Confused yet again

[hank]

Need a bit of perspective please.

I am in love with a woman, I have loved her for a long time. She doesn't know, because I fear telling her. But I almost exclusively fantasize about men. Her very presence arouses me. But just last night I couldn't take my eyes off of thus adorable guy. She is the only woman that gets me that way.

Just so damned confusing. Need advice please

[Blue]

Settle down - get it in your head that sex, and therefore a hard dick doe NOT equal love in any sense of the word - it's lust, that's all.

You're young and male, pretty normal to be in LUST with just about anything that moves LOL (yes exaggerated) Figure out who YOU are, never mind anyone right now. Hank needs to know who Hank is or Hank is always going top be confused.

You can't know who you are going to be good with until you have a really good idea of who you are, doesn't have to be perfect but, you do need to get to know you more.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I think you are confusing lust with love.

You could be with the perfect person and see a hot number hitch hiking down the road and say 'God that was hot' but have no intention of ever doing anything with that hitchhiker. Its perfectly normal - humans and elves both are hard wired to appreciate the bodies of others.

Chances are high that ten miles down the road that hitch hiker will be a dim memory, and by next morning waking up next to your love, that hitchhiker is all gone.

Gay straight bi whatever - we all have these moments where we see something we like, have a fantasy or two... It doesn't mean we love who we are with less, it only means we have a sex drive.

Males are hard designed for multiple sex partners. One example: The shape of the penis and all the hard pumping action is designed to suck out competing sperm. Our brains are pretty much hardwired in most cases to not think of sex beyond the momentary pleasure. Yes most of us can think of sex as being more special, that is the newer fore-brain talking.

Monogamy is not a natural thing for humans, between DNA and how many humans have lasted to be alive today, scientists are very certain that that is only possible because one of many great-grand fathers dipped the wick in many ink wells in his day.

These are realities that you are dealing with. No doubt coupled with the notion that you are missing out on something because you are interested in both genders.

Confusion is a natural human state of being. God was a cruel creator, with a really wicked sense of humor. Get used to it.

[Geminize]

Hank, I agree with the guys above. Being in love with someone doesn't mean blinders go on for everyone else. It does mean making conscious choices and maybe even *gulp* a commitment. I encourage you to really look at what your fear is in telling her how you feel. I can speculate, but I don't want to put words in your mouth. Not telling her is just as risky as telling her. We can't go through life without some risks, rejection, regrets, etc. To be open to the greatest joys means also being open to deep sadness -- the full range of human emotion.

Ok... enough preaching.

[princealbertofb]

I don't think you're confused, Hank, you have rightly labelled yourself a bi man, therefore it's normal for you to have urges for men as for this one woman. Honestly though, you'll need to get that urge to have male on male sex out of your system because it's making you doubt who you are? Could it possibly be because you have nothing to compare the love/lust you feel for your woman friend to? Once you've tasted both kinds, then maybe it'll be easier to choose. Have you tried having sex with her?

[pellaz]

find out if a same sex relationship would work better for you. as said above sex plays a small part in a relationship and its not like the porn.

would you be able to talk to a husband better than an wife
would you respect a man or a woman more
which stands a better bet to gain your trust?


try to choose not based on what is trendy cultish or dont reject a same sex relationship on the grounds of what people would say. They dont sleep in your bed.

[hank]

Hank, I agree with the guys above. Being in love with someone doesn't mean blinders go on for everyone else. It does mean making conscious choices and maybe even *gulp* a commitment. I encourage you to really look at what your fear is in telling her how you feel. I can speculate, but I don't want to put words in your mouth. Not telling her is just as risky as telling her. We can't go through life without some risks, rejection, regrets, etc. To be open to the greatest joys means also being open to deep sadness -- the full range of human emotion.

Ok... enough preaching.

I fear telling her because if she doesn't love me back I don't know how I will feel. Chances are she may not.

[hank]

I don't think you're confused, Hank, you have rightly labelled yourself a bi man, therefore it's normal for you to have urges for men as for this one woman. Honestly though, you'll need to get that urge to have male on male sex out of your system because it's making you doubt who you are? Could it possibly be because you have nothing to compare the love/lust you feel for your woman friend to? Once you've tasted both kinds, then maybe it'll be easier to choose. Have you tried having sex with her?

I am generally attracted to men, she is the exception. I liked a boy once we played around but nothing more.

Nothing compares to the way I feel about Jessica. Anytime I think about sex its with a male. But she arouses me in such a different way. We have never had sex.

[hank]

find out if a same sex relationship would work better for you. as said above sex plays a small part in a relationship and its not like the porn.

would you be able to talk to a husband better than an wife
would you respect a man or a woman more
which stands a better bet to gain your trust?


try to choose not based on what is trendy cultish or dont reject a same sex relationship on the grounds of what people would say. They dont sleep in your bed.

I generally say that I am not sexually oriented, it isn't gender that attracts me, porn is exclusively gay, but I understand that porn isn't sex and sex isn't love. I had a boyfriend when I was 13 but that may have just been childish puppy love. I looked him up on Facebook, recently he has a wife and the little girls, so evidently he isn't gay. But just seeing him in a picture made me feel like I did when he was there.

As far as male or female lover, I wouldn't care. I love both, I have no sexual preferenc

[pellaz]

have you been in a straight relationship
vs
a same sex relationship

in these posts not everything can be said that is needed. You might need to experience both. 7years down the line it might really matter but now I really see you committed. that either one will work.