07-18-2012, 08:14 PM
Ok, this is something I have personally noticed among people I'm around for awhile now.
Have you ever had a friend or acquaintance you knew had nothing against gay people...but still managed to make some very dense statements from time to time.
Two examples: I have a friend of a friend I am positive is not homophobic. When we first met, this friend asked me if I had a girlfriend, I replied no I'm gay. He then said "Really? I would never have guessed you were gay, you conceal yourself so well!"
Now I knew he meant no harm and in his mind he probably thought he was giving me a compliment....it didn't stop me from feeling slightly offended however. (this was not the first time that particular comment has been directed my way)
So I was talking to another friend about my feelings towards what had happened...and this new friend I'm now talking to happens to be black for the purposes of this story. I was surprised when he said he knew how I felt because at the time he was unemployed and when he would go in for a job interview, more often than not the interviewer would say to him "You don't sound black at all!" and smile like she was giving him a compliment.
My question is, has anyone else encountered this problem...if so, how did you feel about it knowing they meant no harm, but being very stupid all the same. Do I correct them about their faux-pas and risk an argument or misunderstanding or do I let it slide and try to ignore it?
Have you ever had a friend or acquaintance you knew had nothing against gay people...but still managed to make some very dense statements from time to time.
Two examples: I have a friend of a friend I am positive is not homophobic. When we first met, this friend asked me if I had a girlfriend, I replied no I'm gay. He then said "Really? I would never have guessed you were gay, you conceal yourself so well!"
Now I knew he meant no harm and in his mind he probably thought he was giving me a compliment....it didn't stop me from feeling slightly offended however. (this was not the first time that particular comment has been directed my way)
So I was talking to another friend about my feelings towards what had happened...and this new friend I'm now talking to happens to be black for the purposes of this story. I was surprised when he said he knew how I felt because at the time he was unemployed and when he would go in for a job interview, more often than not the interviewer would say to him "You don't sound black at all!" and smile like she was giving him a compliment.
My question is, has anyone else encountered this problem...if so, how did you feel about it knowing they meant no harm, but being very stupid all the same. Do I correct them about their faux-pas and risk an argument or misunderstanding or do I let it slide and try to ignore it?