Friend hits me when he is drunk?

[Blue]

I agree, it's his way of saying "Hey, you're alright, I love ya, bro." Now if it bothers you maybe ask him not to do that and to try a not too hard slap on the back, or friendly slug in the bicep.

I have a friend like that, except he doesn't have to be drunk to start a friendly shoving match that usually ends in wrestling with me. (Married, straight guy.) Just his way of showing affection, and trust, we trust each other not to do any real damage or, take it seriously.

It's along the same lines as trading friendly insults.

[Geminize]

It's hard to say without knowing him at all, but I'd guess he either just expresses himself physically or is at least somewhat attracted to you. That it only happens when he is drunk means his inhibitions are lowered. If he apologized about it the next day, then he's definitely aware of what he's doing and you could ask him next time. "Hey, what's up with the chest tap? I can't tell if you're mad at me or just playing?"

I like physical contact with my buddies without any sexual undertones. It's just a way of connecting. If I pick up on someone feeling uncomfortable with it, I'll either ask about it or just stop doing it with them. People have different physical boundaries, but often aren't comfortable speaking up about them.

I disagree with Rainbowmum on this one. I think there is room for playful tussles between friends. Of course, this can lead to problems if one has an obvious physical advantage over the other, or if either has a history of abusing or being abused. Since it only happens when he's drunk you do have to be careful in this regard. More importantly, it sounds like you are uncomfortable, so you need to do something to change the situation. Get clear with where he's coming from, then decide if you want him to stop.

[Blue]

I disagree with Rainbowmum on this one. I think there is room for playful tussles between friends. Of course, this can lead to problems if one has an obvious physical advantage over the other, or if either has a history of abusing or being abused. Since it only happens when he's drunk you do have to be careful in this regard. More importantly, it sounds like you are uncomfortable, so you need to do something to change the situation. Get clear with where he's coming from, then decide if you want him to stop.

I have to disagree to a point. Even with a history of past abuse, such contact can be okay, depending on my trust level with the friend. Yeah, I am an abuse survivor and, yeah I do tussle with friends and, it's fine, enjoyable even.

History doesn't matter, what does matter is communication. You have to communicate your boundaries. They are different for each of us, and, none of us are mind readers. No one knows where your boundaries are with them if you don't tell them.

[MikeMG]

Thanks guys, I guess you are verbalizing what I am feeling about this. Its probably more of a way of him to show affection in a manly way. It doesn't really bother me if I know what that is, its not hard enough to walk away with a bruise, it's more like wanting to wrestle. It just caught me off guard because none of my other gay or straight friends do that.

I like the "what's up with the chest tap" option, it's a good way of stating things without going overboard. The only thing is, if he dose it again, I might say that on the spot.

I think he dose have a slight interest in in me, but that's a problem because like I said he is in a monogamous relationship with another man. He has never verbalized it, but he did grab my junk once at a party. Its almost like he is fighting with himself. The last half a dozen times we went out, he didnt drink or only had one beer. But the very next time he was cocktailed it happened again.

It seems to happen in the open but when no one is looking. Like at a party passing in the hallway or in a crowd when people are turned away and its just us two. That's why I am thinking is more like a Bro Tap. Then again, I am never really alone with him, its always in a group setting.

I guess where I am a little uncomfortable is not being able to read this as flirting or just good buds type of interaction. I dont think the other half of this equation have seen this yet and I dont want to hide to where it becomes a thing, but on the other hand, sometimes it better to let stuff slide.