Unintentional homophobia and racism.

[Puck]

Ok, this is something I have personally noticed among people I'm around for awhile now.

Have you ever had a friend or acquaintance you knew had nothing against gay people...but still managed to make some very dense statements from time to time.

Two examples: I have a friend of a friend I am positive is not homophobic. When we first met, this friend asked me if I had a girlfriend, I replied no I'm gay. He then said "Really? I would never have guessed you were gay, you conceal yourself so well!"

Now I knew he meant no harm and in his mind he probably thought he was giving me a compliment....it didn't stop me from feeling slightly offended however. (this was not the first time that particular comment has been directed my way)

So I was talking to another friend about my feelings towards what had happened...and this new friend I'm now talking to happens to be black for the purposes of this story. I was surprised when he said he knew how I felt because at the time he was unemployed and when he would go in for a job interview, more often than not the interviewer would say to him "You don't sound black at all!" and smile like she was giving him a compliment.

My question is, has anyone else encountered this problem...if so, how did you feel about it knowing they meant no harm, but being very stupid all the same. Do I correct them about their faux-pas and risk an argument or misunderstanding or do I let it slide and try to ignore it?

[pellaz]

after telling him you are gay
you might have said "sorry, I dont intend to conceal being gay"

[Puck]

after telling him you are gay
you might have said "sorry, I dont intend to conceal being gay"

I should have done just that :biggrin:

Its just hard for me to be confrontational with people when I know they don't mean anything by their comments, but their words can still be somewhat insensitive.

[matty7]

my friend who is totally cool with me been gay onece said before he knew " wow , wouldnt put u as gay as u dont act that way - my response was " why ? "did my gay badge fall off" and pretended to look for it - other mates were helpless with laughter

[fenris]

I had it in another way.... I told a friend in a conversation that I'm gay ... He was very angry .... and told me not to kidding him that I am not gay he can see ... I should not joke about gays, some of his friends are gay and he likes likes them so much .....

[Puck]

I had it in another way.... I told a friend in a conversation that I'm gay ... He was very angry .... and told me not to kidding him that I am not gay he can see ... I should not joke about gays, some of his friends are gay and he likes likes them so much .....

That's a bit...strange to say the least mile: As your friend, one would think he would have had an inkling you were gay at least. But then again often its the people closest to us who are most in the dark about such matters mile:

'Course, when I told my best friend, he had no clue...but then after some thought, he said he now knows why all my characters on games like Fable and The Sims were gay

[matty7]

i honestly think that we all put our foot in it sometimes , i honestly believe that we call people names because of something diferent to ourselves and the majority of our own circle of friends - ive heard gay comments. racists stuff. skinney and fat jokes etc , as humans were not the brightest bunch sometimes, but im also sure that its all not meant in true hate at all ,,, just dumb reaction comments sometimes

[zeon]

hello,
I think the best thing to do is crfack every insult into a jhoke like some people say to me... Zeon you big raving homo and i reply... what u want captain obvious??? Or they for example say like at work

fuck me up the arse this beat is big and i replied well im sure they will there all those bois ur be walking like an egyptian lool... He said do u have to turn everything into a homo joke? i said yes thats my special trait and winked.... laughing it off can improve on a friendshiop x

[Pix]

There's something more than one guy (who normally is fine with gays) has said to me that I know they mean as a compliment but really ticks me off. Upon talking about my sexuality they say something like, "What a waste."

I know that what they mean to say is that I'm desirable, a compliment many women love to get. But I hear 2 things, one that my purpose (and the purpose of all women) is to please men (at least a man) sexually and my life (and the life of the women I love) is for nothing that I don't, and that all the beautiful relationships I have had and know of are a waste, that is love means nothing and you're throwing your life away unless it's between opposite genders. Though it surprises some people I can be sentimental about love and that message is extremely offensive to me.

Normally I let it slide because I don't trust myself not to get angry in trying to explain why I don't like hearing things like that, and I've learned to expect a certain bit of cluelessness from men. But one guy I really liked who said something like that for a 3rd time did hear me explain how offensive I found it (and I'm impressed that I kept my cool the entire time). He sincerely apologized and never said anything like that again (my ending with, "I just don't want you to get hurt by saying that to the wrong lesbian" might've helped him remember )

[Puck]

hello,
I think the best thing to do is crfack every insult into a jhoke like some people say to me... Zeon you big raving homo and i reply... what u want captain obvious??? Or they for example say like at work

fuck me up the arse this beat is big and i replied well im sure they will there all those bois ur be walking like an egyptian lool... He said do u have to turn everything into a homo joke? i said yes thats my special trait and winked.... laughing it off can improve on a friendshiop x

Oh I normally try to look at life with a sense of humor as well...it would be a terrible waste to go through life angry and bitter at every little thing which comes your way. mile:

And its not that I get angry when I hear these things...more like slightly annoyed. I suppose though I should just accept it for what it is and be secure in the knowledge that they don't mean to get under my skin, and its a waste of energy on my part concerning myself over it....easier said than done at times :biggrin: