse effect with friends only speaking to me when they need help, when I need it most myself but do not dare tell anyone.

Years ago in high school I suffered from these same thoughts of just giving up the fight and ending it all as back then I went through hell from constant bullying and likewise, fighting, struggling to get by and get some good grades/qualifications. Here I am again with the same thoughts rushing back in as the cycle repeats.

I really don't know where to turn, what to do or how to get over these thoughts this time round, I've spoken to a "friend" or two - through FaceBook about it only to have them ignore me with the words "Yeh" and "Ok" followed swiftly by going offline in a bid to ignore/avoid the situation I've put them in..

Right I'm gonna be totally blunt and honest when I give my opinion on this. First of all I think you should perhaps talk to someone preferably a mental health practitioner, it doesn't have to be over a long period of time and you might feel it helps you, because it seems like you are stuck in a rut. You also seem over worked and this can't be helping I myself get ridiculously depressed when I have too much on or too much too much to do over a little space of time. By talking to someone you may be able to prioritise in what order to carry out you massive big long list of things. Also do you have a personal tutor at college? I know when I was at sixth form we all had one to talk to if we were having troubles, talk to him or her and let them know you are having troubles and this could be affecting the quality of the work you are producing, if they are made aware of this you may be able to apply for personal extenuating circumstances which may mean you get special conditions with your work.

Right now for the blunt part . . .

Applying for university in England and Scotland is a lot harder than when I did it in 2008, there is more competition for spaces and institutions have a lot of applications for spaces on their courses which they will have to sift through. Also when you applied on UCAS was everything sent on time? If it was later, it may take longer for you to have a response. Your application may have unfortunately have been unsuccessful and other candidates may have had a stronger application or are stronger academically hence them hearing things back. Also the courses your friends applied for may have very little competition therefore there are more spaces. Just because you apply for university doesn't mean you are guaranteed to get a replied, I remember when I applied I wanted to study zoology but I settled for biology because there wasn't spaces on that course.

Also I honestly believe you should prioritise what you want out of life, you can't do everything doing college, extracurricular jobs and the like. Personally I would prioritise your college work as it is the key for getting in to uni but it's your choice. On another note as someone with experience with it, if you aren't coping too well now I'm not going to lie university is a lot more intense and harder and you simply won't be able to cope. You honestly have to give your life up to get decent grades, have little time for yourself and make big sacrifices. Have you thought possibly of taking a break? This may help and maybe you can collect your thoughts and figure out what you want from life.

I hope this helps, if you have any questions about uni or anything else, feel free to pm me.

Cheers,

Mrk2010

[dfiant]

Theres alot people don't know about me and for the past 3/4 months due to a build of heavy workloads (college work, clients, freelance work etc), stress, money worries, the thought of failing my family and never being "somebody" I've been having what you might call... suicidal thoughts and trying to curb them and shove them out the door but now, with the thought of not being accepted into University and graduating my current college course they've stepped back into the picture BIG time, as I've fallen behind with college work, client work that's overdue and universities not responding to my applications...

Yet they've replied to everyone else in my class who, needless to say are not any better off than me, have only been there a year and spend all there time out drinking alcohol with friends and put no effort into their work. Where as me, I've been at this college for four years, have fought long and hard enough to get what I want but still.. It's a fight, despite the endless struggles, and effort I put into things.

Hence why now, it's almost like, what is the point, why should I have to fight all the time just to get by, my health is in a downwards spiral both physically and mentally. Yet no one knows, I constantly help out others as a way of getting some free-time from my own problems but this.. has an adverse effect with friends only speaking to me when they need help, when I need it most myself but do not dare tell anyone.

Years ago in high school I suffered from these same thoughts of just giving up the fight and ending it all as back then I went through hell from constant bullying and likewise, fighting, struggling to get by and get some good grades/qualifications. Here I am again with the same thoughts rushing back in as the cycle repeats.

I really don't know where to turn, what to do or how to get over these thoughts this time round, I've spoken to a "friend" or two - through FaceBook about it only to have them ignore me with the words "Yeh" and "Ok" followed swiftly by going offline in a bid to ignore/avoid the situation I've put them in..

WOW! I mean WOW!!!

Mate, you are under so much pressure, where is the 'YOU' time?

I think your suicidal thoughts are a cry for help, don't let things get any more stressful, you need to see a counsellor to get the tools to help you prioritize things in your life. A Financial counsellor at your local bank, a life counsellor at your youth centre.

Are all these things that you are doing THAT important to you, are they fun for you, what are your rewards, are the rewards worth everything you are putting yourself through, are some of the things you are doing be put on the back burner for the time being so you can focus on the most important things, the most rewarding things.

I admire your dedication enormously, but my concern is for your health. Please don't be too proud to ask for help

[faceslikemine]

There are always alternative options if you don't get into your course. For instance, there's clearing - though I don't really know how that works. You can learn more on the UCAS site.

If it is absolutely impossible for you to get into the course you want this year, you could do what I did and go for the nearest thing with an aim of re-applying after you graduate. A degree will certainly boost your academic record if that's the problem.

Otherwise, perhaps taking a gap year would be a good idea. It seems you need to take some time out to think about what you NEED to do, less about what you feel you MUST do; this would be an ample opportunity to do that. It would also give you lots more to add to your personal statement when you re-apply - another positive!

Do you have a personal tutor at your college, with whom you can talk to about this? I think seeing a counsellor is a definite must for your emotional troubles but your tutor may be able to advise you on what to do in terms of applying to university, clearing and the like. The most important thing to do is get help.

Don't sit and worry about this alone. You lose nothing by talking to someone. And remember, you have the rest of your life to build your dreams - don't lose heart if you don't get lucky the first time around. Think positive and be sure to have a back-up plan if you don't get the news you were hoping for.

Hang in there