Hes married but likes me??

[Dan1980]

After reading replies and my posts, Im going to tread this situation very very carfully. I have to answer my curiosity only because it will never go down if I dont ask him what hes thinking, and I cant keep working like this. Im going to work up the courage to ask him for a drink night, and talk like normal blokes only! and see where that goes. And if I get one negative sniff of player, dirty on the wife, dirty on me and work, ignorance on his children, I will run away like road runner, as I dont want to be part of that at all. But if hes genuine, I will see what his deal is and how we can take it from there (maybe), like a genuine shoulder to lean on.

That's the best thing to do. Ask him for a drink and get to know him better. The way you have been talking about I think he likes you. Just make sure that he's not a player or that you get hurt. As I said before be careful.

[Jay]

Hi, Im very confused, please help... sorry for my long story

Im a straight guy in an open relationship with my girlfriend, though we havnt done it with anyone else, so defeats the purpose of open relationship probably. However now there is this guy whos caught my attention (yes a guy which is a first for me). We both are in our mid 20s and hes married with two new borns. Hes really hot, and Im told Im hot as well, not that I boast about it

Married and with babies. These are two crucial points that you should heavily consider. C'mon mate, he's a married man with babies. Please think about his wife and his kids. No offense but do you want to rip apart a family? Yes, the husband is already twisted but that doesn't mean you can screw the family even more.

[DarkDaisuke]

1) does he like me? or want to be friends?Certainly seems like he likes you and wants to be more than friends from how youve described it.
2) if he wants to be friends only, how do I cope If I already like him now? Its hard believe me but you learn to live with it and the feelings don't go away but more subside in like your feelings were an ocean that was roaring with life and then it slowly quells into something calmer. You'll still like him probably but it will be there and underneath the surface.
3) if he likes me, how do I approach him, as 5 months with no action is very long. Uh go out for drinks invite him over. Honestly just get him alone out of the public spotlight and see where it goes.
4) if he likes me, how do I cope if I wanted things further with him. That is your personal decision, no one can make that for you. You're in an open relationship, he may or may not. Its up to you two if something happens to deal with it. I do believe in polyamory btw.

[azulai]

Thanks for the reply back, Kurious.

What puts me off and is wrong, is yes hes a guy! yes hes married!!!!! yes he works with me! Yes the possibility hes a dirty player! Yes I dont know how anyone I know would react to this! Yes what the hell am I doing! Ye this is unfamiliar territory! Yes I may end up dissapointed! But I cant help thinking is what if hes clean and just wants a way out to be with a guy instead. Why I think that is because Ive known a couple of guys (not directly) who were married had children but moved on to a gay coupling shortly after. They are now happily coupled, they love their kids who are happy and their ex wives are happily married again. Im not saying I want to oust the wife and make him forget his kids, no way Id always what them to be his number ones, but I cant help thinking its unfair on both him and his wife if he doesnt want her and she has to put up with it, thats not right. Then again Its not my right to get into their business.

You've really romanticized this guy. It might do you some good to reflect on what you have written here, similar to journaling.

Have you had an actual conversation with this guy?

I'm curious, is there any history of addiction in your family?

So, good luck in whatever you decide.
Just don't let him convince you to let him bareback you.

[Kurious]

Omg today, what a day

I actually talked to him today! And hes gay and his wife knows, his children are actually around 5 years (well I got the two children part right) and hes actually a couple of years older than me.

Why today, well after reading posts for the last couple of days, I was having clearer thoughts, then I got all territorial with myself and my job ie why the hell should I have to suffer and be depressed for 5-6 months with this issue, i was at breaking point and had to do something about it, but this is my job and I was here first, before him and before his family! (not being nasty but true), that kept on playing on my mind, only because I was happy at my job, but now it was screwed up for whats been happening, and I didnt deseve any of this at all.

With this in mind it was very easy to be a bloke about this and just ask him today sometime if he wanted to get a coffee down the road. I wanted to get this over and done with so skipped the beer plan. I wasnt expecting him to say yes to coffee, but I wasnt expecting him to say never as well. I also wasnt expecting him to tell me anything too if we did go down the road.

Anyway my mind just switched to automatic mode, I think it was trying to protect me, because Ive been exausted for so long, and I deseved to sort this out. I had no fear or embarassment at all at this point. And after asking, he had to go to a meeting first so said he would grab me after his meeting. So down the road we went later on. After talking for a bit about each other, I said the big one “are you bi or gay” he looked at me in shock probably thinking, ah random, he then looked forward and was really quiet before saying “what made you say that”, I said “you cant deny the flirting youve been doing to me in the last 5 months” ect ect, and to break the ice to make him feel better because it was an awkward moment I said, “well its not that I didnt stop you from doing it, so we cant exactly go around the office and tell everyone whats happened”. He then cracked a little smirk and agreed. After talking for a little, I said “so why me” he gave me part of the speil I posted previously, but he also added “me and my partner are on good terms as buddies but we got married too young”. As the conversation progressed from there we both came pretty open about things, we both said it felt like weve known each other for ever. (well it felt like that)

His partner knew him as closeted bi first and she really liked him as she said he was goodlooking and they really got along with each other at uni, so dated and got hitched, both “blindly” as he put it. She seems really nice. When I asked does he hook up with males often, he said no not at all with his wife. We didnt go too much into detail with that one, because I started to feel awkward and I was going on mind overlaod again so had to breathe, but he said him and his wife have been on and off a couple of times, and on the times off, he found it really hard to come out, or find a way to come out, so they would get back together. I said “why are yous still together” he said for the children and both him and her have not found any real relationship/support to fall back on if they did break up (sounds reasonable to me)

All in all, they are still together, I promised him I wouldnt tell anyone else about this conversation, vice versa, but we are gald we both spoke to each other, im releived! I feel better now that I know, and dont have to go to work feeling miserable and trying to make an effort to ignore someone, trust me its draining!!!! and he reminded me its actually 6 months, I had to laugh at that.

Im still not sure anymore if I want to pursue anything with him as it all seems rather confusing and complex and too early for me to gather all my thoughts right now, but at least Ive made a new friend. My intention is not to screw any family over, but I can get very territorial when it concerns safety of my own wellbeing. I cant see myself doing the dirty on his family anyway, not in my character to do so, and his as well it seems. My thoughts about him sexually have slightly changed, its turned into mateship for some reason. Its best like this as I still dont really know him (so he could be full of lies, but dosesnt sound like it, but my gaurds still up), but its nice to have him as a friend, he likes us to be friends as well. I kind of want to tell my gf what happened today now too as I feel better about the situation, and it sounds like our relationship is not the best as well anyway, even though its do-able for the both of us right now.

Thanks to ones whos helped with posts, especially the ones who have said he does actually like me, because that gave me the confidence and assurance in actually asking him straight out!!!!!!! xxx

so from here onwards for me …. still “dont know” … but a “happy” dont know with a clearer understanding and a new mate :biggrin:

[Kurious]

(my initial post may have been word count too long because its not saving? so im breaking it down)

- - - - - - - (1)

Omg today, what a day

I actually talked to him today! And hes gay and his wife knows, his children are actually around 5 years (well I got the two children part right) and hes actually a couple of years older than me.

Why today, well after reading posts for the last couple of days, I was having clearer thoughts, then I got all territorial with myself and my job ie why the hell should I have to suffer and be depressed for 5-6 months with this issue, i was at breaking point and had to do something about it, but this is my job and I was here first, before him and before his family! (not being nasty but true), that kept on playing on my mind, only because I was happy at my job, but now it was screwed up for whats been happening, and I didnt deseve any of this at all.

With this in mind it was very easy to be a bloke about this and just ask him today sometime if he wanted to get a coffee down the road. I wanted to get this over and done with so skipped the beer plan. I wasnt expecting him to say yes to coffee, but I wasnt expecting him to say never as well. I also wasnt expecting him to tell me anything too if we did go down the road.

[Kurious]

- - - - - - - (2)

Anyway my mind just switched to automatic mode, I think it was trying to protect me, because Ive been exausted for so long, and I deseved to sort this out. I had no fear or embarassment at all at this point. And after asking, he had to go to a meeting first so said he would grab me after his meeting. So down the road we went later on. After talking for a bit about each other, I said the big one “are you bi or gay” he looked at me in shock probably thinking, ah random, he then looked forward and was really quiet before saying “what made you say that”, I said “you cant deny the flirting youve been doing to me in the last 5 months” ect ect, and to break the ice to make him feel better because it was an awkward moment I said, “well its not that I didnt stop you from doing it, so we cant exactly go around the office and tell everyone whats happened”. He then cracked a little smirk and agreed. After talking for a little, I said “so why me” he gave me part of the speil I posted previously, but he also added “me and my partner are on good terms as buddies but we got married too young”. As the conversation progressed from there we both came pretty open about things, we both said it felt like weve known each other for ever. (well it felt like that)

His partner knew him as closeted bi first and she really liked him as she said he was goodlooking and they really got along with each other at uni, so dated and got hitched, both “blindly” as he put it. She seems really nice. When I asked does he hook up with males often, he said no not at all with his wife. We didnt go too much into detail with that one, because I started to feel awkward and I was going on mind overlaod again so had to breathe, but he said him and his wife have been on and off a couple of times, and on the times off, he found it really hard to come out, or find a way to come out, so they would get back together. I said “why are yous still together” he said for the children and both him and her have not found any real relationship/support to fall back on if they did break up (sounds reasonable to me)