Threesome?

[ThatRobGuy]

Hey everyone,

So I am in my first serious relationship and we've been together for a little over 2 months. This is my boyfriend's first gay relationship so we're pretty new to this "stuff" in general.

He has brought up threesomes a few times and has said he would be up for it if I am as well, with it culminating with him bluntly asking me if I have any interest in that. I responded somewhat wishy-washy and said "I don't know..." but, to be honest, it actually hurts me quite a bit that he would be open to sharing me and what we have between us with someone else. I don't know if it's just curiosity, if he'd really go through with it, or if it's one of those things where he can separate his sexual desires from his emotional desires, but in any event, it doesn't feel great on my end. I would never have any interest in sharing him with someone else and him expressing interest in this makes me question the depth of his feelings for me.

I am thinking I might need to circle back around with him and clearly let my feelings about it be known, but I also hate to have "a talk" and sort of rock the boat when we really have had no issues/disagreements at all thus far (and I'd hope this wouldn't be a big deal or dealbreaker for him anyway, but who knows). I don't know if he will bring it back up again, so maybe it's not even worth bringing up to him unless he tries to broach the subject again, but maybe it's also not a bad idea to just let him know it's never going to happen.

I'm just curious of your thoughts on this and if you would feel the way I feel or if it's really not that big of a deal.

Thanks!

[Exokonan]

My close friend always told me that threesomes were disgusting because love should only be shared between 2 people. I'd feel uncomfortable as well.

[brituc1]

Threesomes are only ok if both parties in the relationship are comfortable with it. If you're not comfortable then you need to let him know that. I understand you don't wanna rock the boat, but there's no such thing as a couple that never argues. Hopefully if you tell him you're not ok with the idea, he'll take it well. But if he doesn't, then get ready to argue your side. Best case scenario is you have a heated, but honest argument and are closer because of it. Worst case, he ends it. If he ends it, then wouldn't you be better off without him then sticking with him and doing things you don't wanna do?

[bryandurel]

I've fantasized about threesomes and sort of lived it out with 'erotica'. i got close to having one with my second boyfriend but at the time i wasn't ready. at the time i think it was the right choice since i was still getting comfortable in my own skin but nowadays i would be pretty ready go but then again it would also depend on the relationship.

[Rainbowmum]

Rob sweetie,
You have to tell him how you feel, trust me on this ,you do not want to allow him to convince you to do something you are not comfortable with.

If just the thought of him sharing you hurts you , the images of doing what he wants will keep slicing that wound open, and will drive a wedge between you.

[RockerBlocks]

Two Months and questions like these are being brung up?

I mean if this were a normal one on one sexual activity it would be fine but to bring someone else in would just be selfish.(Especially as it has been eight weeks.) I think you need to stand your ground and tell him what you feel about it, If he loves you he will understand.

I wish you all the best, Rob.

[Pix]

I think you should say you've thought about it and decided it's never going to happen with why. Don't be defensive, don't be offensive, just be matter of fact. If he's just open minded and wondering what he can look into then he'll appreciate honesty. And if that doesn't work for him then better to break it off sooner rather than later so that you can both find someone more compatible.

[Geminize]

I agree that you are better off being honest about how you feel. I suggest that you ask for the same honesty from him. If you are clear that you have no interest and he is clear that he wants to try a threesome, then you have something to really talk about. Each of you will be better off, and you'll learn something about your relationship. Like Rocker, I wish you the best.

[Roxy]

I would feel uncomfortable with the idea too. I would talk to him about it like the others have suggested. If he doesn't take it well...well the reason you don't like the idea is because he's so special you don't want to share him right?

If it was me I'd be flattered lol. Like RockerBlocks said, if he loves you he'll understand. Maybe he'll come to some realisation's too =)

[Vigilias]

I always say that Threesomes are like spiders... Too many legs!

However, that didn't stop me from having a few.

I find my self in agreement with brituc; unless you are both secure in your relationship, you've had a full and frank discussion and have agreed rules for the conduct of the threesomes, then someone is going to become terribly hurt. Can you handle the sight of your partner being sexual with someone else in your presence?

Threesomes can be fun and really horny and I've experienced them as the "guest" and the "host". Personally I prefer to be the guest because I'm aware of my limitations, how far I'll go and the application of my personal ethics. I would never become involved in anyones relationship if I felt there was something one partner wasn't telling the other.

One particlar situation was going okay until I got a call from one partner asking to meet up for sex in the ignorance of his partner. That's when I politelly called time out.

Can you be certain that if you agree to some rules that you will both keep them? What if you or your partner end up liking the guest too much?

Think, discuss, think again, discuss some more.

It may not be for you!

Good luck anyway!