Advice dealing a bisexual romantic interest?

[Flashfire071]

Alrighty, so there's this guy who I met online. His profile says he is straight and is only after a woman. I added him cause he is a gamer and I was looking for new friends, we spoke for a bit and I accidentally flirted with him. He responded in a big way and seems to be very keen on me, even askng me to be his boyfriend. The problem is that we were meant to meet but he has not confirmed it or come online in two days. He refuses to give me his number but has almost come down to see me on multiple occasions. He claims that he's nervous about meeting me and is jelous of my sexual prolictivities, I get that but the trouble is right now I can't sleep cause I want to just talk to him amd I am comtemplating staying home from work in the hopes he'll get online and talk to me. I am also already in a relationship, open of course but I have even seriously contemplated leaving my current man for this guy. So.... Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this?

[ChadCoxRox]

Anyone who's seriously contemplated leaving their current man for a man they've never met needs some good mentoring. This situation sounds like pain waiting to happen. Hope you sort it out in the best interest of all involved.

[fenris]

That happens very often .. someone says he is straight.... and want to meet or talk with gay or bi people... mostly about or to have sex....
My advice: Do nothing ... let him go.... he is dishonest... maybe has a wife and 14 children at home. This constellation promises just anger, not more. I think he does the same thing often.... said that he never has anything had with a man.... and reality is different.

Watch for a nice, honest gay-guy.... that has more worth.

[zeon]

Hello,
I would like to tell you that leaving your current boyfriend for this gamer is not only stupid but highly foolish as well.. The fact that he doesnt want to give you his number shows for starters he may be time wasting and ontop of that what if you left your current boyfriend and went with this guy and he didnt show then you would be left with regrets.. If you truely love your boyfriend like no man could i would suggest maybe keeping gaming experiencies online and saying bollocks to the second relationship because your bf could be quite hurt... As someone who has been ditched twice for another man after they left me i will inform you it does hurt deep it does put you on a emotional rollercoaster where soemtimes you want to laugh and soemtimes you want to cry and even feel like packing your life into a box and burning the damn thing... In life we never appreicate a relationship until it is ended and then one of two tend to pine for the relationship and the man that person loved so dearly so on a final note now you have read this...

Is it worth throwing away something you have that is so special for a little fairy fantasy?

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon
Gayspeak Agony Aunt

[Rainbowmum]

First of all , I am still trying to get my head around how you can flirt accidentally.

It, sounds to me like he is playing it safe, if he does not back away from it , you will just be an experiment.
There is no future in this relationship.

[angiemari]

I agree I don't think it's a good idea. I would keep it to strictly gaming. You and your bf could both get really hurt by this

[BigCub]

Looking at this from a psychological stand point, having nothing to do with anyone being gay, straight or bi. You are only 20 years old. Your brain has yet to fully mature, the human brain continues to grow & develop well into your mid to late 20's. Because of this, your brain sometimes tricks you.

You feel a connection with this person on a gaming level & perhaps also you both share other things in common. Mixed with the possibility that you may feel physically attracted to him, all of these emotions can become confusing and your brain can sometimes release chemicals that give you a sense of feeling in love, more likely than not if anything what it truly is, is nothing more than infatuation or lust that you are actually feeling, because true love is still such a new emotion for someone who is only 20 years old, it is very easy to confuse other emotions with love.

This is why so many teen marriages fail and so many people under 30 find themselves stuck in a loveless marriage. Think of everyone you know over the age of 30 and then look at how many of them are still in the same relationship they were when they were 20. If you can actually think of any who are still together, look & see how many of them are still truly in love and how many of them seem miserable or unhappy with their relationship. There will always be a few who are still together & do seem happy, what happens in those situations; quite often the couple will go through a period where they grew apart, their feelings & emotions matured and they realize that perhaps what they were feeling for that person when they were under 30 was most likely not love but lust, but these people are dedicated to making their relationships work because they are too afraid of starting over again or because of other things like religion make them feel guilty if they divorce or separate, or sometime they try to make it work due to children. In these cases after a while of feeling emotionally detached from this person they then go through a period of getting to know each other all over again and then real feelings of love begin to develop for that person.

This is also another reason why people under 30 tend to go through many relationships. They are searching for true love and every time they meet someone new, they believe all these emotions they feel for that person is true love, but then just like in your situation, they then bump into someone else who they suddenly feel those same emotions for and for some reason are unable to see that they felt all the same things they do for this person with each person they have ever been in a relationship with. Each time they feel "love" for a person, the feeling is so strong that it is the only thing they can think of, all other emotions they ever felt for any other human at any point in their life, seem to be completely forgotten.

So what I am saying is that it is HIGHLY unlikely you are in love with this man, it is HIGHLY unlikely that he is feeling anything at all for you, it is HIGHLY unlikely that there is any sort of future in a relationship with this man. It would be best for you to cut all ties with this man & in no time at all you will suddenly find yourself not thinking of him any more and when you do think of him you will find it strange that you had those feelings and emotions.

[Flashfire071]

Thanks for the replies so far by the way, just talking about the issue helps. I'm sorry if I keep going in a circle on this as well.

First of all , I am still trying to get my head around how you can flirt accidentally.

Quite simply I sent the wrong message to the wrong window, I was chatting to my bf at the time and sent a message meant for him to this guy instead. It happens quite often, I just don't pay attention to who I'm messaging sometimes.

I think I should say that I'm not in love with this guy, or with my boyfriend and I don't even believe that I can feel love for anyone (I got bashed a bit as a kid, it's probably done some damage). I'm with my boyfriend because he has strong feelings for me and I don't want him to be upset over me leaving him. If this other guy is serious about wanting to date me that would be great because at this point I have a lot of passion for him and want to be his partner. This is not my first relationship, I've had many in the past but they don't last longer than 6 months on average. The way I view it I can stay in a relationship that is comfortable but not exciting or I can take a risk and be involved in a passionate relationship. I just wish I could make him tell me exactly how he feels cause we says he wants me, not just in a sexual way. I've asked him about having sex and he said he wasn't ready for that and that if we did g out we would have to take it slow cause he's new to all this. This is the kind of situation that just goes round and round with no progress being made hey? I want him, he wants me, he's worried I'll cheat on him (knowing my wandering ways I probably will end up with other men, I only sleep around when I have permission from my current partner and only do it about once a month if that) and I'm worried that he'll decide he's not into me after all. But I want him so badly, I can't sleep without hearing from him and think about him all the damn time. I understand that it's probably hormone driven, but the human male mind is wired to wander and find a new mate every so often and because my brain is developing... perhaps I shouldn't even be in a relationship with anyone?