Need Help and Opinions Desperately

[jonestom9876]

So I am not going to lie, I think I'm actually in love with my roommate.

[ChrisD]

Let's see...... You can't really get in the way of his relationship with this girl. Well, first figure out what kind of relationship actually exists between them, and please try to respect whatever they have- support his feelings about their relationship. As far as him covering up his assumed sexual orientation in conversation, it sounds like it is because he is uncomfortable with himself. Maybe. So, you could try making him "comfortable" with what you're assuming is closeted gay tendencies- make sure he knows that you're OK with it, but don't directly tell him "You know, if you're gay, I'm fine with that." He might see it as an insult or unwelcome advance. However, if you are really close friends he might feel a bit more at ease. Also, be sure that he has a definite interest in men before making any more moves to suggest that you are interested in something more than a friendship. If you are just looking for sex and blatantly share that I'm guessing he won't respond well, unless he wants the exact same thing, so you're gonna have to go for a long- term relationship, but I think that shouldn't ne a problem.

Well, Good Luck and let us know how things go.

Chris


Oh and welcome to the forum! feel free to PM or chat with anyone if you want to talk!

[dfiant]

you have left your run too late, so unfortunately you are just going to have to deal with the loss that comes with a lost opportunity.

To persue him now that he has another interest and potential relationship would be immoral.

[ChrisD]

you have left your run too late, so unfortunately you are just going to have to deal with the loss that comes with a lost opportunity.

To persue him now that he has another interest and potential relationship would be immoral.

I agree. You're gonna have to stick to just being good friends, and find someone else.

[unkown21]

HI! and welcome to the forum! You came to the right place to look for advice and great fun conversation. The People here have helped me to a degree at which i feel I owe them seomthing. Anyway, I will try and give you my 2 cents, although i want you to know i have no experience with relationships. He is obviously at least bi, as you said earlier by seeing his emails when he asked you to check them for him. He also may even be gay, and trying to date women for the "normal" factor in order to convince himself that he is indeed normal (as myself personally and quite a few people have done). That aside we know that there is a sexual attraction to men. I know a few random hookups i have been with are bi and hit me up when they are horny. But its not an emotional attraction to me or even men in general. And for some that is the case. So what we need to find out is if he is or has ever been wanting a relationship with a man. And brother the only way to do that is to ask him. You dont have to tell him you noticed the emails, because then he may think you were snooping (or maybe he wanted you to see the emails, its a toss up.) but it seems that there is a lot of beating around the bush, and that if you were to completely open up and be honest with him, you might get some honesty back. Im not saying that its an easy thing today, as I too would be terrified if i was in your position, but if you truly want to know, you have to break down and ask him. I hope I was able to help you, like i said i dont have much experience, but all my girl friends come to me with their relationship advice for some weird reason.

[Geminize]

You sound miserable, so I agree you need to do something to change your situation. You either need to let him go and put this behind you, or let him know how you feel. If he does have deep feelings for his girlfriend, as a friend I think you need to respect that. Maybe you can let him know you feel jealous of her without it sounding too weird. If there's "no way he doesn't know" that you are attracted to him, then it shouldn't come as a surprise to him. He just may be surprised that you are finally saying something about it out loud. You don't know how he will react, but like you said, you can't keep going on like this. Your friendship may change due to your honesty, hopefully for the better.

[Marc]

I think there is never an excuse to break up a relationship mate.
You need to realise you have left it to late, and concentrate on friendship.

[Rainbowmum]

Let it go , he is in a relationship making him in a N.G.Z, ( No Go Zone)
Time to move on and find your own happiness.

[monk]

If he's seeing someone else, back off.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Perhaps now you have the incentive to now remain in that closet of yours and will see that being stuck in it can cost you dearly.

As for him, you had your chance (maybe) and that chance is now closed. He moved on.

And it is his own fault too, after all he chooses to remain in his closet, but unlike you the loss isn't manifest, he actually got a gain, so he most likely isn't going to attempt coming out of that closet over this.

But the modern relationship rarely lasts more than a long rainy afternoon. So he most likely will date this person for a while, they will have a silly fight over something stupid and end up singles again and maybe then, if you are out of your closet, a second chance may present itself.

Even if this is one of those one off long term relationships, its time you come out of your closet and start being who you really are instead of playing these terrible games with yourself which will lead to more missed opportunities.

Yes its hurts now, but eventually it will stop hurting. Take whatever important lessons you can from this experience and do what you can to prevent a repeat.