Need advice. Straight Married Man Consistantly Thinking About Being With Men

[illtrythat83]

I am a happily married man who can't stop thinking about getting with men. I am new so I don't know what I can and can't explain

I need to know why??!

[chillythoughts]

maybe you should come to terms with what you are and have a long talk with your wife. by the way, welcome to the board

[avidcyclistMTB]

Was this happening before you were married? Honestly?

That might be a good place to start. If the answer is honestly "no" then maybe you got married young? I did for all the right reasons and never regretted it. We did not break up because I am attracted to men too. Think about the vow you made and how important it is to you. Mine was a promise and I don't break my promises.

You didn't give us much to work with so it's hard to answer the "why" question. It's hard enough with lots of info.

Are you "happily married" yet feeling something is lacking? In my estimation this is "unhappy".

Maybe you can elaborate for a little more advice on the subject. I'm happy to convey info with some experience as I'm sure some others are.

BTW welcome to the forum.

[fenris]

Hi and Welcome :-)

Maybe you are more or less bisexual .... or just nosy.

Important is, that there is nothing wrong with .... it is OK, you have to and can learn to handle it. A good start is to talk about ... and to learn about others.... and you are here on the right place.

Maybe I have a nice example about a curious man : An friend of mine ... heterosexual, now married and like to sleep from time to time on my breast..... that is enough for him... he just need sometimes the strength of a male body.... not more.

Other curious men want much more ... and nothing is wrong with it ... important for you is to learn to handle it. Start anything what you want to do only if you feel that you are ready for it .... or you have really fast the "ERROR" signs in your eyes ....

Start reading here .... find new friends .. learn to talk about you and your feelings ...

It's not as difficult and problematic as you think now maybe... but it takes time to learn about you... sometimes much time ... but that should not care you ... it´s about you, your feelings, your soul....

[ChadCoxRox]

I am a happily married man who can't stop thinking about getting with men. I am new so I don't know what I can and can't explain

I need to know why??!

Best wishes sorting it out. I went through the same thing and six years into the process have realized that the potential for same sex attraction was really there all along with varying levels of denial to protect my happy marriage.

"Happy Marriage" may seem contradictory to wanting to fool around, but it sounds like it's all just mental/fantasy at this point. My strongest caution is to avoid betraying the "happy marriage" any further with real actions until you do all you can to sort it out and decide how you want to proceed. It is not fair to your wife to be any more dishonest about your true thoughts and feelings than simply the mental/fantasy.

Find an experienced counselor to talk about it toward making decisions.

I hope you hang out here for support through the good, the bad and the ugly!

[pellaz]

first off welcome to gayspeak

nope its not the porn, and definitely not the one night craigslist meet ups. Being gay is the ability to have a same sex relationship with success. Make no mistake; the relationship i have with my husband now is the same i had with my x-wife in a straight marriage. My x-wife was a very nice person and on that basis alone i could have never tossed her to the curb.

cheating is cheating, you took an oath. I am not saying you are not gay but avoid getting to it as a cult. Being gay is very organic and built into a person's hardware.

best wishes.

[illtrythat83]

Honestly it comes from when I was abused as a child. I blocked it out and seriously forgot about it. Then I ran in to that guy (also my age) and all I can think about is giving blowjobs. I was about 8 when he gave me toys a bike and some video games to try something from a movie. Idk if I liked it but it happened about 2-3 times per wee for about a month. Then he moved away.

Not to sound like a head case but that's the background.

[pellaz]

all good
i think this is out of my personal range i think someone here can contribute tho

[East]

Honestly it comes from when I was abused as a child. I blocked it out and seriously forgot about it. Then I ran in to that guy (also my age) and all I can think about is giving blowjobs. I was about 8 when he gave me toys a bike and some video games to try something from a movie. Idk if I liked it but it happened about 2-3 times per wee for about a month. Then he moved away.

Not to sound like a head case but that's the background.

I am curious...you say you were "abused" but also say he is the same age and you liked it. Did he force you to do it? The reason I ask...it is normal for kids who are the same age to experiment with each other and usually has little to do with one's orientation.

[princealbertofb]

Hello, I'llTryThat, and to GaySpeak and these boards... Like others here, I'd be interested in having a bit more background on when these thoughts started happening in your head. It might be that you are a late bloomer or that you have kept these thoughts subconsciously for many years. A lot of that will have happened over years of being brought up in this or that type of family and environment.

Does your wife know about these thoughts, are they something that the two of you can talk about and explore?

It is not uncommon for straight men to have thoughts and fantasies about other men, but how much do you think you would like to make these thoughts real? What would you be ready to do to assuage your curiosity? What would your wife allow you to do to quench that thirst?
Those are questions you need to ask yourself before you do anything you might regret. Have you got the impression that you're living a lie? How honest can you be with your wife? Are there any religious pressures going against finding out what being gay means? Have you had romantic feelings for men, ever, or even allowed yourself to have that fantasy?

If you are gay, or bisexual, you'll constantly be wondering until you've had the experience.

Remember also, that one experience of same sex intercourse will not necessarily be the one that makes you happy or that makes you understand how your clock ticks. It might take several experiences of the kind to find the right balance, just as some people date several opposite sex people until they find the slipper that fits their foot.

You've got a little soul searching to do here, whether it is alone or accompanied by your spouse.
We are ready to help, if and when we can. I would need to know a bit more about the situation and how you have started having these thoughts to be able to guide you better. Talking of guiding, is a counsellor an option?

Have you got any children? Will that be something in the way of your finding out? It needn't be, if handled with loving and care.

Good luck with finding out, safely and in a grown up manner.

PS: I realise now that I've got a little more info, that part of this post will not apply. See my other post below.