posterpicture Wrote:I have no idea where you live but newest studies show that the product industry in the US have overthrown the definition of men smell like men. For me, a real man smell like the expensive cologne he could afford. Real man = successful man who can take care of himself and know how to invest in his image.
What like Donald Trump? He has a cologne and successful so by your standard he a REAL MAN". He is all about image too. Dose that turn you on?
You have spent way too much time at Abercrombie and Fitch smelling their cologne. Judging by your comments, you are the intellectual result of their marketing campaign. You are not even bright enough to realize that a study by the product industry finds that products are popular. Gee, what are the chances of that!
You have such a shallow definition of men. Something only a twink would say. I bet the next thing you want is for him to buy you some Gucci and Prada shoes. Because only a real man and afford (manufactured) class. Two words: Label Queen.
MikeMG Wrote:You don't understand. It's not about the amount of hurt a gay man would feel if you left for one sex or the other. It's more like a feeling of betrayal.
If you ran off with another man, it would be like a straight couple doing the same thing. But if you ran off with a woman, on top of the normal feeling of hurt, there is a feeling by some gay men that you also left because you want to live the easy, Leave it to Beaver lifestyle that a gay man can not give you. Marriage for gay men is still mostly illegal in this country, and even if it dose pass, there 50 percent still think its wrong. Running off with a woman you would never have to feel that.
You wont spend the rest of your life concerned about what people think about your relationship if you are in a straight one. In a gay one, no matter how much you accept yourself, people outside your circle may not. No one is going to show up to your wedding with signs saying God Hates Straights.
Maybe you don't feel that way, but its been done so many times by people over the decades who identify as bi that its become a thing to worry about if you date someone who swings both ways.
Sorry, this is perplexing to me, if I leave a guy and date a woman, it will not be easier, women are just as worried about a bi guy running off with a guy, regardless of taboos. You think its harder to be monosexual, you can't get a person that is both genders, so I give up half of my sexuality to be with someone monogomously, a sacrifice I am totally prepared to make. If a gay guy dates a bi guy the only thing he really has to give up is his insecurity.
I understand the fear that a bi guy would leave you for a woman and that in some peoples minds it will be because it is precived as easier, it definitely isn't. Because it isn't a straight relationship, it is a bi relationship, I will not stop liking men because I am with a woman, it never works. I get that monosexuals don't have to deal with the difficulty of a bisexuality and the struggles we face are greatly misunderstood by most people. Buy to sit there and sty its more painful because the bi guy that left you for a woman doesn't have to live in the gay community seen as "taboo" by churchies is completely self centered. Don't resent purple for having a different sexually that shares similarities with yours but also shares similarities with others but is entirely different with its own set of prejudice. why through the b in lgbt if ththey are not in the community?
You really don't see the troubles we face, just the ease in which we can fake it. see it from this side. If i am honest to people, straight people call me gay and a liar, and gay people call me a liar. so I can either lie and fit in our have a scarlet letter in two communities. Can't gay people lie and pretend to be straight, I figure that happens all the time.
Long gone are the days when your sexuality was not established a more than a mental illness, there are studies occurring right now to prove bisexuality is real, I know its real, but the psychological field is iffy. When was the last time a psychologist lgt frendly toils you that you are not real.
Please try to understand, i only speak for myself, that bi isn't half gay half straight, and of course if we live a lie and hide our nature we dint have to completely give up sexually but if we are honest and choose a mate either gender we loose the same thing. Either way bisexuals are going to lose part of our sexuality. The only gain being with a woman is that I can lie to everyone easier. But frankly i will not do that any more. This was harder for me to accept than when i just thought i was gay. Being gay at leastI had a definite answer, I could see my self with a man and could be pleased completely by him. Now my future looks lonely. I am terrified that being in a relationship that is monogamous when I am particularly bought on my mates opposite gender that I will inadvertently hurt someone ilove by looking at th other sex, they know they can't be that. And they know that I like that too. Just like a gay guy can't be or turn straight, a bi guy can't either.
I can be monogomous, straight men who are married look at women that are not therewives, gay men look at men who are not their husbands, it makes the spouse feel bad sometimes but they chose you.
My romantic future looks like it will be left unfulfilled completely because I can not build s relationship on a lie with either gender unless my significant other is bisexual.
Bi men often don't realize they are bi as quickly as gay men realize they are gay, there is nothing bi about liking women, and we are told as boys that every boy is attracted toother boys a little. You are heterosexual, you just are confused. People telling me I am confused caused me to be confused my whole life.
So no, that crap about being able to turn straight and not have the problems associated with being lgbt is difficult for me to swallow. If I did marry a woman have babies and a white picket fence and church deacons coming over for dinner I would still be lgbt, the haters will still hate me, i slept with a boy before I am an "abomination" in their eyes just as much as you are, my difficulty is that many in the lgbt community treat me exactly the same. Stop saying the b if you don't want us there.
I got hit on by a MUCH older woman at a tavern a couple weeks ago. Maybe she liked my Prada shoes and Abercrombie & Fitch cologne, my mincing walk, adorable lisp, and flapping hand gestures, and the sassy way I snapped my fingers and tsked while criticizing her outfit.
Whatever. The only insecurity I would have dating a bi guy would be that he really was claiming bi to "try it out", and then decide he didn't like it. I'm no good at "travel size" relationships. If he's sure he's bi, and is interested, then what the hell, why not? But if you bring in stages of sexual identity, my head starts to fry, so if I hear "i think" or "I'm pretty sure I'm bi", I'll just tip my hat and show myself the door.
Counselor Wrote:I got hit on by a MUCH older woman at a tavern a couple weeks ago. Maybe she liked my Prada shoes and Abercrombie & Fitch cologne, my mincing walk, adorable lisp, and flapping hand gestures, and the sassy way I snapped my fingers and tsked while criticizing her outfit.
Whatever. The only insecurity I would have dating a bi guy would be that he really was claiming bi to "try it out", and then decide he didn't like it. I'm no good at "travel size" relationships. If he's sure he's bi, and is interested, then what the hell, why not? But if you bring in stages of sexual identity, my head starts to fry, so if I hear "i think" or "I'm pretty sure I'm bi", I'll just tip my hat and show myself the door.
I agree, being used to adjust someone's sexual security is not my idea of fun. It isn't my interest to rent myself out to help people realize that.
Being bi seems to open that door wide. I had a friend, engaged to a lovely woman two weeks before their wedding come on to me, I guess he thought bi means down low. Or sexual amusement park.
posterpicture Wrote:What you said si biphobia and it 's just all based on bias assumption just like how many people said hanging out with gay guys will make you do gay things.
Uh, no you are comparing apples with oranges. What I talked about was a pattern of behavior among people who say they are bisexual. Not saying everyone dose that, I am saying a good amount do that or undecided people who label them self as bisexual do that.
I didn't create that stereotype. Stereotypes are based on patterns. Just like all gay men are not flamboyant queens, but you have to acknowledge that the some are. More then just a few. 10, 20, 50 percent of us? Who knows, but its enough that its a trait if you want to generalize about gay people.
Your example about people who say you will become gay if you hang out with someone who is gay is a false analogy. The reason being, its never happened. Its not a visible pattern. There is a difference between an assumption and a pattern.
All a gay guy has to do dating a bi guy is give up his insecurity? Well good luck with that. LOL
Gay men can be very insecure, especially in the beginning of a new relationship, especially when they are young or it's their first one or two. It's not a good thing but it's there. Mainly because it's a lot harder for gay people to meet each other because there are just a lot fewer of us around. In a small town, a gay person might literally be the only one in the town that is gay.
"Because it isn't a straight relationship, it is a bi relationship"
I don't get that thinking. Just because one person is bi and the other person is either gay or straight dose not make it a bi relationship. That's actually very one sided on your part. Bi to you maybe, but not to your wife. If two men are dating and one is gay and one is bi, its still considered a gay relationship because it boils down to two men. You could always say one of them is bi, but they would always be referred to as a gay couple. Maybe if you with also with another bi person then yes. But I cant see a straight women suddenly having to call her relationship with a guy as a bi one. Or unless there were other people involved. Why dose she have to take on your sexual orientation when you don't have to take on hers?
I can not build s relationship on a lie
No one said you should. I think if you explain how you feel to your next partner to the depth you have here they might have a better understanding where you are coming from. But if you just tell them your your bi, maybe not so much.
The thing is, lots of gay men date women before they come out and realize they are gay. In fact its the norm. Its very rare that a gay man has never at least tried to date women when they are young. Most of the guys I know have slept with a women at least once. Some were married. I on the other hand have my gay gold card. LOL NOT Interested.
But that is why gay men are kind of suspicious of guys who say they are bi, they assume that you are just going through what they did and just cant admit your gay. Thats why they wrongfully think you are lying.
My understanding about sexuality growing up (from books, not the parents) is that sexuality is really a scale. On one side you are straight, the other totally gay. Most people gravitate to one side or the other but some land right in the middle. I don't have a problem with that.
i slept with a boy before I am an "abomination" in their eyes just as much as you are,
Not in their eyes. You can still be saved. You just made a mistake, gays are purposely choosing a life of satin. You just tripped. that's how they will look at it.
Take that a step further and you are also always fly under the "hate radar". Even if everyone around you knows you are bi, they will not show up on your house and spray FAG on you front door, or scream FAG from a moving car or attack and almost kill you coming out of a gay bar( which just happened to someone in my town). No bi guy has ever been tied to a fence and beaten to death by 4 other guys for being bi. Only if they mistook you for gay. Some people may hate what you do, but those same people hate what gay people are. They are willing to take it several steps further. Not saying you would not support the LGBT community, but to the outside world, you are off the Hate Radar.
On the plus side, when you go into a party you literally have 100% of the crowd to choose from. Everyone thinks you could be a possibility. If you were straight, you would only have 50%. And if you were gay, only 10% of the 50%. And you wonder why gay men can be insecure.
By the way, as far as the perception of bisexuals as being more slutty which I am not saying you are. I think I can shed some light on that.
If you go to said party with say 20 people in the room, half men, half women, you have double the odds of meeting someone you like. A straight man might put the moves on one or two women he likes. Watching that from afar would not be that unusual. But assuming you are attracted to the same number of guys, now you have just hit on 4 people. That starts to look slutty. "he's hitting on everyone!" starts to come to mind. So not saying you do that, but I am sure its been done by others which may be where that reputation may have come from.
I came back to put this in another thread, one where a bicurious guy was in a serious relationship with a woman, to consider putting this there but now I can't find it (if anyone knows the thread I'm talking about and thinks this would go good there then share it there for me please or let me know which thread it is, thanks). But I guess it will go good enough here as well:
hank Wrote:I have gone out on a few dates with gay men, they seem a little put off by me being bisexual. To gay men out there would you date a bisexual guy?
One guy asked me something I didn't quite understand... "are you homoflexible?"
Umm, what the hell does that mean? Is that like being bisexual?
Listen, I think guys are put off by bisexuals, because they're afraid they might suddenly decide to "turn themselves out" and be with girls.
I think you should think and come to a conclusion - are you more into guys, or girls?
If the answer is "guys", I believe those guys who are put off by your being bisexual, would feel better, if you let them know you're more into guys, than girls (which is usually the case with bisexuals).
I think the whole "Bisexuals could do this/leave them for the opposite gender" argument is just ignorance. I'm surprised at how many replies are actually supporting the ignorance that Bisexuals have to face on a daily basis by both genders.
Sure the reality has to be spoken of, but theoretical situations with a party of 20 where a Bisexual has twice the amount people they can come onto is just demonising them even more. Unless someone is sex obsessed then I doubt theres going to be much more choice for a bisexual then there are for gay or straight people in those situations, the bisexual could be attracted to no one in that party whereas another straight person could be attracted to 5 people of the opposite gender. You're tarring Bisexuals with the same brush because of something 1 or 2 people have done before. Old stereotypes die hard it seems, it clearly means more then the individual themselves in cases like this.....
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