Cute but I'm not that interested

[Marc]

there goes angry marc , so hot. too hot to handle. chill marc

No no, not angry

I just don't like shallow people pretending they are so hard done by

[Double007]

Hey Marc,

DON't JUDGE ME! Until you've been crowned GOD of the Universe, I'm not sure that you can cast judgement. Second, I said he was cute, but not what I am looking for. NO WHERE IN THAT POST DID I SAY "HE'S NOT HOT SO I DON'T WANT HIM." If you were take your HOLY ART THOU LENSES off you would see that really I was complementing his looks by saying he's cute, but there are some personality things that I noticed. He is basically very attractive guy.
I do not consider myself shallow. I associate with all kinds of people in my life. I'm simply sorting out my preferences and figuring this thing out. I want the best for myself and no I don't just look at looks. I have some standards and no I'm not not perfect or anywhere near it. He and I have had some conversations already and I think I'm capable expressing my thoughts and concerns. I can ask what people think and learn from their suggestions and opinions. I'm sure there was a time in your life where you had to weigh out the possibilities and questions.

[Marc]

There's no need to get upset.
This is a public forum, where you posted your question, and I gave my answer.

If you don't like the truth as I see it, then may I suggest you refrain from posting questions like this?

[SolemnBoy]

Wow this thread is kind of tense... should we kiss now or?

[Marc]

Wow this thread is kind of tense... should we kiss now or?

Are you calling me gay?

[SolemnBoy]

Are you calling me gay?

Just breaking the ice, no homo!

[Marc]

Just breaking the ice, no homo!

Are you calling me Fat?

[MisterTinkles]

To be totally blunt..........

Desperation is what kills most gay men and most of thier relationships.

They are so scared and worried about never finding "Mr. Right", they end up allowing themselves to be brainwashed by the BS out there.....where you're nobody unless you have somebody, or you are a pathetic loser if you dont have a BF or GF. Its all BULLSHIT. What they dont realize is there is no "Mr. Right". Nobody is going to be perfect, but you've got to be compatible on the "inside" before you can become compatible on the "outside".

You are allowing your lonliness to drive your emotional state. This is dangerous on SO many levels, I cant even begin to list them all.

Lonliness begats desperation.
Desperation begats Anxiety.
Anxiety begats nervousness.
Nervousness begats depression.
And depression will just get you in a big mess of trouble.

You need to take stock in yourself. You need to find out who YOU are, not what everybody ELSE tells you that you should be. Dont let your emotions run your life and control your body. YOU need to control your emotions and your body.

Age has nothing to do with a relationship (as long as you are of legal age). Ive met 20 year olds who are more mature than most guys over 40 Ive met. Ive met 50 year olds who act like they are 17. Personalities are part of the basis for a solid relationship, not shallow labels put on people to pigeonhole thier potential, minds, or personalities.

You have to sit down and write out the pros and cons of ANY kind of relationship before approaching it.

In this case, I would consider the fact that there are more cons than pros.

I would also consider the fact that this guy is in college. College people of any type are not one's for relationships. They are in COLLEGE. That takes up their time, their brain power, and their money.
They are struggling to get college done and over with so they can get out in the big bad world and grudge out an existence. A relationship would just strain him too much.

You need to find out who YOU are, what is best for you (dont lie to yourself), what point you are in your life, and where do you want to be in 10 years? And then, how to get to that point.

People jump into relationships like they jump into a car and then take off. Sooner or later they are gonna have an accident.

Once you figure yourself out, then finding someone shouldnt be a huge issue for you. That way you can take your time and get to know someone. Get to be friends first, learn about each other. Once that happens, then you can take it to the dating level. If that works out, then you can take it up to the more serious levels. Constant communication is the key. Dont take it for granted that the other one is going to automatically think what you are thinking, and feel the way you are feeling.

If you jump into something, it will end up a wreck.

[Undreamt]

you make 2 hours sound like such a big distance.
I've got friends that have to travel 2 hours each way for work. Clearly it wasn't too far for you an him to regularly go to the same club.

You admit that you have been out of the dating scene for a while, and you found him attractive enough to make the first move.
Why not just see how it goes, are you really expecting the next guy you date to be 'the one'?
It gives your experience and you might find something new about yourself, if things don't work out then what have you lost?

That being said, even though you deny it I have a feeling the age difference might be an issue, if only for the fact that he is young full of energy and stays up later than you. Perhaps it is more of a concern that you both have a difference sense of timing

[Bowyn Aerrow]

So,

First and foremost, the last significant other I had was my sophomore year in high school. Obviously, I don't have much/any dating and relationship experience since I'm now 34. I've been eyeballing this guy at a nightclub I typically go to and he's been doing the same. I finally got sick and tired of going to the club alone being afraid to talk to people, so I approached him. We ended up dancing together and had a good time. I would say that he was on the line between okay and cute.

He is 23, not a big problem for me. He's in college, not a big problem for me. The school he goes to and where he lives is 2 hours away, that's kind of a problem. We exchanged numbers and he sent me a text wanting to meet up outside of the club. I told him that I would get back to him.

As I think about it, I'm not sure I want to pursue this much. I feel like although he was cute, he wasn't quite what I'm looking for. The distance ( a few other things too) just doesn't help. For the last two nights he has sent me "goodnight texts" (at 1:00am mind you) which is thoughtful and shows interest but too frickin late.

I'm struggling with this, primarily because I would love to have a boyfriend and explore my sexuality more. I do get lonely at times and really feel I shouldn't just turn people down but I also feel like I want to find someone I want or someone that we could spend quality time together and not have to drive two hours. At my age I feel like their are people nearby that I could spend time getting to know.

Am I wrong for thinking like this?
What do you think I should do?

Seems to me you know what you need in a relationship and this guy isn't able to fill that need.

We all have our needs and wants in our partners. I wouldn't tell you to go and get involved with him no more than I would tell you to go and date a woman because that is what the majority of men do.

However, I will point out that college is usually a temporary condition, unlike gender which is pretty much set in most cases (yes there are exceptions to that, duly noted).

Meaning that while he is at college two hours away today, that won't be true for ever.

And it is only 2 hours. Its not like you have to jump on a jetliner and fly halfway cross the country to see him for one night, then turn around and fly back to make it to work.

Since you didn't list all of the reasons, I will have to leave it up to you to look at the permanence of these reasons. People do change over time, circumstances change over time - sometimes for the better, some times for the worst.

All relationships come with risks.

I think that one of the reasons why you haven't been in relationships is because you fear the risk factor. Maybe fear rejection? So you opted to take the risk free route of being single for all of these years, and now that you are confronted with a possible change in that routine you are working over time to come up with reasons to keep him at a distance so as to not upset what has up to now worked for you.

The worst that can happen is that he opens up your chest, rips out your beating heart and proceeds to jump up and down on it as you watch in horror.

It happens to everyone, eventually - well those who don't opt to be a old person surrounded by hundreds of cats in their elderly years....