Threesome?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hey everyone,

So I am in my first serious relationship and we've been together for a little over 2 months. This is my boyfriend's first gay relationship so we're pretty new to this "stuff" in general.

He has brought up threesomes a few times and has said he would be up for it if I am as well, with it culminating with him bluntly asking me if I have any interest in that. I responded somewhat wishy-washy and said "I don't know..." but, to be honest, it actually hurts me quite a bit that he would be open to sharing me and what we have between us with someone else. I don't know if it's just curiosity, if he'd really go through with it, or if it's one of those things where he can separate his sexual desires from his emotional desires, but in any event, it doesn't feel great on my end. I would never have any interest in sharing him with someone else and him expressing interest in this makes me question the depth of his feelings for me.

I am thinking I might need to circle back around with him and clearly let my feelings about it be known, but I also hate to have "a talk" and sort of rock the boat when we really have had no issues/disagreements at all thus far (and I'd hope this wouldn't be a big deal or dealbreaker for him anyway, but who knows). I don't know if he will bring it back up again, so maybe it's not even worth bringing up to him unless he tries to broach the subject again, but maybe it's also not a bad idea to just let him know it's never going to happen.

I'm just curious of your thoughts on this and if you would feel the way I feel or if it's really not that big of a deal.

Thanks!

RED: You lied to him. You blatantly and out right lied. You should have said immediately, this hurts me, I don't want to share you and I do not like the idea that you want to share me.



BLUE: If you hate to talk then don't expect this (or any) relationship to last long.

Communication and blunt honesty is what makes relationships work. If one or both are unable or unwilling to talk, then the relationship suffers, seeds of resentment are planted and those grow into unmanageable weeds that choke the life out of a relationship.

[Blue]

I agree with Bowyn on this. You've got to be honest and talk, even if that means you write him a letter, but communicate your honest feelings somehow.

I'd also add that if either of you fly off the handle over blunt honesty with each other, then it isn't going to last. No two people are going to agree 100% of the time, that's how people are and, if you can't handle your partner disagreeing now and then, you won't get far in a relationship.

[Marc]

If only life were that simple.......

ObW

It is that simple.

If you love your partner, then why do you need anybody else? Is monogamy a dirty word all of a sudden?

[megumidesu]

threesomes don't mean that a monogamous relationship is suddenly meaningless ~
some people like the excitement and controversy of bringing someone else into their sex life every now and again . it's kinky , lol .

i'm not a fan of threesomes , personally . but i know people who have them and are in (otherwise) totally monogamous and loving relationships .

[Corsac]

threesomes don't mean that a monogamous relationship is suddenly meaningless ~
some people like the excitement and controversy of bringing someone else into their sex life every now and again . it's kinky , lol .

Surely if you're that into someone then there should be no need to even consider a third party for sexual activities, and theres tons of things that couples can do alone together to get some excitement if thats needed. Also adding a third person to the mix can bring a whole host of problems too if the couple doesn't have that strong of a bond.

Personally I couldn't have a threesome, I'm the type to commit myself to 1 person.

[megumidesu]

Surely if you're that into someone then there should be no need to even consider a third party for sexual activities, and theres tons of things that couples can do alone together to get some excitement if thats needed. Also adding a third person to the mix can bring a whole host of problems too if the couple doesn't have that strong of a bond.

Personally I couldn't have a threesome, I'm the type to commit myself to 1 person.

well then , those people who want to do things alone together to get excitement can do that . some people just like threesomes . it doesn't mean that the couples who don't are more meaningful and loving than those that do .

i'm talking about couples who do have a strong bond . if they don't , then there are loads of sexual activities that can bring a lot of complications .

[Corsac]

well then , those people who want to do things alone together to get excitement can do that . some people just like threesomes . it doesn't mean that the couples who don't are more meaningful and loving than those that do .

i'm talking about couples who do have a strong bond . if they don't , then there are loads of sexual activities that can bring a lot of complications .

Fair enough you know people that engage in threesomes, but that isn't a backup to your previous argument about them. Also, only a couple will truly know how strong the bond is between the both of them to tell if they would survive for the long run.

I haven't mentioned in any way that it makes a monogamous relationship any less, I would really like to know why people choose to have additional sexual partners when they have chosen a partner already.

What actually makes it more fulfilling then pleasing the person that you love on your own together? If having someone extra in the bedroom with you makes your life better then you're not with the right person in my opinion.

[megumidesu]

I haven't mentioned in any way that it makes a monogamous relationship any less, I would really like to know why people choose to have additional sexual partners when they have chosen a partner already.

because that's what some people want to do ~
sex isn't just about being in love and committed and intimate for a lot of people . for those people , it's also about having fun . bringing other people into it is fun for some people . they can also have sex just as a couple , but that doesn't mean they should only ever do that ~

What actually makes it more fulfilling then pleasing the person that you love on your own together? If having someone extra in the bedroom with you makes your life better then you're not with the right person in my opinion

it doesn't make it more fulfilling , always . it's just what people like to do . there are loads of situation where a couple might choose to do something different to their normal sex life , but that doesn't mean anything they do is more or less fulfilling than anything else .

it's not always about making life better . it's just a fun thing that people like to do ~


so what i'm saying is that some people have threesomes and are still extremely capable of being otherwise monogamous and loving . threesomes do not change anything about a person's relationship unless they let it . while there are those who would not be able to , for whatever reason (the complications of adding someone else into their sex life , for example) , there are people who can . and those people shouldn't be criticized because they happen to be able to have sex with multiple people (consensually) while remaining in a committed relationship.

[Corsac]

Regardless of all that, when many people think of monogamy include only having sex with that one person into the meaning. Therefore for these people taking part in a threesome isn't upholding to their values or views on monogamy.

The act of having a threesome does have an impact on a relationship, you're effectively allowing there to be a third wheel temporarily even if it just is for sexual pleasure.

[megumidesu]

Regardless of all that, when many people think of monogamy include only having sex with that one person into the meaning. Therefore for these people taking part in a threesome isn't upholding to their values or views on monogamy.

The act of having a threesome does have an impact on a relationship, you're effectively allowing there to be a third wheel temporarily even if it just is for sexual pleasure.

maybe you just have different values or views on monogamy than other people do .


of course it has an impact . i'm just saying that , for many people , it's not a big deal and they can have threesomes without the impact being one that affects their entire relationship forever ~