I’m a 22 year old closeted gay male in love with my best friend who is straight

[helloimcharlie]

Thanks a lot guys! Your comments mean so much more than you guys know.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

to GS Charlie.

Im afraid you're not going to like my post, but you asked for advice, so here it is.

You've got yourself into a right emotional tangle by falling in love, not only with your best friend, but your best straight friend at that.

The pain and confusion your going through right now are classic jealousy symptoms, and I will be brutally honest here, if you cant get over the fact that he is not only straight but also taken then this can only end in tears, and they will mainly be on your side.

As others have said, you're not the first nor will you be the last gay guy, to fall head over heals in love with their best straight friend. But hopefully by recognising the symptoms (and you must surely have, by coming here and asking your question in the first place) you can find the cure. If you don't, then the ensuing fall out will be messy, depressing, and feel unending.

You have already said you have extended periods away from Danny, so here is my advice. Treat the away time as a break up. Get out socially, join your campus LGBT society and make new friends, have sexual fun (safely) and find yourself a gay guy to fall in love with. Get a bf, and then share that happy news with Danny when the time is right. He will be happy for you when you tell him.

Continue to fixate (stalk?) on Danny and it will become a downwards spiral that will end with you loosing your best friend. Forever.

You're young, your in an environment where you can easily make gay friends, the world is your oyster my friend.

We all want things we cant have, such is life. Move on.

Dont be afraid to ask more questions on here. The advice you will get is from people who have generally been through it all before.

Im not ObW for nothing!


x

[helloimcharlie]

There was a time when I got over Danny for almost 4 months. I didn't think about him as often, I didn't obsess about him like I usually do, and I was free. And then we hung out again, and all my emotions started rushing all back. What's hard is that he's not just a crush or someone i could just forget about; he's my best friend. He's always going to be there and it's hard to throw away all my deep emotions for him, especially when i often confuse his friendship for something more.

I do thank you for such positive insight. I do hope one day that I can find someone to love. It's been about 2 days or so since I posted this thread, and the lgbt community has been so supportive. I've really appreciated all these responses and they have really been so helpful. I'm not saying I've fully had a change of heart about Danny, but these replies have helped me somewhat suppress a lot of pain. Thank you all once again.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Unfortunately he is most likely a 'nice guy' and instead of taking up a 2x4 and beating you to an inch of death literally, he will be nice and unintentionally rip out your heart and jump up and down on it metaphorically speaking.

1. He is straight. This is something he apparently has no plan on changing. Nor should he. Would you want a woman to insist you become straight to be her BF?

2. If he is a closeted homophobe, its better you find out now and move on. honestly I don't get the whole "I like my friends, but I'm terrified that they will leave me when I come out." If they leave you when you come out, then they were not really your friend to begin with.

2.b. What kind of friend hides themselves and lies constantly to their friend about something as basic as their sexuality? What game are you playing by lying to maintain a friendship?

Yes I know, its hard. but you already know what you need to do. You need to grow a pair and tell him how it is and stand their and accept his responce.

No, do not expect him to say 'Oh gee, I have been waiting all the time for you to make it ok for me to be gay and he marries you.'

You are not happy let alone content. As long as you keep playing this game you will be miserable. Let it go, move on, find a man who is able (and most willing no doubt) to reciprocate that love you have. You deserve that.

The only person being hurt here is you. If he even thinks about all the stuff that you do, he most likely has concluded you are a homosexual and he's ok with that. If he is not ok with your being gay, so be it.

[helloimcharlie]

Thank you for your advice!

[behrens2001]

Oh wow I definitely had similar experience as well. What I did was I told my best friend about it, and then told him that if he had the same feeling, it was awesome; if not, all I wanted was to stay best friend was him. Sadly he did not have that feeling and he felt awkward hanging out with me for a couple of weeks. But afterwards he came to apologize and told me that he was an asshole and was immature. We hugged and now are best friends again.

Your bestfriend is straight Charlie. He will not be able to love you back even if he wants. So you should probably try to give him up and start to look for someone else. I know it sounds painful but I think it is wise and rational.

Hope this helps!!! It sounds like what I've been through and my situation is really similar to you. I am from New York as well, haha. Let me know if you want to talk. Maybe we can be friends haha.