So you talk a lot about what your wife wants you to do.........what the hell do you want to do?
Do you want to talk to your pastor? If not, then don't. If you do, then set up a meeting on your own. You needn't let your wife control the situation. This is your "time".....use it how you see fit.
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Not trying to sound too gruff.....but it is my way! :biggrin:
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No, you're right. This whole relationship has been about her and what she wanted. Anytime something has happened that she didn't feel like she was in control has been when we've had our worst fights. And I think right now that's what's making me so mad. That I've let her dictate everything. And yes I know it's my fault that she's done that. :0/
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Fault doesn't matter at this point. What matters now is that you recognize a flaw and have an opportunity to do things differently. Hopefully you will exercise a greater will to see your needs/wants through.
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Well this morning is better only in the sense that we aren't yelling and screaming. She keeps trying to insist that I'm not gay. Hell she nearly raped me last night! No lie, she threw her self on me trying to force me to make love not once but three separate times. I keep telling her that I love her because of who she is, but she keeps telling me she knows I'm still in love with her. She also keeps saying that if I come out openly that everyone where we live (small town) will make fun of the kids. I honestly believe she loves me, and I love her. I'm just not in love with her. My attraction both physically and emotionally is towards men.
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Hi,
I am sorry your coming out didn't go well.
I think your wife feels threatened, unsure, confused, used and terrified. She probably had her dream - the man, the kids and happy ever after (maybe it was not that happy but what long relationship is all the time?).
Now you told her that the man she knew, loved and lived with is someone else. She probably heard that you are gay and you never enjoyed your intimate moments together (even if you didn't say it).
She is hurt and humiliated. So she fights.
Some of her weapons are understandable and perhaps excusable (hitting on you), so are not (using your kids).
You are telling her you love her and that is a safety belt for her - a hope that everything can be fine again.
Try to imagine that you are in love with someone, you've been living with him for years and you want to be with him for many more years. And one night he tells you that he always liked your neighbor more than you. I guess that's how she feels. That your marriage was one big lie and now you want out and be free and she will be alone with kids.
For you, it's easy - by the divorce you will gain what you want. She will lose it.
Try to look at it through her eyes and try to smooth the edges and settle it.
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Thank you Nick! I'm honestly crying tears of relief right now from your post. I know she's hurt and scared and feeling alone. I guess it's hurtin me to see her that way because I still care for her, even if I don't have those same "husband" emotions for her. And it hurts that she keeps throwing the kids in my face too. But I've tried to explain to her and to them that no matter what happens, I will always love them and be there for them. Even if they don't want me around.
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Wow...I really mean WOW. What an awkwark situation ou find yourself in. I can't add much because Bowyn, Super and Nick have just about covered everything.
I'm so sorry thre is division with your sons, and I think it was terrible that you were backed into a corner with your parents and your sons. It's little wonder there was a bad reaction by your parents and your youngest. Your wife seems to have forced you to punch the people you love in the face when you should have had the opportunity to have sat down with each of your sons and your parents individually in your own time and had a chat.
Your wife is behaving irrationally. Granted it is a difficult situation that she is in, but everything she is doing it seems that she is doing entirely for herself, and even though she thinks she is helping you, she is actually damaging you and your relationships. Narcissistic behaviour from and outsiders point of view.
Mate, their is so much dust being kicked up that there is no clarity. Forget about what has happened to cause this shit storm, the facts are your parents are confused, your sons are confused, your wife is confused and YOU are confused, all this is causing hurt and conflict, I see the very fabric of 'family' being torn apart, and that is a heart breaker.
The dust needs to be settled and the only way dust settles is to remove the agitation that is causing the dust to be stirred so everyone can take a deep breath of fresh air and start this process again. You can't stop yourself from drowing if you keep swimming under water. Get out of the pool.
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Please keep talking to us here, hon. Like others have said, if they really care about you, your family will come around. The fact that your oldest son understands is a good thing.
How old is your younger son, if I can ask? I can understand really young children being unsure about a lot of stuff, especially homosexuality.
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