Sorry this is so long. Just hoping for some advice from people who have been in a gay relationship as this POTENTIALLY may be my first (and as such I might actually be a bit over-eager about it...). I'm starting to develop some huge infatuation problems with this guy (though from my prior girlfriend relationships I know to keep it hidden, so I'm not over-texting or anything), and I'm wondering if anyone can tell me if this guy seems like he likes me or not. But here it is:
I met this guy online. He's hung out with me twice now in two days (probably adding to this insane clingy thing that's starting to develop with me). First time was two days ago: we just hung out for about an hour and talked, made out a bit, and furthest we got was just exchanging bj's (very brief though cause he said he doesn't like giving bj's...). Then I hung out with him yesterday again, and we just chilled.... tried having sex but then he did the whole "i don't like giving bj's" and "i don't want dick in my butt" and then he himself got soft.... so we just chilled in a hot tub. He tells me its cause he whacked off earlier, but really altogether gave me the vibe like he doesn't like me (he didn't say it, but he doesn't seem to like to kiss too much either... just vibe thing, he seems to pull back a bit and keep his mouth very closed and stuff). He also doesn't text back much when I text him (usually like 1 to 2 hours after I send him a text he'll answer).
But at the same time, he does weird things like tell me about how he's looking for a relationship, and that he has nobody else he's interested in right now, and tells me to call him as soon as I get home everytime. It actually looks like he's trying. I do realize I'm falling too fast for the guy. He's exactly my type, and hillarious to talk to, and we click like friends really. Thing is, I decided today maybe he doesn't like me and I won't msg him again, and he goes and sends me a text out of the blue asking me how i'm doing. So whats up with this guy? Note, according to him, this would be his second relationship, first one lasting barely a month (so its not like he's completely new to this...).
This may be relevant, he also said he's usually not into non-hairy guys (i don't have much body hair)... but he's also the one who messaged me first online. According to him he wanted to "try something different"....
Am i keeping my hopes up unnecessarily?
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usaname Wrote:Sorry this is so long. Just hoping for some advice from people who have been in a gay relationship as this POTENTIALLY may be my first (and as such I might actually be a bit over-eager about it...). I'm starting to develop some huge infatuation problems with this guy (though from my prior girlfriend relationships I know to keep it hidden, so I'm not over-texting or anything), and I'm wondering if anyone can tell me if this guy seems like he likes me or not. But here it is:
I met this guy online. He's hung out with me twice now in two days (probably adding to this insane clingy thing that's starting to develop with me). First time was two days ago: we just hung out for about an hour and talked, made out a bit, and furthest we got was just exchanging bj's (very brief though cause he said he doesn't like giving bj's...). Then I hung out with him yesterday again, and we just chilled.... tried having sex but then he did the whole "i don't like giving bj's" and "i don't want dick in my butt" and then he himself got soft.... so we just chilled in a hot tub. He tells me its cause he whacked off earlier, but really altogether gave me the vibe like he doesn't like me (he didn't say it, but he doesn't seem to like to kiss too much either... just vibe thing, he seems to pull back a bit and keep his mouth very closed and stuff). He also doesn't text back much when I text him (usually like 1 to 2 hours after I send him a text he'll answer).
But at the same time, he does weird things like tell me about how he's looking for a relationship, and that he has nobody else he's interested in right now, and tells me to call him as soon as I get home everytime. It actually looks like he's trying. I do realize I'm falling too fast for the guy. He's exactly my type, and hillarious to talk to, and we click like friends really. Thing is, I decided today maybe he doesn't like me and I won't msg him again, and he goes and sends me a text out of the blue asking me how i'm doing. So whats up with this guy? Note, according to him, this would be his second relationship, first one lasting barely a month (so its not like he's completely new to this...).
This may be relevant, he also said he's usually not into non-hairy guys (i don't have much body hair)... but he's also the one who messaged me first online. According to him he wanted to "try something different"....
Am i keeping my hopes up unnecessarily?
I haven't been in a formal relationship before, but it sounds like he is trying, but is perhaps just holding onto you until he finds someone better or is sure of what he wants. Personally, I prefer it when i'm chased, because I've chased people all my life and been rejected, so now I detest it.
You sound like how I used to be, but you have to just relax and let things happen naturally. Let him come to you sometimes and if doesn't then you have to be strong enough to break it off, because a relationship requires give and take and you don't want to be giving everything you are to him, because he will take it and run.
Even myself, I would pursue a guy, but only after he's initiated it, because I know the pain of rejection, whether it be friendship or whatever.
Don't lose yourself in this guy, especially if he isn't reciprocating it.
Hope I helped :biggrin: .
(also, you said he doesn't like dick in his butt, so perhaps he's a top? Have you tried to bottom for him, he could be one of those "top only" guys. :confused: ).
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hmmm....he is not making it easy...I would say that he does seem to be interested with you...maybe take things slower...get to know each other on a more emotional level and then he may get more comfortable with you physically. He seems to be nervous and fairly new to this area (not into Bj or anal). This is something maybe you can discuss...also..why did the last one end? Maybe you should build a relationship with him and then see if it can turn into something more.
Good Luck tho buddy!
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helklo,
] I figured id let you know that meeting people off line and making a relationship is a pretty unsuccessful thing because usually guys only look for a shag and the fact that he isnt w2illing to give you pleasure and satisfaction can only mean he wants a shag and thats it... Dont waste anymore time with him get out there show your true colours and in time your find someone clicks with you in an unplanned moment and all goesa good again
Kindest regards
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Aunty zeon x
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QueenOdi Wrote:(also, you said he doesn't like dick in his butt, so perhaps he's a top? Have you tried to bottom for him, he could be one of those "top only" guys. :confused: ).
i did offer to bottom, but then he went soft and said it was cause he whacked off earlier that day. when i asked him if it was me he said "it can't be you, an ass is just an ass anyways" or something like that... iunno...
but thanks for the advice. It's just hard cause he's got that whole nice guy charm thing going on which tricks me into thinking he's worth falling for too... but i'll definitely keep your advice in mind. I'll probably back off completely and let him initiate from now
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usaname Wrote:he said he doesn't like giving bj's...)
"i don't want dick in my butt"
he doesn't seem to like to kiss too much either he seems to pull back
He's exactly my type, and hilarious to talk to, and we click like friends really.
Am i keeping my hopes up unnecessarily?
not relationship material or you need to move much slower
as a friend yes
you need to be careful with this one.
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The answer to any uncertainties is communication, just talk to him about whether he thinks the relationship is in a good place or going somewhere.
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Doesn't kiss a guy, doesn't like dick sucking, doesn't like anal - are you sure he's gay? :o
He may be a 'total top' but then he lost interest when you said he could top you.
Its a puzzlement.
I get a vibe here that is screaming 'Danger Will Robinson'.
I would suggest tactfully backing out of this, carefully. Something is 'wrong'.
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Mmm he's said 'he has nobody else he's interested in right now' and he's meeting up with you. This does sound like a hook up and experimentation rather than the start of a beautiful relationship.
If someone makes you feel insecure and not confident in yourself it's not a healthy relationship.
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A couple things:
1) If he's your age (early 20's), there's NO excuse for not being able to get hard - even if he jacked off earlier in the day. I am alot older than you guys and i can get hard quickly even if i jacked off that day (even just an hour earlier). So, the fact that he wasn't able to get/stay hard is a red flag for me.
2) Not really into oral or anal - WHAT? Now, i get how some newly gay guys are leery of anal, but oral? Um, I know sex isn't the ONLY thing in an LTR, but ummm, what DOES he want to do? What turns him on? If it's not oral or anal - just j/o? Hmmmm......red flag #2
3) His statements about "wanting a relationship" and "no one special right now" - um, what are you? Chopped liver? I have a feeling that right now you're filling a void (temporarilly) in his life and will keep you around until he finds what he "thinks" he wants.
If it were me, i'd pull back slowly. I'd stop texting him. See if he reaches out to you. I'm not getting a good feeling about this, so just be careful and try to work past the fact that he's "ideal" for you - because you know in your heart-of-heart that there's alot in him that's NOT ideal.
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gay relationship advice needed. new to this
