Wikipedia says of polyamory, "Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved." (Google [Wikipeida polyamory])
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Most polyamorous folks call themselves "poly" for short.
Although neither my partner (of 15+ years) nor I have not had any enduring simultaneous romantic relationships, we've both had a very few tries at it. Neither of us are particularly jealous or possessive. This is an understatement, really. We feel comfortable and secure enough in our love for one another that there is very little fear that one of us will run off with another, or that our expanding our relationship/s will somehow harm the love we share.
It seems to me lots of guys have "open relationships," but that what is "open" is only the option to have sex with others -- so long as no lasting loving bond is created. This works okay for some people, but some of us just don't get into sex with strangers, or people we are not close to emotionally and otherwise. So polyamory is a good fit for some people, but lots of people don't seem to know it is an option. And most people seem to think polyamory is impossible, freakish, immoral, etc. That is, it is culturally taboo.
These are just some thoughts, a quick opening sketch. I thought the topic should be up for discussion.
I'm welcoming to comments and questions.
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hello,
I think in any relationship if two people agree to some rules and regulations it can work... I have tried open and closed relationships and despite not being jhelous i found my partner at the time waws so it never worked lol
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I've found that what people call "jealousy" is usually -- almost always! -- just insecurity and fear. It's the fear that one will not be fully and genuinely loved, or that one will be abandoned, and so on.
When two people are VERY SURE that they are loved by their partner/s and have little or no reason to feel they might be abandoned, they can explore "letting" their partner love another, or even two others. (I'm skeptical of really large numbers here, by the way. Three others? Gosh, that'd be very difficult, simply due to the fact that relationships involve spending precious time together.
My feeling is that poly relationships have the best chance of success when all of the people involved have kind and loving feelings toward all of the people involved, and are at least friends. If ever I have two at once (again -- though my attempts have been brief), I want us all to spend lots of time together, sharing in fun (recreational) activities, sharing meals, and the like. Of course, too, I'd like to spend one-one-one time with the two of 'em.
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well two is the minim for a relationship. Relationships in general are some level of effort and 50% of them fail. The positive side of that statistic is 50% survive. I would find multiple partners more effort and prone to failure more unstable. We are not talking about jealousy issues either.
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Hi! Welcome! I think polyamory is cool...I vote for anything that frees people's minds and bodies and hearts....me and my lover have a friend who is polyamorous and he is one of the most interesting people I have ever met and I quite enjoy his outlook. I could consider it as neither one of us have the jealousy or possessiveness thing going on but we are both kinda selfish about spending time with each other so it might be unfair to the other person.
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pellaz Wrote:.... I would find multiple partners more effort and prone to failure more unstable. We are not talking about jealousy issues either.
Yeah, I do suppose it would be more effort. For some, it would be way too much effort. But I suppose we're all different, and for some the additional effort would not be too much trouble. I've definitely come to the realization that polyamory isn't for everyone. But neither is soccer, or Thai cooking, or needlepoint.
In my own case, part of the appeal of polyamory is that I don't have to ( I don't want to!) leave my long term partner in order to experience a new love -- and after 15+ years, and with middle age, this is no small thing. After all, I'm in my middle forties and I've only had two enduring romantic / sexual relationships! And I'm the sort of guy who thrives on new experiences. I have to be honest with myself about that. And little in life is quite so exciting as being in love. Skydiving doesn't appeal to me, nor bungee jumping or rock climbing. My favorite adventure is loving relationship. (At its best, it is a quiet adventure!)
Anyway, polyamory may put more strain on some relationships while taking some strain off from yet others. In fact, when my partner and I were both involved, long ago, with another guy, our relationship got stronger(!). But that guy was a bit crazy, and we all parted ways after a shortish while.
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East Wrote:.... I could consider it as neither one of us have the jealousy or possessiveness thing going on but we are both kinda selfish about spending time with each other so it might be unfair to the other person.
Wow, this is a version I've never heard before. Your concern would be that the "other person" would be/feel left out because you and your partner prefer to be together whenever you can. How nice for you! And how thoughtful and considerate toward "the other person". Maybe you should leave well enough alone. Still, perhaps all three of you would be incredible together, if it were to happen that way!
Anyway, congrats on your happiness!
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Some people can make it work, for others it is more difficult. I've considered it. AS long as safe sex is practiced it is alright. I also think that it is admitting that we like more than one person. It is nearly impossible to go through life without new novelties sex/relationship wise. Polyamory solves this because individuals can pursue many relationships as long as they are open, honest, and genuine, and there are no social sanctions for it.
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As long as everyone is happy in their relationship I don't find anything wrong with it. I would be very uncomfortable in a relationship that was only open sexually but I actually think I would be very happy in a polygamist relationship but specifically I do not want to be the person with the multiple partners. It's kind of my secret fantasy to have husband-brothers....
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Jayd Wrote:.... It is nearly impossible to go through life without new novelties sex/relationship wise.
I agree! However, we live in a society / culture which suggests there is something wrong with us if we desire such novelty, even after a couple of decades of monogamy. Monogamy is like religious faith in this respect. One is a pathetic sinner, a horrible loser, a creep, unloving even! if one desires a new love experience while already in a committed relationship. Or it is presumed that "something is wrong" with the original relationship. Well, nothing is wrong with my relationship with my partner. We love one another dearly and want to stay together. We sleep interlaced and awake to kisses and smiles.
Some gay/bi men handle this desire by having what is called "an open relationship" of a purely sexual kind. But I just don't get into sex with people I'm not extraordinarily affectionate toward. And if I'm affectionate, love might be right around the corner. For me, the heart and the groin are intertwined.
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