Ok, Bowyn said something that has been stuck in my mind now, so I guess I need to talk about it. He mentioned that I needed to decide if this was a love or lust thing. And I totally agree. A relationship is not purely based on sex. But some times I feel like that's what this marriage is all about.
When my wife and I first met, I was not really looking for a relationship. I had dated other girls, but never been intimate, male or female wise. I told myself I was "saving myself for the right one" while all the while fantasizing about guys I knew and was attracted to.
Then my wife and I started dating and things heated up pretty quick. And I mean heated up. I think in a way, with the religious upbringing that I'd received, I felt sort of obligated to marry her. She had been married before so I was obviously not her first, but she was mine.
Also, my father was and still is a huge bigot. I grew up with not only a lot of racil slurs, but also a lot of detagatory things about homosexuals. Couple that with the church cramming "gay is evil" down my throat and...well...you can see where I'm going.
But, my point to all of this is, I really can't see myself spending the rest of my life with the woman I'm married to now, not any other woman for that matter. And not just because of the fantasies. I love my children, and I don't want to hurt them, but I can't go on like this.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
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Ok y'all, after a lot of soul searching and a few sleepless nights, I've finally decided it's time I stop living this lie. I'm going to set down with my wife tonight and tell her the truth. I feel that everyone involved deserves it. Don't get me wrong, I'm nervous as hell, but it's time that I admit I'm gay.
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Just be sure she is not the type that will "use" that information to try and destroy you once things get heated (because they will). I'm not so sure that's the best direction, and she "may" also try and use it against you with you children as well.
Hope it goes well for you.
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Hello there,
I would imagen firstly that your situation is a tough one however you have to live your life for you and if your feelings are for another man then you can still get round things without hurting people.. My ex boyfriend is a father to a 15 year old lad and when he got into a gay relationship he sat down with his son and explained that in life some peopled believe things and believe for the so called greater good when infact it can make them unhappy in themselves... You need to assure your children that they are still loved unconditionally and explain honestly that you havent fallen out of love with their mother and that she will still be a part of your life but you cannot continue living a life which isnt designated for you... Explaining to the wife your going to leave her for another potential man is harder for her than the children but agree and promise her that your still going to stand by her and decided to let her go and call it a day (if wishing to) so that she is still able to find proper true happiness and she can adapt to life seeing you as a friend rather than a partner... I know when i split with my boyfriend of 6 1*/2 years we get on better as friends than we did as a couple... Make sure u give her a big hug and tell her that just because you are now openly gay and plan to admit it doesnt mean the hugs and a kiss stop as she will alwaysa be your number one fag hag...
Kindest regards
Aunty Zeon xx
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Give them and yourself time....everything always works out. And just ignore/rufuse the "fixing"....that shit never works!
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It almost makes me wish I had just kept my mouth shut and suffered in silence.
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I certainly hope so. She wants me to speak to our pastor about all this. I keep feeling like she's trying to manipulate things so they work out to her favor. My youngest son thinks I'm scum. My oldest son is the only one who seems to be taking this fairly well. He's said that he understands that I can't help the way I feel inside. I just feel like crawling in a hole somewhere and never coming out. :frown:
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