Hi All,
There is a guy who I've liked, for a while. But it's very complicated...
Firstly, there is a 1 hr 40 min distance between us. Also:
- His is schizoaffective (type of schizophrenia) & has crohn's disease. We both would like to adopt children; but I know that adoption agencies would veer towards a 'no' for him. I really would like children.
- Because of his schizoaffective disorder, he suffers from paranoia. As a result, I always contact him before he contacts me. This hurts, to be honest. This could be difficult in a long term relationship...?
-He is extremely attractive, I just don't know if he would like me, if he didn't have his health issues. I feel a bit like a 'second choice'. This is mainly because I contact him 80% of the time...
I really do like him. I'm slightly worried about his health issues, but this alone, wouldn't be a put off. It just the issues/ concerns that it brings. I know that he likes me.
What are your thoughts?
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Hi mattp, welcome to the forum 
You know I think that you are thinking too far ahead. You don't even say "I love him," but you already talk about children.
You are making it a bit like a casting 
Stay with someone who makes you feel good, nice, happy...
Then after months/years of living together, see how it feels. It won't be wasted time, even if it doesn't work out.
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It takes a very special kind of person to deal with schizophrenia. My brother is schizophrenic and so are alot of the homeless people I help...sometimes I have to excuse myself and go somewhere and scream real loud to get some relief from the insanity. I feel compassion for people who are schizophrenic but I cannot for the life of me imagine a relationship...but I am not really "special" in that way....you have to ask yourself if you are.
Dealing with schizophrenia daily can be extremely difficult...and often very scary. It can also be dangerous when the voices start telling him things.
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If you are asking these questions now, what makes you think that in the future you are going to be happier with the situation?
Mental illness is extremely hard to deal with and will put extreme pressure on any relationship. Marriages break up over mental illness. The relationship will always be about his mental illness, so if you think you could be happy with that because he is drop dead gorgeous, go for it.
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welcome to gayspeak
mattp Wrote:... He is extremely attractive, I just don't know if he would like me, if he didn't have his health issues. I feel a bit like a 'second choice'. This is mainly because I contact him 80% of the time ... if he were sorta ugly would you still be attracted to him? I ask because relationships are based on a lot of thins not so much on the physical. This is a red flag that stands out in your post.
mattp Wrote:H ... there is a 1 hr 40 min distance between us ... if you two are not able to re locate this may be a larger than expected issue. would you be there if he got into trouble? would he be able to think through the issues of a distance relationship
with his permission, have you talked to his doctor? Is there a possibility that his condition could get worse. what could you do to make life better for him and does he want you to do this for him?
Even though he is drop dead gorgeous many relationships are based on what the partners bring to the table. Consider what he can give you, other than good looks. Can he appreciate what you would bring to the table for him? Are you willing to take care of him (sickness and in health) thingy.
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pellaz Wrote:welcome to gayspeak
if he were sorta ugly would you still be attracted to him? I ask because relationships are based on a lot of thins not so much on the physical. This is a red flag that stands out in your post.
if you two are not able to re locate this may be a larger than expected issue. would you be there if he got into trouble? would he be able to think through the issues of a distance relationship
with his permission, have you talked to his doctor? Is there a possibility that his condition could get worse. what could you do to make life better for him and does he want you to do this for him?
Even though he is drop dead gorgeous many relationships are based on what the partners bring to the table. Consider what he can give you, other than good looks. Can he appreciate what you would bring to the table for him? Are you willing to take care of him (sickness and in health) thingy. I still would be attracted to him, if he was less physically attractive, but much less so (being honest). I cannot re-locate to him, at the moment, as I'm a student. He has just started a new job, so I doubt he will re-locate either. I could move to by near him, after a while.
What would be your opinion now please? Your answer, is the best I've received, I think so.
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dfiant Wrote:If you are asking these questions now, what makes you think that in the future you are going to be happier with the situation?
. This question really made me think, thanks
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East Wrote:but I cannot for the life of me imagine a relationship...but I am not really "special" in that way....you have to ask yourself if you are.
He holds down a full-time job, as a tv researcher, but obviously his illness could worsen a lot. I'm not a selfish person; but I'm not selfless either- just average. I will think about what you've said. I don't want to damage our friendship, so it might be better to stay as just friends...
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First, educate yourself, I mean seriously educate yourself about his health issues. Join a forum, read research papers, ask him pertinent questions, etc... KNOW what you are potentially going to have to deal with and, know how to be a positive supporter for him, then decide if you can handle it and can be that person.
If you can, would you still love him, even if he were ugly and you could never have sex? Yes? Good, that sounds like a promising relationship. No? Maybe you two are better off as friends.
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mattp Wrote:... What would be your opinion now please ...
i think you are a very kind and good person.
i just cant say it. i dont think there is enough that can be posted here for me to make a decision. Like seems he is employable...
you will see more people post with better opinions, may be i could add something more doubtful tho
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