Leave someone who is untidy?

[jamiebfd]

Hi all. Just a quick one... If you love someone and it just so happens they were a little untidy...like their house is a little scruffy and they are not very good at cleaning... Could you see yourself falling out with them over this?
Asking because of something I heard from s friend and want to see reactions from you lot.
Can it really be love if someone could quit because of such things?

[Crash]

I can be a bit of a neat freak sometimes, but I wouldn't end the relationship over it. If you actually love the person then what does it matter if their place is a bit untidy, I would most probably help them tidy it up, if they let me.

[RockerBlocks]

It seems so little to fight about. So no

IMO eventually he will get sick of the dirty house/room/dorm and clean it up himself

[Blue]

Just a little untidy, no big deal. Cluttered, needs dusting, windows need washed sort of thing is tolerable.

Now if it's a case of unhealthy as in a week of dirty dishes, trash smell throughout the house, mold on food that was not put away or discarded,bathroom smelling of urine and more brown that white in the bowl, and so on, then yeah, I'd bail on that one.

And if the untidy extends to personal hygiene, I'd bail, but if that's the case I'd probably not be involved in the first place.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Define 'untidy'...

I currently live with a pig. It is such a problem that couple's counselor has laid down the law that I would stop calling him a pig. Well whatever - pig, pig, pig, pig- suey suey piggy-pig-pig!

"Untidy" and "Tidy" shouldn't really be a couple.

This can be one of the most severe issues for a couple. Understand I am not Obsessive Compulsive that much. Sure I wipe the counters before and after preparing food with antibacterial wipes. Yes I do put things back where they belong immediately - we live in a tiny place, organization is vital. But I am willing to wait all day long until the end of the day to do up all the dishes (no dishwasher). I only mop the floors once a week. yes I follow behind the Black Lab with a swiffer - only because she sheds on the go and if I didn't we would be wading through dog fur.

No matter how able I have been in past, he doesn't do dishes. He sure as hell can dirty them up such as 'cooking chili' you know, open a can, pour into a bowl - make sure to splatter a bit- put bowl in microwave uncovered, heat until chili boils over and 'explodes' all over interior of microwave. Then leave about three teaspoons of fatty ugly mess on the bowl, deposit in sink - bury with other dishes.

After my first knee operation where I was supposed to spend a month off my leg (it was a serious operation) He didn't clean anything. Less than a week later I was in the kitchen trying to save the dishes from that melted embalmed cheeze Americans love (ew, gross), caked on milk and chocolate - no, reverse that chocolate and milk) on glasses. Last year I spend 5 days in bed with projectile vomiting every time I raised my head from an ear infection. So severe I just had a bucket by the bed. 5 days later, still 'dizzy' and suffering the head spins I'm leaning up against the kitchen sink trying to put a dent in his pile of dishes. I didn't eat for 5 days (nothing stayed down why bother?).

He never puts anything away. To the point where he is strictly forbidden to use my tools. I have found hammers, saws, screwdrivers in the oddest places. Last year when I was cleaning out the koi pond I dragged out my socket wrench out of the deep end of the koi pond. Then I reflected on the matter about a year prior to that he 'fixed' the pond pump hose...

He comes home, takes off his shoes and socks, he then proceeds to stuff his socks between the couch cushions. Why? Why on earth can't he find the hamper?

Three days ago he fried up his bacon (I don't eat bacon, I don't touch pork - ever - its literally against my religion). I go into the kitchen and the top of the stove is covered with bacon splatters, running down the side of the stove, on the wall behind the stove, on the floor before the stove - bacon grease. Who do you think got to get down on their knees and scrubbed that mess off the floor....

Seriously? He knows I don't do pork. He knows I barely tolerate pork in the house. for 14 very long years he has known this. This isn't a new rule, this isn't something I waited 5 years to surprise him with.

Does he care? - I don't know....

It is a serious point of contention in this relationship. I'm constantly cleaning up after my 46 year old child. If I say anything its 'nagging' no matter what I say.

I say (nicely), "Please rinse your milk glass so it doesn't have caked on dried milk in it".

"Stop nagging me!" he all but bellows.

Resentment, frustration, downright anger.

Does he care? Good question, By his behaviors, by his actions I hear him 'saying' "I don't care." - Which translates to various forms of "I don't really love you - I don't care about this relationship - Fuck off and die slave...."

"Untidy" people belong with each other. Seriously, if two pigs want to wallow in their filth fine, grand - wonderful for them. If it works for them more power to them (just don't invite me over to dinner).

A tidy person and an 'untidy' person makes for hard, bad relationship.

I fear one day instead of cleaning the bacon grease filled iron skillet I may walk up behind him and start swinging the pan in the general direction of his head to clean the pork grease out of the pan....

Unfortunately, too many relationships and marriages have ended this way for pretty much the same reasons... so it could happen.

[Daniel]

Personally I am a perfectionist, though I keep my fanatical views to myself. I always keep MY things tidy and in the correct place. Of course, I'd tell him to start cleaning and tidy up but I wouldn't force him to do it, nor would I let it get to me.
If you keep your things neat and well, perhaps he will see how its a bit easier to live when your life is organized and be affected in a positive way.

And I agree with Blue, even though most of us can handle things thrown at us, there is a limit. Luckily most people don't pass it.

[dfiant]

I am much the same as Daniel, a perfectionist. Everything has it's place and everything in it's place. I just like to know where everything is so when I need it I can put my hands on it when I need it without having to search for it. My house is as organised as my workplace.

However, I don't think being untidy is grounds to end a relationships. In my house and my workplace, my rules are my rules, but in other peoples houses it is their rules and I am ok with that.

[fenris]

My man IS untidy ... he drinks a coffee and the cup stands where he leave it..and so on... 3 Days in my home an I need a room-maid. In the first time I cleaned his mess ... but now I just say that he has do it by himself.... and he is 50 .. I don´t think that he ever change ;-)
It´s not my job to clean up after him and it´s not my job to judge him.... so I say just "your cup"... and he clean it up....
It´s annoys me sometimes..but honestly: If my man has not more problems as to be untidy.... I run on my knees to Lourdes

[Genersis]

I'm a bizarre mix of tidy and untidy...at least in my own mind. Depending on the situation.

So i guess that means i'm actually untidy to everyone else.:redface:

I do have standards though.
Likely pathetically low ones...

[spencer]

I hate living in mess, but my answer is I could probably live with them as long as they didn't get offended over me cleaning up after them. Of course I'm only happy to clean up after significant others otherwise it pisses me off. But if they were like...super dirty nasty slobby lazy I probably couldn't handle it.