What's wrong with me?

[archubbycub]

I'm going to do my best not to whine or complain in this thread, but I do have a matter that concerns me a bit. The thing is, I have this great guy that I completely adore and honestly even though I've only known him for a few months I can honestly see spending the rest of my life with him.

But my problem is I keep looking at other guys. Mainly I just admire them and mentally comment on how good they look. I don't really fantasize about hooking up with any of them, just "look at the buffet line" occasionally.

I even tell my guy about these guys and he seems ok with it. But I feel bad about it myself! I want to be completely focused on him. He tells me it's ok but I still beat myself up over it. Is this normal?

[princealbertofb]

Child in a candy shop syndrome... I shouldn't think it's worth beating yourself up over it. At last you are allowing yourself to admire (more openly) what you've been secretly admiring all these years. The fact that you can do it more openly (and even discuss it with your boyfriend) is new and maybe you think it might lead to something else, like being unfaithful. Your partner knows you are looking at the eye candy and I guess he has an eye for it too. It's like having to use porn from time to time, it doesn't mean you're going to be unfaithful to your partner. You can relax and enjoy the show... Those old guilt feelings should subside.

[Blue]

You're human. Of course we notice people with hot bodies around us. That doesn't mean we are actually even considering even touching them or that we are not happy in the relationship we are in, it jsut means we are human and we know what looks good to us when we see it.

[princealbertofb]

I agree with Blue. I'd even say it's proof that we're ALIVE!!! Yay!!

[pellaz]

Is your partner completely focused on you? I noticed you didnt mention his situation in your post, does he do the same thing?

[fenris]

PA is right... great advice


It´s normal ... and the best is to watch and let watch.... mile:

And we are mens ... it´s our job to observe our territory... and to see if we can find something to hunt... but we love our bf´s...and don´t hunt

[Bowyn Aerrow]

What is wrong with you? You have a penis. THAT is the cause of your misery.:tongue:

Honestly, you are male, young and have a healthy libido. That is going to make you appreciate 'sexy' people - which people depends on your sexual orientation.

I on the other hand am not healthy, I don't look - but then that is an emotional issue that I have spent thousands upon thousands of dollars and many hours on therapists couches attempting to address.

You - Healthy. Me - no so much.:biggrin:

[archubbycub]

Thanks guys. I guess there's still a lot of this I'm figuring out. And yes pell he checks other guys out too. He even told me about getting hit on by another guy while he was visiting his aunt in Florida. And he told the guy that he had someone already! And I trust him as well.

But like I said thank you all for the advice.

[archubbycub]

Hey guys! Just a quick update. I talk to my BF about this last night and told him about feeling guilty and "beating myself up" for looking at other guys. He looked me square in the eye and told me that it was completely ok for me to look because he knows exactly where my heart is and he trusts me 100%. In fact, a lot of what he told me was the exact same thing you guys said.

As a side note, there really is a very slim chance that I would ever cheat on him. For one, most of the gay guys in my area are either way too feminine for my taste (no offense but I prefer my men to not act like what the screwed up media tries to pass off as every gay man in the world) or they are stuck up pricks. And two, for some odd reason, most of the guys I even give a second glance to are straight as a
2 by 4!

Anyway, thank you all again!

[Rainbowmum]

Nothing is wrong with you sweetie, it's natural.:biggrin:

The Husband unit and I have this deal , we look but don't touch.