Straight guy with quick question

[Stevethorpe]

Hi all..just need some advice.

I have been working very closely in the medical field with a man for over 5 years that I suspect might be gay. The other day we met with a patient that was saying nasty things about homosexuals. I felt really bad for my colleague so I sent him a text message later in the day that said I respect is privacy but wanted him to know that I was upset about what was said at the meeting and that I was sorry if he was offended in any way.

He never responded to my message.

I'm wondering if I did the wrong thing? I am worried that if he has never told anyone, it's because he doesn't want them to know. Maybe he is straight? The reasons I think he is gay is because he's never discussed any relationships, changes the subject when it comes up. I've also seen him around town with a man friend of his that is an interior designer...who also happens to live with him...I don't know what to do...so confused...please help!

[Lilitu]

If he didn't reply then probably it's part of him changing the subject as you said when it comes up or avoiding it. Maybe he feels it's a bit of an awkward and intimate subject to talk about.

[Pix]

Going by myself I wouldn't have been offended, and that includes for being mistaken for something I'm not as I have been before if the person is showing concern.

I'd say if he never mentions it then don't bring it up yourself. Place it out of mind. If he does mention it then respond appropriately (a brief explanation and sincere apology if need be).

We people are a variable bunch so don't know how he sees it personally (even if he's gay he may be offended, even if he's straight he might like that you support him no matter what), but I personally think you did the right thing and don't need to do anything else on the matter unless he brings it up.

And btw, thanks for being nice, it's always good to be reminded how good we humans beings can be to each other, too. mile:

[Stevethorpe]

I am little worried that maybe I can get in trouble for harraseemet or something? Maybe I send him a text message that says it was meant for someone else...mis text about a completely different incident to another person?

[Counselor]

I am little worried that maybe I can get in trouble for harraseemet or something? Maybe I send him a text message that says it was meant for someone else...mis text about a completely different incident to another person?

NOT this.^

It can be misconstrued. Your embarrassment is understandable, but the best thing to do is let it go. If he wants to talk about it, great. If not, don't force him to, and don't worry about it.
Harassment is defined as being severe or pervasive, and if you just drop the subject, you are meeting neither definition.

[Rainbowmum]

Let it be , I am pretty sure he does not want to talk about it.
Just act naturally and do not push the subject.

[hank]

I would just say let out be. You said what you meant so it isn't really an issue.

If such a thing happens again just say something to the person saying the hateful stuff. Just a basic thing like "that isn't necessary". You don't have to be gay to be offended by hate speech about gay people. You were obviously offended, even if it was for someone else.

[seeking]

if he doesn't feel offended then your 2nd message is not necessary
if he was offended, and he didn't reply, that means he doesn't want to talk more about this subject. So the 2nd msg is not necessary also.
(and, to me, pretending to send to a wrong person sounds awkward...)

Either way the 2nd msg is not necessary
so like what've said above, just be natural and don't think about it

[Corsac]

Just leave things as they are at the moment. If your colleague is gay and is comfortable with telling people then you should allow him to do so in his own time.

[dfiant]

His private life is his private life, and his work life is his work life. Some people don't mix the 2 and his silence I suspect is his way of telling you that you have over stepped the line assuming he would be offended.