telling mom

[cowboy147]

Well now,
I don't want to take away from those who are in more need than I. I know some people are having real issues and problems with coming to terms with who they are and trying to come out about it with those they love. I was hoping to maybe get a little help myself with my situation. I guess I'll just post my coming out story and hope someone has a solution though I think I know the answer already.

I have come to terms with my sexuality back in Jr. high, about 8th grade, though I do remember thoughts of attraction since early elementary school days. I told no one until I told my brother, on his birthday no doubt, great present, about 8 or so years ago, and thankfully he was completely fine with it. I have told all my close friends and their fine with it. Here's some of the issues I am having. My father asked me if I was gay after finding some "questionable" sites on my comp. I told him no, that it was a spam email, he told me he wouldn't care and that he still loved me but I still denied it. I believe that he did know, and my regret was not telling him before he passed away 7 years ago. I am trying to live out and proud, so I want to tell my mom. Here's the part that doesn't seem to make since to me. There have been enough "accidental" slips that I know she knows, and she would be fine with it, her sister is gay, not "out" specifically but we all know it. Now every time I try to tell her, I get so scared that I clam up and hide inside myself. I have no idea why I am so scared of telling her. I feel I need to just buck up and say it to her and get over this complete fear I am feeling. I have thought about writing a letter and leaving it for her or just handing it to her, but I feel I need to say it to her and not just let her read it. I have also thought about doing something along the lines of how my personality is, and having a card read "I love you and wanted you to know", and when you open have it play I'm coming out. lol I just don't know, I also hope that by coming out to her not only will I be able to start living my life more open but it will help me not be so stressed out and depressed. Sorry for the long message but any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Andy

[ceez]

it's always hard to come out to someone you love, I couldn't come out to my sister face to face so I did it through text. it sounds like she may already know so I would tell her face to face.

[dfiant]

You can still write a letter, sometimes it is easier to articulate what you need to say when it is in writing. Stay with her as she reads it and then you may find it easier to actually say the words 'I'm gay' once the letter is rerad and the pressure is off

All the best

[pellaz]

I hope this helps, its up to you to feel ok with it inside first. Dont let anyone tell you where, when and what method. On the other hand its good to be judged by who you are exactly not by innuendo and rumor.

your sister:
if the sister wants to out her self let it be. short of that she has her own boat to float. Stay away

you mother:
-do you think your mother would understand? you have been doing this your whole life so she might not immediately understand. So you might NOT get the immediate excellent results starting with that big hug (not).
-would she be able to contribute in a positive way to your emotional needs? From reading your post outing your self to a mean critical situation will not be progressive. Only a distraction, to fining a circle of accepting friends you need.

[Rainbowmum]

Give her a big hug and tell her.
I assure you she already knows and is just waiting for you.:biggrin:

[SeOkie]

When I came out to my Mother 7 years ago, after being married for 12 years, she told me she already knew. It was hard, and we both shed a lot of tears, but in the end, it was so worth it. She told me that she always knew. She said Mothers always know. Write your letter as suggested above. Let her read it while you are there. You will be fine and it sounds like she will be too. Good luck!

[LatinCoffee]

If you're fearful of telling her in person than write her a letter. I know how important it is for your loved ones to know, accept and support your sexuality. Good luck!

[jcvln24]

Mothers do have that way of knowing, and of seeing you struggle with something. The funny thing is, they're afraid to say anything. I asked my mom the same thing when I accidentally outed myself when I was 18. When she told me she knew, I almost became angry...mainly because of the lies and pain I had to walk with everyday. I asked her why she didn't spare me that if she knew, why she didn't approach me -- either in person or in writing -- and let me know that she knew, that she supported me. She told me there was this tiny sliver of unknowing that held her back (the same, tiny sliver of unknowing that kept me from telling my parents sooner, because I knew my parents loved me very much, but I was still scared to death.)

Sometimes they're going through a similar, "parallel" experience along with you. Like most people have suggested, approaching her in writing or with a warm hug can't hurt. Although I must say, if you decide to tell her in writing, I would suggest you just "hint" at it, that there is something deep you need to discuss with her. I wouldn't take back the experience of my mom confronting me in person for anything in the world...it has helped me, even 5 years later now. But you do whatever you feel will work best for you! That is the most important thing. And the best of luck to you!

[Nick9]

Great post, Justin, thanks!