That's about all you can do is admit you jumped the gun, and as much as you want to be with him, you need to get yourself sorted. Now If you are lucky, he'll understand and be there for you without being pushy while you sort things, if not at least you won't be deceiving him or, yourself.
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princealbertofb Wrote:a bit of solitude would probably do you good because you're not in a state to commit to your relationship if there isn't that spark between you. As for old guy, you'll probably have to let him go because he's straight. He's tried the gay thing, he's decided it isn't for him. What's the point of trying to have a relationship which you've never had with him if he's not into it?
By novelty, I meant that once a relationship starts there is the element of novelty, discovery and curiosity. When those elements have gone, the novelty has worn off and the incentive to making it work is lessened. You'd have to feel the love for him to wish to make it work. It sounds to me like you'd be better off alone for the moment. What's the rush? Do any of the two guys have expectations as far as you're concerned, do you think? Are you trying to make this thing work, despite yourself, just out of respect for them?
Alright, thanks for the advice, I kinda feel like solitude would actually be best too, to get away from all these complicated emotions and what not. The only other problem is that I have no clue how to get over the old guy, I've tried and nothing seems to work. I realize now that I probably rushed into this relationship because I thought that could help to forget about him, but like you're saying, I think now that the novelty of it has started to wear off I'm starting to realize that he's not the same as the old guy. I've even found myself trying to imagine what the new guy was like when I first met him and there WAS that sense of novelty hoping that that'll make things better. What do you mean by expectations? I mean, the new guy tells me all the time that he thinks I'm amazing and one of the best things to have happened in his life, and I try to reciprocate those things but each day my responses feel more and more hollow and meaningless. I feel like part of this all IS out of respect for the new guy, because he's gone to great lengths to have me meet his family and friends and tell me how much he cares about me, and at first when there WAS that sense of novelty I responded with similar feelings, so I'm afraid that if now I break things off with him and explain how I feel he'll feel like he'd been lied to and lead on, which I guess I have unintentionally done a bit... this sucks
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Welcome back
Oh sweetie , you can't just jump from one to the other , without resolving the left over feelings you had for let's call him your ex.
There were two of you in that relationship and there is no known way to just turn of your feelings.
Just as there is no way you will feel the same about someone else.
Subconsciously you are already comparing the depth of the attraction, comfort level........
It's not fair to the new guy if you cannot respond to him with a full heart.
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Hey PF, I really feel for you, and can tell from your posts on here just how much of an emotional struggle you are having.
From what you've said so far, I would say that what you are experiencing is the classic symptoms of jealousy from the old guy.
He knows he had the opportunity to make something with you, but he ended up messing you around, giving you mixed signals, and ended with you moving on. He also knows how much you wanted the relationship with him, and now quite frankly he is messing with your head. You need to sit down and take control of the situation.
Its clear from what you've said that you still have feelings for the old guy - call it unfinished business if you will, but you recognise that the new guy is also offering you something special - commitment.
If you don't feel able to step back and weigh up the situation and decide what YOU want, then the advice already given about taking some time out from both guys and the emotions they are causing you is absolutely sound and the way to go.
I will leave you with one piece of advice. Guy No. 1 has already messed you around, broken your heart and left you to pick up the pieces, and now he is interfering with your new relationship. Guy No.2 hasn't done anything wrong (that you've said)
Just be careful you don't end up with more of the same a few months down the road if you do take No. 1 back.
ObW
x
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I am not sure from your writing... Do you like the new guy? Do you like to spend time with him?
Maybe all you need to learn is that he will never be the same as the old one AND your feelings toward him won't be the same. That doesn't mean they won't be honest and strong.
Maybe you lessen your feelings toward him in your mind because they are not the same as they used to with the old guy.
Maybe it's too early to dump him. You could ask him to slow down a bit because you are getting over someone.
As for the old guy... You can simply ask him when he touches you again - what are you doing? You made it clear you were straight, but you certainly don't act like one.
As for me  I would certainly prefer the new honest guy over the old one - he is just teasing you, exploring his own feelings toward guys (as whole male group, not only you).
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Rainbowmum Wrote:Subconsciously you are already comparing the depth of the attraction, comfort level........
It's not fair to the new guy if you cannot respond to him with a full heart.
Thanks so much, I feel like this was exactly what I needed to hear! So should I just try to explain this to the new guy and hope he understands, or is there a better way to do that? Do you think it'd be at all helpful to talk to the old guy and try to get an explanation from him or some closure, or would that just make it harder to forget my feelings for him?
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OlderButWiser Wrote:From what you've said so far, I would say that what you are experiencing is the classic symptoms of jealousy from the old guy.
He knows he had the opportunity to make something with you, but he ended up messing you around, giving you mixed signals, and ended with you moving on. He also knows how much you wanted the relationship with him, and now quite frankly he is messing with your head. You need to sit down and take control of the situation.
Its clear from what you've said that you still have feelings for the old guy - call it unfinished business if you will, but you recognise that the new guy is also offering you something special - commitment.
Ok, so you're saying that you think all this recent acting out on his part is to try to keep me from moving on? In that case, should I tell him what he's doing is making it difficult to move on or would that just encourage him to do it more?
That certainly is my dilema, haha, that the new guy is offering honesty and commitment, but I can't help but compare it and just feel like even with those special traits something just isn't the same with the new guy...
Thanks so much, this was really the advice I think I needed to hear
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Nick9 Wrote:I am not sure from your writing... Do you like the new guy? Do you like to spend time with him?
I DO like him, but the more and more I think about it, it's less based on romantic feelings and more just based on him doing cute things and having a lot of similar interests to talk about. I'm starting to feel as if, at least to an extent, where I originally maybe in my haste to forget about the old guy thought there was a serious relationship between us, it's actually much more somewhere in between a relationship and a friendship, which is troubling :/
Do you think it'd help to maybe explain the situation to the new guy and ask if I can maybe have some time to just figure out how I'm feeling?
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PFlyers Wrote:Do you think it'd help to maybe explain the situation to the new guy and ask if I can maybe have some time to just figure out how I'm feeling?
If I was the new guy I would certainly not want to hear details. Also please wait until I decide which one of you two I like more... hmm no, I don't think so.
Either you want to be with him, or you don't.
Either you want to kiss him when you see him, or you don't.
You can take it slowly, but if you need to feel crazy in love then, I am afraid, he is not the one for you. If you want to base your romantic relationship on friendship, go ahead. It may be more stable than the crazy love.
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PFlyers Wrote:That certainly is my dilema, haha, that the new guy is offering honesty and commitment, but I can't help but compare it and just feel like even with those special traits something just isn't the same with the new guy... You know, I have no idea how old you are, sorry if you have said it and I forgot. But I think that you are very young and you simply are not ready for what the new guy is offering. At least that is what I feel from you, reading your posts.
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