Unrequited Impossible Love...

[Cayris]

This is really soon to confess, but this is what happens when I sit and think. Why not relay my dark secret.

It's easier if I just say it:

I'm utterly, hopelessly, heart stopping, crazily in love with my homosexual best friend.

It wouldn't be so bad... if he wasn't into men and me being a woman. Maybe even it would be okay if he wasn't so obviously aware that I am. He knows me better than anyone on this planet, honestly. And he tells me (sometimes in the dead of the night) that it breaks his heart that he hurt me, and that he wishes things could be different.

So, get over him? Jesus. Teach me how. Someone once said, the only way I would get over him would be to walk away. So I did. I haven't spoken to him in two months. I know it's breaking his heart, he told me every day how much he cared about me, and I know it hurts me like hell. God. Why can't I move on?

There's a couple people who know. They say things like, "Well, he's homosexual, what did you expect would happen?" Or, "you're probably just in love with how he listens and not him."

That second one is false. I love his humor, his dreams, the way he talks, the way he makes me feel...

Oh, I'm pregnant. I have a child. Obviously, it's not his. I JUST started into a monogamous relationship with a male. I truly do care about him, as harsh as that sounds. I accidentally got pregnant with his kid and we decided to try to make it work. And he's amazing! And he deserves so much better than me to still think of my best friend.

I just... I don't know how to get this right anymore. Does respecting my current boyfriend mean I have to walk away from my best friend? Or, is it possible to live with unrequited love AND love for another man (I guess this only is an option because nothing could/would ever possibly happen)? Or, is my emotional cheating bad enough?

Mostly, am I truly as horrible as I feel I am?

[Blue]

First, ask yourself what kind of love you really have for your friend. Is it really that you want a romance with him, or is it a platonic, brother/beset friend kind of love? If it's the later, I see no problem and, it's quite understandable - he;s gay so sex is not in the equation, therefore he is safe and won't have the expectations with you that a romantic lover would.

Now if it is romantic love, yes you need to find a way to get back to friends. And yes it is a fine line, I have a gal pal that were she a gay man, or I a straight one we'd probably be a couple but she is a straight woman and I am a gay man so, no chance there.

[Rainbowmum]

Hello and

First let me say I am sorry you are so confused and hurting right now.

To answer your question ;Can you live with unrequited love?
Yes you can , will you be happy ,I very much doubt that, there is only so much illusion that you can force yourself to feel satisfied with.

Unrequited love is so very addictive because it is safe, your imagination can run away with you , Mr. unattainable remains without flaws ,you never have to let him go.
In the end if you do not walk away from this , your best friend will.
You see after a while he will find Mr . Right and you will be left sitting on a shelf.

As for the father of your child ,that in itself is will be very difficult to hold together,as you are well aware ,you are already looking elsewhere.

May I ask you why you are willing to settle for second best ?
Do you think it is not going to hurt him?

You must have more respect for yourself , you deserve better and so does the father of your child ,to gain the happiness you crave , you need to respect yourself, not settle for something else, to love yourself ,not depend on anyone else for happiness .

Girl you have a life growing inside of you ,you can longer think of what pleases others, your responsibility to this child is utmost important, and yes that means your happiness as well as your child's safety, your child deserves a happy mother , a mother that can love with a whole heart, and to do that you need to respect and love yourself.

You can get through this ,you are stronger than you think.


We are all here for you.

[Geminize]

Cayris, thanks for sharing. Having a dark secret is not healthy.

I believe (and hope) you can have a friendly relationship with your gay friend. It will take some work on your part to drop the romantic dream and accept him for who he is and as a close friend. True and deep friendship is too rare to walk away from, as far as I'm concerned. Yes, it's complicated. Yes, it could be difficult. Yes, you need to respect and honor your partner at the same time. Lots of honesty, communication, and integrity are required to make a situation like this work. It sounds to me like it would be worth it.