Seeking advice

[princealbertofb]

Arch, I guess this was ripe for the picking. It was going to happen some day. So well as you might wish it hadn't come out, it was a cloud waiting to burst.

Be thankful that the milk is spilt now and let's try and help you mop up the mess... All you need to do now, is acknowledge your mistake, and forgive yourself for not knowing any better (but then WHO knew?? You certainly didn't realise it was ok to be gay, did you?) and move on, milk another cow, fill your jug again, this time with the right product (but please handle with care, lol ).

The very best of luck, and courage in these coming days, weeks, months. The journey may well feel like a rollercoaster but it'll work itself out. Time is a great healer.

Apart from the pastor, is there any other friend (male or female) in whom you could confide, or who could bring you their support? You might need it.
Remember that we're always here to help, as we can, from a distance.
Take care,

[archubbycub]

I'm feeling so miserable today! I know I need to get out of this environment I'm in right now, but anytime I say something about leaving she has a breakdown and makes me feel so guilty for even bringing it up! I'm slowly losing my mind!

[BeautifulBlue]

Arch, at this rate, it seems like she's using your feelings about making her feel bad/hurt herself to control you. Maybe just get out of the house, go to the bar, a friend's house, something. You need some space to clear your head. At this point it seems like you're just stagnating yourself in her emotions and you're suffering because of it.

Maybe you need to get a list together to see what you want. Present that to your wife. In the end, you're only forcing yourself to stay in this marriage because you think it'll hurt her and your children. Sure -- they're going to be a bit emotionally shook up, but it's not like you're shooting them in the foot or anything like that.

Try getting out of the house. Or recommend she and the kids go to a friend/relative's/grandparent's house for a weekend or something similar. You both need time away from each other to process this.

[BeautifulBlue]

I should also add that if she refuses to see a counselor other than a therapist, that is HER fault. You should make it very clear if you want ANY kind of relationship with her after this that she NEEDS to support you in a non-religious environment. I know religion has great things about it, but it's shallow and close-mindedness is very dangerous to people.

[BrianNguyen]

i don't know why i didn't feel anything with the girls out there.

[archubbycub]

Sorry, just need to vent again! I'm feeling like a total idiot for not having courage enough to walk out! It's like I'm a prisoner in my own home! I wish there was like a gay SWAT team that could come in and "rescue" me from my situation! LOL

[princealbertofb]

Ok, Arch, let's be real... though, as Beautiful Blue mentioned, you could do with a bit of alone time. Time away from her and all that. Is there a friend nearby where you could go for a while? A night? The only explanation you need to give is that things are getting a little rough at home and you need time to clear your head because you don't want to do anything rash. Your friends will see it as reasonable.
Somehow I expect that your wife will only be too glad to see you reappear the next day. If you can't get to a friend's house, or family, then I would suggest you take yourself to a campsite, motel or hotel and have a night away from the house. Don't use this opportunity to pursue your libido. You'll be able to get to that, free of mind, later on. Deal with the separation part first, if you can.

[BeautifulBlue]

Like PrinceAlbert (and I) said--try to get away. I think the problem here is that you both are stagnating and there is no outside thought coming into play here. You both need room to clear your heads in a non-hostile environment.

[archubbycub]

I've definetly made up my mind that I'm leaving. It's just a matter of getting everything in order, especially finances.

[Rainbowmum]

Sweetie , the longer you stay the more you will resent her.
Time for some time out.

Grab a tent and go connect with yourself again.
Your mind is so confused right now that a feather feels like it weighs a ton.

You have heard of the straw that broke the camels back?
Right now your the camel and your legs are trembling under the weight of things.