My sexuality is scaring me

[hank]

I have held on to my secret desires for so long, wanting to believe that I can change them, make them go away. I just recently realized that these feelings don't go away. Everything I used to define myself was a down play of my bisexuality. No that I have devuldged the secret I am at a loss of who I really am.

How do those of you who live out do it. Did you abandon who you were or was this just another part. What about being alienated? Was there ever an end to the confusion?

[dfiant]

Have you really changed that much or is it that that the only change is that you are accepting yourself?

Everything doesn't happen over night, but it will happen. People go through this sort of stuff for years.

The essence of you remains the same so what is there to abandon...there is just more you have to accept...it's a process and it would seem you are getting worked up about nothing. Just be the person you have always been...nothing has changed except your knowledge.

[myapple]

This was just another part. You don't abandon who you were because that's changing who you are completely, in my opinion. You're just being true to yourself. Being alienated was probably the best thing that could happen. You get to see how people really are and who they really are. You realize how everyone is almost alike: how ignorant they are and how they treat every little thing like it's taboo. I'm sure people will come around. If you were one of those people that bashed the gay community, then there will be confusion for a while. People eventually come around. They always do. People who you didn't even expect to be gay/bi will probably try to hit on you. It'll all be fine. You'll learn things.

[hank]

I tend to be hung in a mid place. I am bi, I am Christian, conservative. From the Christian conservative they say I can't be, and I hear the same from lgbt. I just thought that I could be accepted, but I am hearing the same statement from both sides. Niether wants anything to do with me.

I am really disillusioned by this. I will never force my beliefs on anybody, why is it that everybody wants to do it to me?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Before I realized I was gay, thus 'came out', I was doing seminary, working on getting my D.Min and several other letters.

After I came out I lost my faith in the church, or more to the point the process of coming out taught me a great deal of the men in the church who I had held such a high regard for that when my eyes were open I lost faith in the Church.

Then I gained faith in God, and I went on to be a carpenter instead of a minister.

Coming out was a mixed blessing. I gained a lot, and lost a lot. Mostly the losses were naive notions about what God and Faith was, the gains were I got a better focus on what I needed in life as opposed to what I wanted, and I finally caught a glimpse of God.

My role in others lives has had a huge impact. With the collar on and with it off. I did a lot of time in ministry-ish like labor. No I didn't don the collar and get on the pulpit, but I worked with disadvantaged individuals in various areas. My life is an example of the positives, and part of my life is that I am gay.


BAck when I was in seminary the Episcopal Church as a strict 'no gay' policy. Then the adopted their version of Don't Ask, Don't tell. Then in 2003 Gene Robinson was ordained as a Bishop - the very first openly gay bishop.

None of that just happened. There was constantly a string of letters (perhaps bags of letters) and back room whispers and 'nagging' from me and many like me, could-have-been clergy who were disenfranchised by the Church over our sexuality and with a mission to spread the word that God doesn't hate gays.

Obviously our letters and whispers and patient peddling of the new Word paid off because the Episcopal Church has become such a positive and nearly affirming place for LGBT.

Had I just stayed in the closet, I would have went on to become a Friar. I would have taken vows (Obedience, poverty, celibacy) and lived silently. If we all did that, stayed in our closets and remained silent, I seriously doubt that the changes that have taken place would have.

For me it was simply a matter of living a lie or living the truth.

Granted up until I was 24 I was so deep in the closet that I didn't even know I was gay (I mistook my disinterest in the females as natural celibacy). However when I was confronted with my feelings, confronted with my desires to be with a man, it only took me 6 months to work through the confusion, the doubt, the fear, the angst over what I thought it meant to be gay and the consequences of that Vs the consequences of living a lie.

Being LGBT is no different than being straight. You love, you live, you laugh, you cry. You bleed when pricked, you pay taxes and eventually you die. Between today and death you hope to find your bit of happiness and home the Tax man doesn't come around to give you an audit.

Who you love and what you do with who you love is no big deal.

[hank]

I get what you are saying. I never took church to be synonymous with God. No matter what the church wanted me to believe. I am catholic only because I read the American standard Bible. And attend church occasionally at a catholic church.

I hear homosexuality is a sin from sinners, so what do they matter.

I am truly disparaged by the anti Christian undertone I get from lgbt. And anti conservative tone. Okay right now liberals bandy about with words like gay rights, same sex marriage. They really have no ability to effect it. So no I do not buy their lies, or the lies from republicans either. why do I have to buy into political positions based on my sexuality

It almost seems as if lgbt is a political party. And it is one I only share few beliefs with.

[hank]

From what I have seen so far

[Pix]

It almost seems as if lgbt is a political party. And it is one I only share few beliefs with.

It's not. However, Christians tend to be so hostile to us in the USA (especially in states like Texas) and the Republican party tends to cater to the Christian Right (especially since 2010) that it alienates many gays. I believe this is perfectly understandable and forgivable.

But get past that and you'll find many gay Christians (and gay friendly churches) and gays of all political persuasions. Of course if many in a political or religious group is, in general, hostile to gays then that will alienate many gays from joining and when they do join anyway they'll be quiet about it (or likely driven out). And that leads to the illusion of gays as liberals because liberals are really the only mainstream party willing to at least pay lip service (and increasingly starting to walk their talk) about gay equality, which makes them attractive to gays interested in politics AND more likely to be who they really are rather than hide themselves.

I've met plenty of gay libertarians, btw. If you want to meet some then look up the Pink Pistols in Houston as Houston has a chapter and it seems to me that while there's diversity among the Pink Pistols members are most likely to be a conservative male (and typically Libertarian), the lies aired on FOX notwithstanding (about the Pink Pistols being a lesbian gang who carried pink pistols, which was a shame as every single woman I know who enjoyed pink pistols was often not only straight but also conservative).

Btw, back when I was a runaway in Houston I saw some "gayskins" who were neonazi but still homosexual (of course the other neonazi and skinhead groups had nothing to do with them and were often hostile). As best I recall they believed white gay males were the highest form of life and Jewish lesbians the lowest. I don't recall the details at all but they revered a particular Nazi who served under Hitler as they believed he was gay and they also liked to promote what they believed was a militant Roman view (promoting macho militancy, warrior values, and the idea women were for making babies and men were for actual love and lust). And I found they're not restricted to Houston or even America which goes to show gays can be of ANY political persuasion.

[hank]

I have never heard anything hostile toward gays in church. I have seen YouTube videos of so called evangelical "reverends" talking about duderonomy, and negating Jesus's words completely. but I have to go looking for that. Some people say its a sin, maybe they are right, if so, its my sin. People hijacked the church to slander people like me. You only hear the most absurd fools, they are the most entertaining. I never have been told to leave even after saying I was bisexual. Nor from the boyscouts. I see prejudice from people who believe the crap that the media portray. I have yet to be called out by socalled unfriendly to gay organizations. I have been by lgbt. although not directly.

I am quite confused. Lost when I thought I would find my way. I have nothing against lgbt organization, it seems they do against me???

Do I have to abandon my church because some weirdo in Italy says he doesn't like my sexuality. Do I have to abandon my beliefs, my identity??

I haven't been to any meetings or get togethers involving lgbt. Mainly just serching stuff on the Web. I agree completely with truth wins out. But some of the spokesmen really trash the things that mean the most to me in the name of lgbt.

[hank]

I have never heard anything hostile toward gays in church. I have seen YouTube videos of so called evangelical "reverends" talking about duderonomy, and negating Jesus's words completely. but I have to go looking for that. Some people say its a sin, maybe they are right, if so, its my sin. People hijacked the church to slander people like me. You only hear the most absurd fools, they are the most entertaining. I never have been told to leave even after saying I was bisexual. Nor from the boyscouts. I see prejudice from people who believe the crap that the media portray. I have yet to be called out by socalled unfriendly to gay organizations. I have been by lgbt. although not directly.

I am quite confused. Lost when I thought I would find my way. I have nothing against lgbt organization, it seems they do against me???

Do I have to abandon my church because some weirdo in Italy says he doesn't like my sexuality. Do I have to abandon my beliefs, my identity??

I haven't been to any meetings or get togethers involving lgbt. Mainly just serching stuff on the Web. I agree completely with truth wins out. But some of the spokesmen really trash the things that mean the most to me in the name of lgbt.