Accidentally In Love ♫

[LostAndSound]

I'm not sure whether I'm seeking advice or simply just venting haha.

Basically I haven't had a crush in a long time. Where I just finished my college courses and started my first "real" job, I don't really get to socialize as much as I'd like. I see the same old friends frequently but never anyone new. This sucks because it makes it harder for me to date.

Because of the lack of crushing I had, I kind of "fake" crushed on a friend of mine who came out fairly recently, just as a placebo. It was a sad attempt to feel less lonely lol.

Little did I know what was supposed to be "fake" turned into a real crush. This quickly turned into what felt like love (though I've never been in love before). I would cry at nights because I knew I would never have him and that us together made no sense but some how I just really wanted to be with him.

As an antidote, I wrote a song about what I felt. Funny enough everyone on Facebook and on songwritting forums thought it was my best work yet. I'd share it but I can't post links yet.

Anyway the real "love" feeling I had quickly subsided after I wrote the song. But I still have some unresolved feelings for him. I don't want to bring them up because me and him have nothing in common and together we really wouldn't make sense. When it's just me and him there's just awkward silence.

Basically I'd love to know your thoughts on how to rid of these feelings I have left. I've never dealt with anything like this.

Sidenote:

While I was crushing on him he had a HUGE crush on a new gay guy who moved upstairs his apartment. This guy was "perfect". Exactly his type and had absolutely no flaws. Almost too perfect lol. Basically way better than I could ever be. So while I was "in love" with him, he was texting me constantly about how sad he is he can't be with this guy. I decided I'd convince him to go for it with him because I just wanted him to be happy. He ended up sleeping with the guy twice and texting me ALL the details lmao. It hurt but kind of made me happy I convinced him to make himself happy.

lol "love" sucks.

[Mrmatty77]

Ah, I know what you mean. Short story: I was sad and depressed cause my crush was back home and I wanted (felt like a need more than anything) someone to love, so I found favor in my roommate. Things ended horribly cause (besides the fact that he was straight) we couldnt even make it as friends and I was trying to get too much into his personal life and he was extremely uncomfortable with it and later caught on with what I was trying to do and it was a harsh ending to a fragile relationship.

Anywho! I'm still getting over whatever it was I wanted with him and whatever it is im feeling for my friend back home, but it helps to find someone to talk to regularly, whether it be someone online or irl, its hard to get past emotions and feelings and memories when you are alone. You'll tend to stew in them and it'll end up crushing you. Having someone to talk to or do things with helps get your mind out of bad places and in that time, short or long, you'll be open to think things over, you'll have a clearer mind, so to speak. There's no definite answer to these problems, or any problem for that matter, it's something you'll have to figure out for yourself eventually. Just try to be content with small friendships and try to find a friend, not someone who will be super close, but someone who'll be willing to go out for a drink or a movie or just to hang out with.

It may not be much, and yes, I am not some great wizard with the answers to everything, but Im just throwing what i know out there in hopes it causes some positive effect.

[LostAndSound]

Thanks for your response Mrmatty77!

I'm sorry to hear about your past situation.
Falling in love with/crushing on a straight guy is always painful and messy, a story I'm sure many of us know to well. I'm really sorry that you lost a friend! That's one of the worst feelings ever.

But thanks for the advice, it is quite helpful!
I've tried not talking about for 2 months now and that's probably why I can't let him go. I thought if I kept it to myself it would just vanish on it own because the more people who knew, the more chance he'd find out and things would get tense. But the forum atmosphere is perfect to get it off my chest and I should be trusting my friends a little more.

Your advice on finding a light friendship with someone is good too. If I could expand my social circle somehow this would plausible. But I don't know how to meet people haha.

Thanks again!

[Nick9]

Hi Lost and Sound

I don't feel like you are unhappy or devastated. I also assume that crush means non-reciprocated (and not necessarily unhappy) love.

If I am right, I say keep it. Sometimes a crush is a wonderful thing. It can build bridges over the hollow and sad periods of our life when we need love but can't find it.
I experienced it and it didn't make me sad at all. I accepted that it would not turn into anything more and even now, several years later, I cherish that part of my life. I don't have any desire to "get rid of" those feelings.

Do you feel unhappy? Like you won't be able to move on? Or why you want to get rid of them?

[LostAndSound]

Hi Nick9, thanks for your reply.

I'm not devastated particularly, just a bit unhappy.
It's kind of hard to explain what I'm feeling to tell the truth.

I don't want a relationship with him because that wouldn't work out, we can't even carry a conversation. lol But sometimes when I'm with him his eyes catch me off guard, his smile warms me up, and I just wanna hold him. He's a nice guy.

What makes me unhappy is that I'm quite a lonely guy and this "crush" is just reminding me of that over and over. I'm not interested in losing his friendship, he's one of my better friends, I'm only interested in losing these feelings I have for him.

I know he would never feel the same way cause' I know him like the back of my hand haha.

Sorry, I'm blabbing on. I probably didn't even answer your question lmao.

[Nick9]

LOL no, I didn't, but you made me smile and chuckle

So, I say again. Keep it. Keep it as a secret that will warm your heart. You are not lonely, you have him as a friend, and you experienced really nice time, being in love. Cherish that time and start to look for someone new. If you are shy, try internet. I don't mean dating sites, but websites about some interests of yours. It can develop into meeting offline too. Your online friends can bring their friends to the "meeting" and your range of friends will gradually expand.
You can try local clubs too - I don't mean dancing clubs but some hobby clubs. I am not sure about the right word.

Btw "accidentally in love" is nice and sweet slogan

[LostAndSound]

LOL no, I didn't, but you made me smile and chuckle

So, I say again. Keep it. Keep it as a secret that will warm your heart. You are not lonely, you have him as a friend, and you experienced really nice time, being in love. Cherish that time and start to look for someone new. If you are shy, try internet. I don't mean dating sites, but websites about some interests of yours. It can develop into meeting offline too. Your online friends can bring their friends to the "meeting" and your range of friends will gradually expand.
You can try local clubs too - I don't mean dancing clubs but some hobby clubs. I am not sure about the right word.

Btw "accidentally in love" is nice and sweet slogan

Haha I knew it. I have a habit of doing that.

Thanks for the advice! I should definitely try and look at this more positively and not let it eat at me so much.

Meeting people where I live is hard (good people anyway haha). Forums are a pretty good place to meet people like you said. In fact the first/only boyfriend I've ever had I met on Facebook.

Btw, I stole that phrase from a song called "Accidentally In Love" (Hence the music note) Wish I could take credit it, it's a pretty great line.