I know I'm going to disagree with what people have said here, but here goes. I don't think we should be so judgemental about Chuck's story and relationships.
We are so socially formatted for one-on-one relationships that we tend to forget that human sexuality and romance are fluid, more fluid than this format allows...
If I remember, there was a time, not so long ago (maybe one we didn't experience ourselves), when people decided to love freely, not worrying about whether they were in one relationship or several. It was called the Hippie Movement (Make love, not war?!?!) . (I'm just slightly post Hippie, myself.
mile
It would appear (not that I've tried or sought to have this kind of relationship) that some people are quite happy to have threesomes, and it also appears that some people need to love both a man and a woman (at the same time) so that they feel balanced and true to themselves.
OK, Chuck, maybe you are truly bi-sexual, and maybe your wife accepts you as you are, recognising that she will never be able to give you what another man gives you.
I'm glad you have been truthful to her, and not lied to her about this relationship you've started as an aside. Now things are evolving and maybe your wife has asked you to straighten things out?
I agree with the others, to some extent, that now the dynamics of your marriage and relationship seem to be shifting (and that's the reason why you have come to this site, right??? So you can unmuddle what seems to be a bit of a muddle?)
First, hello, Chuck, and
to GaySpeak. If we want to be able to help you, I think you'll have to tell us a little bit more about the new dynamics of your world, and how those dynamics are affecting your relationship to your wife, and your male partner's to his wife and family.
We mostly think that you should put the children first, indeed, but if you, your wife, your male partner and his wife can work on a sexual arrangement, then, maybe this can work. It may be frowned upon by the rest of your community in Huron, but it's your own private business, in that tight little circle of two families.
Some members here who've already answered your initial post seem to have forgotten that swinging is also one mode of satisfying one's sexual needs and curiosity. Whether that entails just swapping wives and husbands (remaining straight sexual intercourse) or whether that fluctuates to include same sex intercourse as well. Some men like to see their wives doing it with another woman. Some women might like to see their men getting involved with another man.
To summarize, threesomes exist and are enjoyed by some. Wife and husband swapping exists and is enjoyed by some, and some only enjoy one-on-one relationships and intercourse. In your case, it seems that the intercourse you enjoy is one-on-one but with your wife, or with your new male partner... Two one-on-ones. Your partner enjoys the same kind of sex too.
The question is, really: "Where does that leave your wives?"
If both of them understand your mutual need for a same sex relationship, maybe they are happier to know that you have both found a stable partner, and are not straying to one night stands and random hook ups. It goes without saying that you should still both be careful and using the adequate protection if only to save your intimacy with your wives. I hope you're doing that.
The other question that your situation begs is: ''How would you feel if your wife were to look for another relationship on the side?'' (with another man, or with a woman?) Would you accept that, as equal treatment? Would you let her do it? Have you agreed upon some rules to keep it all together and to prevent it from going sour?
The third question I have for you is: '' Are you sure you are both bisexual, and that it's not just that phase where you discover your innate intimate attraction to males rather than females, even though, obviously, you can both perform and form a romantic attachment with your respective wives (especially now you have children and a family?
Lastly, I'd like to question how the rest of your relatives would view this and whether it's going to have to be kept a secret from the rest of your family (the chidren might start telling some embarrassing truths). I'd like to add that children will accept any romantic and sexual situation, as long as they are told how things are, and that things are explained non judgementally. They can always tell a lie from the truth, in the end. But they understand a lot more than we give them credit for. Their concern will always be for daddy and mummy to remain together and be happy.
So, to me, divorce might not be the solution that applies to your situation. But you have to be honest and true to your feelings. You have opened Pandora's box by starting this same sex relationship. As you said, you didn't expect this to be more than a fling. I sense that your problem stems from that.
Good luck with it all, try to come back and tell us how things are evolving. We can probably hear it all. Take care, Chuck.
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Aquarius
