Guy Stop Texting

[invis85]

Hey Guys,

I want to share my story and get some feedback/advice from you guys. I am thinking I shouldn't worry/overthink this, but I'm curious why this happened a few times.

Just before Christmas, I started chatting with this guy from online dating site. He was vacationing at the time. Then after the new year, he had to stay in another city for 3 months due to work, of which he did not mention it until he was there, which was fine. We've been consistently texting each other via phone since then, and had FaceTime and talked on phone on several occasions. Seems like we're going to meet for sure when he's back in April!

But I sent him a text end of last week a couple times and he hasn't replied me...I wasn't sure what's up cux we've been pretty much sending each other text every other day...he's a decent guy who doesn't seem like he wants to hook up. And I asked is he on the site for hooking up and he said no. So I just wasn't sure why we've been connecting for almost 3 months and when he's almost back in town, he stops replying...he's been online everyday too.

We've exchange pictures. Yes, of course we've flirted. But also we talked about our days, about our daily life, about his career future, about his dog, general things also. We've also been saying we can't wait til April to come cux he's coming back. We never set a date to meet, but I've said let's do stuff together this summer...like hiking or walking his dog around town...and the conversation kept going...it's not like he ever gave me any indication he only wanted to chat but never meet.

For me, I think a guy would not spend effort into texting you, calling you long distance, and FaceTime a person you haven't met yet if you never plan to actually meet that person? Or am I wrong?

Similar thing happened to me before too. The guy just stop communicating and responding me. I honestly don't bombard the guys with text. I send my message once and don't demand a response with more text.

Am I doing something wrong?

I am not devastated. I haven't met the guy yet, so I'm not heartbroken since I held low expectations. But the build up over the 3 months has caused quite a disappointment. A really big "Too Bad" is looming over me.

==================

Hey everybody,

Just want to give an update to this story. I sent him a text message via phone again the first week of April (after he came back to our city permanently) and again no response.

On the dating website, he changed it to in a relationship and only looking for friends a few days ago.

It's all clear now. He probably has always been in a relationship while the whole time talking with me the past three months. So I guess I was his 'harmless' entertainment while he got bored out of town and no boyfriend around. Or he may have speedily entered into the "in a relationship" status after he got back to town. In any case, it's over now.

But I am still so surprised how affected I am...I guess I really thought there was something and that we would have a chance to develop our attractions towards each other.

[ceez]

I was thinking one of two things, either he got really busy with work when he got back or he has someone else at home. not really sure since I've never been on a date or flirted with a guy before :frown: that's my two cents.

[Nick9]

Hi invis,
I am not sure, if I got it right. He stopped texting you, but you still see him going online sometimes? Or has he disappeared completely?
Maybe you could use other way of getting in touch with him (not texts), offer him a neutral topic to talk about and don't mention your seeing each other.

Maybe he just got nervous. Or maybe he was comfortable in having a long-distance friendship with you and now he is not sure how to tell you.

[pellaz]

so he stopped texting when he was done with his work related travel?
who was taking care of his dog while he was away?

i am sorry if i read your initial post incorrectly but I am thinking he is back home with his people and has less time

[XRIMO]

This has happened to me numerous times (actually, pretty well any guy I've displayed interest in), if you are lucky he may come back, but you should probably just need to let go for the time being. Its hard, but it happens.

[Rainbowmum]

I would say do not get your hopes up.
Be realistic about things , ask him straight out.

[invis85]

@Nick9: He is still online almost everyday...I messaged him 2x already. I feel that is enough to notify him "hey what's up?" I don't want to bombard a guy with multiple texts.

@pellaz: His work project lasts three months and he is still out of town. Not back home yet. The thing is, he will be back first week of April, and he just stopped responding last weekend! So close!
And his dog is with him out of town But he says when he travels, his dog loves daycare and spends time with its dog friends! So cute!

Also, his best friend visited him a few weeks ago and the friend was staying at his place, and he STILL responded to my message. And he always texts me at work too. I just don't understand what might have gone wrong.

@XRIMO: Why do you think this happens though. I mean if we're texting for a week or two and stop, that's understandable, but almost three months of texting and suddenly stopped? He's been on vacation, work, best friend visits, weekends. I cannot think of any scenario where he invested some time and then just disappear when we could meet for real. I guess I'm just bummed out about that. Three months is quite a build up when you chat everyday.

My plan is though, when he is back, I would send him a message again congratulate his return, that I enjoyed the time we connected, and wondering if he would like to walk his dog with me sometime

[Prometheus]

Also, his best friend visited him a few weeks ago and the friend was staying at his place, and he STILL responded to my message. And he always texts me at work too. I just don't understand what might have gone wrong.

He's been on vacation, work, best friend visits, weekends.

Pardon my callousness, but is his best friend a guy, by chance?

[XRIMO]

@XRIMO: Why do you think this happens though. I mean if we're texting for a week or two and stop, that's understandable, but almost three months of texting and suddenly stopped? He's been on vacation, work, best friend visits, weekends. I cannot think of any scenario where he invested some time and then just disappear when we could meet for real. I guess I'm just bummed out about that. Three months is quite a build up when you chat everyday.

And I talked to a guy for over a year online and he just upped and vanished, it happens. It hurts, but you have to move on. You can hope all you like, but unless there is a really good excuse and if he's being honest, you may just be building yourself for a big fall. Believe me, you may just want to spare yourself some agony and start looking for a new guy.

[Nick9]

Hi,
I think if you really want to know what is going on, you can call him from some other phone than from your cell. If you text him and he doesn't answer, or call him from your cell and he doesn't answer there will be always this "maybe" (maybe he is busy, etc) instead of admitting that there is a possibility, that he doesn't want to answer.
But I am not sure, if you want to do that.
I am in a slightly similar situation now, I've sent a business email and haven't get any response yet. I don't want to call them and ask again, because it will look like I make a pressure on them, but the deadline is approaching...

I would love to tell you something positive, but I don't know. It is possible that he has met someone. I am sorry. I hate when people are hiding like that.