Anonymous Wrote:I never once considered asking my boyfriend to give up his dog.This entire thread is an emotional overreaction to my request for some perspective from someone who felt like a DOG was the most important member of the relationship. Sorry I asked. Just forget it. Apparently every homosexual is a pet owner.
just because no one agrees with you doesn't mean you're not getting advice and perspective .
as dfiant has just said , learn to deal with your jealousy . what better advice do you expect to get ?
the fact that you've posted this thread anonymously tells me that you understood , at least on some level , that people would not like what you had to say . now that people have replied and have all disagreed with you very strongly doesn't mean that we haven't given our advice and perspectives on this situation .
the reason i haven't given any examples of a previous relationship considering their pet to be more important than me is because i think that's completely irrelevant . plus , i think i've made my feelings pretty clear in previous posts .
pets are family . they shouldn't be considered inferior just because they are animals with a (usually) shorter lifespan .
Anonymous Wrote:Well this isn't exactly the direction I thought the thread would go, but it's not a big deal. I see the common theme in everyone's passionate responses. Unfortunately, not one person responded who has the experience of being in a relationship where the pet seemed to take precedence.
[COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Sorry you think that about this community on this subject, as they do respond with both passion and accuracy ,without being accusing , and without being judgmental .
My Terry had a cat ,I will not bore you with her name,they were inseparable , where he went the cat was there ,she was always on his lap or on his back when he snoozed , the bond they had was the most beautiful thing to witness, he lavished so much attention on her and she on him, he was her favorite human and when she died it was the most heartbreaking thing to watch my husband without her.[/COLOR]
[COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Did I feel neglected by this? No!
Did he spend more time with her than me? Of course he did.
I did not feel second best, I have enough self confidence and esteem to never feel threatened by my husbands love of another family member be it with fur or without.
You might want to think more of yourself instead of feeling like second best, You are feeling that way and you can change that ,give yourself a confidence boost , check your self worth.[/COLOR]
Quote:I never considered for one second making an ultimatum like, "me or the pet". It was only the sense of having a lower rank than the damn dog.
[COLOR="DarkOrchid"]Get involved with the "damn dog" once again confidence check, ask yourself.
Is your man capable of loving both of you?
Are you feeling jealous of his love for his dog?
Have you considered that the dog has invested far more time ,loyalty and love on your boyfriend than you have ;was there before you?
Remember do not project your insecurities on someone else and then turn them into facts. [/COLOR]
There's just something really cute about people who love their pets so much, too. I'm a lesbian, but I remember thinking if I was straight or bi I'd be interested in this guy (as it's just so cute how much he obviously loves his cat and puts himself out there like that):
You already admitted you form unhealthy, strong relationships to one person. You will throw away your whole family for just one person. Thus I understand why you can't grasp the whole 'we can share our heart with more than one person/critter' thing.
Quote:But I'm sorry, my boyfriend is my #1 priority in my life. He's more important to me than my family; more important to me than my friends; more important to me than my job. All of those things will be still be here in 10 years--or so I hope. But his dog will not. His dog will be dead. I would like to have the same level of recognition as I give him. I will be here in 10 years; 20 years--or more, I hope.
That my friend is not only unhealthy but actually kind of creepy. Making a (1) person the be all pivot point in your life is codependency at best - there are worse places this can go.
Healthy, and some of us unhealthy people, understand that sharing the heart is far, far better for all involved. You obviously don't get that, thus do not understand how a person an love a critter with all their heart and turn around and love their partner with all their heart and then turn around and love their parent with all their heart. That comes to at least 300% of the heart, but each love is vastly different and a healthy human being an feel various levels of love for different individuals in their life.
From what you wrote, it is clear you do not 'get' that.
Seems to me that you are very jealous because your current partner isn't as skewed as you are. Isn't he in for a nasty surprise.
I'm not sure that anyone seemed to be suggesting you are cruel to animals, anonymous.
I do know that human beings can be arbitrary and capricious and are capable of duplicity.
the unconditional love of an animal doesn't change based on their moods... they are always going to love you. it can be a source of encouragement and stability whereas people come and go in your life according to their whims...
it's nice to be greeted at the door with a smile at the end of the day even if it is from a pet. and they're not going to give you any shit man, they're just happy to see you.
I love how people kid themselves into believing that we're something more than animals ourselves.
That said, if someone asked me to either choose them or my cat, it would be a no brainer. I've had my cat for 18 years. He may be an animal, but he's part of the family. I would tell that person to **** off pretty quickly.
Anonymous, it doesn't sound like you've ever had a pet. I know for me, my cats and turtle bring out my nurturing side and they have made me a better person. They also bring me comfort and lots of laughter.
I think you need to recognize that having a pet is a commitment. Rather than viewing things in terms of priorities try to see this as a positive your bf possesses. He understands commitment, responsibility and his pet probably makes him a gentler soul. That pet has probably contributed to a lot of what you love about your bf.
So maybe backup and reassess things and give the dog a hug. :biggrin:
I would personally find it very difficult to choose a person over a pet, in almost any situation. I love my pets and hope I am never in a situation like that.
Animal lovers of all kinds believe that animals are better than humans, simply because they arent subjected and bombarded with bigotry, hate, prejudices, and all that crap people foist upon other people on a daily basis. Animals love you for you or not at all.
Yes, some of them might find humans as a "free ride", but as with humans, loyalty is something that is earned, not given out. Animals dont judge you or make fun of you. They dont kick you when youre down, they take you as you are......baggage and all.
The problem is in beginning a relationship with a pet owner, is to find out what level of pet owner they are.
Do they have a pet just because they are lonely?
Do they have a pet because it was a gift?
Do they have a pet because its an extension of themselves?
Do they have a pet because they believe animals are just as good as human companions?
Do they consider the pet their "baby" or "child"?
Think of it as going into a relationship with someone who has kids. Once you wrap your mind around that concept, you might understand them more and can find ways to exist with the human and the pet.
The relationship over the pet?
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love it .
