I think anything what people want in their lifes is Ok... important is, that there is no pressure, everyone want´s it that way and that there is no jealousy....
I tried it as I was younger... and it was not good for me... I´m a bit a Macho and you know... a Macho want that he is the sun and the stars turn around him... and a relationship with more people makes the macho to the moon who has to turn around the earth and the sun :-)
A other example is... I helped a guy through his coming out.... watched what he does, was always there if he needs to talk, waited till he comes home that he can call me and so on... he got a partner who told him that a open relationship is the best what they could do... but he was more then 15 years older than this guy and used him to show his friends how great it can be to have sex with a younger guy, every weekend another of his friends.... he used MY "little brother" to have sex.... there you could see how a wolf acts if someone hurts his puppys :-) ... I slammed him again the kitchen door and helped him to get a bloody nose ....:redface:
Relationships with more then 2 guys can be great ... but can bring a lot of problems
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If it is just lust , go for it.
However love is a completely different affair.
Once you tag emotions on to it, boy do the feathers fly.
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JRiver Wrote:Wow, this is a version I've never heard before. Your concern would be that the "other person" would be/feel left out because you and your partner prefer to be together whenever you can. How nice for you! And how thoughtful and considerate toward "the other person". Maybe you should leave well enough alone. Still, perhaps all three of you would be incredible together, if it were to happen that way!
Anyway, congrats on your happiness!
Thanks...I kinda found out this "version" from experience. I got a very detailed 7 page long letter/proposal from someone about 3 years into our relationship. To cut to the chase..he wanted to become lovers with both of us. He happened to have been the best sexual experience I had ever had prior to my lover who became my new best sexual experience so I told my lover about it...he was intrigued...and we developed a sexual relationship based on pure lust. It rocked...we had a great time and we were and still are...good friends
......the intimacy thing just did not happen but we were both open to it...just wasn't there. I know he wanted it to be and eventually I had to tell him that it wasn't gonna work as lovers....it was a nice idea though and the proposal was intriguing and the sex was intense...glad we did it.
...but we know now that we are selfish with each other's time....not really fair to the other person.
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I'm very traditional when it comes to my own life/relationships and wouldn't engage or let myself be put in a situation that would compromise my views on monogamy.
As for others, I believe each to their own, if all are happy and comfortable then so be it, it's just not for me.
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My ex-girlfriend is poly. She currently has 2 boyfriends, at the max she had 3. The 2 that she's had, one of them started off as being her only boyfriend a little over 4 years ago I think, and then both of them agreed on the poly expirement and the current 2nd boyfriend has been with her for...at least a year I think.
They work really well on it. And theirs is strained because the 2nd boyfriend lives a few states away, so it's mostly long-term except when they can visit. There is plans to move in, and we'll see if that changes things, but both guys get along pretty well together and I honestly don't see them butting heads.
She's said the biggest thing to overcome is jealousy. And it is a lot of work, maintaining 2 love-relationships or more. It's not exactly commonplace in American culture either. But it is in other places, like in African cultures.
Personally, I wouldn't have a problem being a part of 1. If my girlfriend wanted to suddenly include another guy or girl in our relationship, I'd be ok with it. I'd probably be dealing with guilt a lot more than jealousy...feeling like if I actually pay attention to the other person, I'd be inciting jealousy in the other.
^_^
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ZackT Wrote:She's said the biggest thing to overcome is jealousy. And it is a lot of work, maintaining 2 love-relationships or more. It's not exactly commonplace in American culture either. But it is in other places, like in African cultures.
Polyamory isn't exactly common in any cultures I can think of, at least not in any official capacity, people engage in it everywhere though. It's important not to confuse polygamous family structures, which are often based around cultural understandings of economic marriage models, with a concept of polyamory or a contemporary Western understanding of a companionship/affection model. Some cultures also have filial understandings of relationships, where it is scene as a duty to family (like parentally arranged marriages).
Anyway, personally I can't go in for non-monogamous relationships, it's not my thing. But I don't have issues with other people doing it.
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ZackT Wrote:.... It's not exactly commonplace in American culture either. But it is in other places, like in African cultures.
Having spent a LOT of time in a polyamory forum on the internet, and having "met" (in this way) thousands of poly folk and had thousands of conversations on the subject... my sense of things is that there are way more poly folk than most folks would ever guess. But they are closeted, most of them. Invisible. They live in fear of being found out by friends, family, co-workers, employers... because being openly non-monogamous is a major cultural taboo in most places.
We've all met lots and lots of poly folks. We just didn't realize it!
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OrphanPip Wrote:Anyway, personally I can't go in for non-monogamous relationships, it's not my thing. But I don't have issues with other people doing it.
Sure, but you're 24. I was just like you when I was still wet behind the ears at 24. 
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Rainbowmum Wrote:If it is just lust , go for it.
However love is a completely different affair.
Once you tag emotions on to it, boy do the feathers fly.
Rainbowmum,
As you know, people come in all kinds. I belong to a "kind" in which "lust" and sex and "emotions" (feeling, bonding, warth, love...) are deeply intertwined. This appears to be relatively rare in gay/bi/queer men. But we do exist, and we find it difficult to understand folks who think its perfectly safe and okay to engage in sex without feeling (aside from "lower chakra" excitation).
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With all the different combinations of personality in history and the world, it just seems logical that certain people can be successfully polyamorous. I would also think that it wouldn't be everybody, for some it just wouldn't work, just as there may even be people who can only be polyamorous. Different degrees across the board I'm sure. I think it's to be encouraged as long as it emulates the ideals of what we know to be positive for relationships, despite the different dynamics.
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