When I went to school in florida I started experimenting with guys. I did a few things here and there, but I really wanted to try bottoming. Every time I would attempt to bottom it would hurt too much or I would chicken out at the last second.
One night though I met this guy at his place. He was very muscular and very well endowed. Probably 8.5in and quite thick. We were fooling around and he was a bit rough, but nothing I haven't seen before. He knew I was a virgin and I told him to go slow which he did initially. As he was slowly pushing it in it started to really hurt. I told him to stop because it hurt, but he didn't say anything and kept pushing further. I was getting nervous and tried to push his leg back to push him out, but he held my arms down. At this point I was helpless because he was much stronger than I am. He pushed fully in and when he did I knew. It felt painful, but kinda good at the same time. Then he started to fuck me really fast, which I wasn't expecting and I thought I was going to lose my voice how loud I was moaning. It hurt and felt good at same time. He started to jerk me off really fast while fucking me which was a crazy experience. Felt so different. I came probably in 30 second exploding all over myself. He continued fucking me fast add extra streams of cum to come out. After he finished we got dressed and I left. I'm not sure if he took advantage of me or not. What do you guys think?
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Welcome to the forums, Moose.
Yes, if you told him to stop and he ignored you and held you down as you tried to shake him, that was forced sex. It sounds like it was pleasurable (though painful) for you, but that doesn't excuse it. Just because you enjoyed it on some level doesn't make what he did right. Two guys can have very tender sex, respecting each other's needs and boundaries. It can be fun to be rough too, as long as both people are ready for that and wanting it.
By how clearly you write about this incident, it sounds as if you have a healthy attitude about it. No need for shame, guilt, or judgment: just learn about yourself and your boundaries.
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Yes, stop means stop PERIOD just as no means NO. Anyone with any courtesy and respect for you would also stop at eve hesitation from you.
Pleasurable or not, any forced or coerced sexual acts hurt, and not just on a physical level. While that may be minor, it can be devastating for the victim. Yes you heard that right you were a victim of that guy.
It sound like it hasn't affected you too badly, or that you have worked through it but, it was abuse, even if just once. Your words were ignored and, your limits violated. Make sure you know you limits and boundaries and, do your best to never let anyone do something like that again.
No shame or guilt about it happening - that is all on them but, don't let anyone take your personal power from you. If they try, or succeed, get away from them, they are not the kind of person you want or need to be with.
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Stop means stop , just as no means no.
He did not take any notice of you saying stop so yes it was forced and you were violated.
I really think you need to speak to a professional about this , you were raped and you need some help to get past this , just because some of it felt good does not mean anything, that was a pure physical reaction.
Please get some help as this kind of thing can come back and cause all sorts of intimacy issues in the future.
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You were raped, weather you ended up enjoying it or not up for discussion. You said STOP and he didn't, that is RAPE, no 2 ways of looking at it.
It's also always a paedophiles excuse 'He got an erection so he enjoyed it', still rape.
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Yes to me this feels like rape - but I don't know. I have no idea who you are, and what you get into.
The way you wrote all of that suggests you kind of liked it. Possibly you wanted it that way?
Your description of the event including his endowment size, muscled body is not typical of 'abuse' or rape victims tales. Few victims get into such other details either. Most find it too hurtful to talk about and think about, and stick to dry bland facts.
Unlike others, I don't fully believe that saying 'no' always means 'no'. There are times when a 'no' does mean 'yes' - which does confuse many issues. There is a reason why there are safe words which really mean 'No'. Heat of passion and shyness can play a role in such matters.
I have no idea what the context of this situation was in, I have no idea what you two talked about before. Perhaps you lead him to believe you wanted him to 'take charge' of the situation?
You said:
Quote:I really wanted to try bottoming. Every time I would attempt to bottom it would hurt too much or I would chicken out at the last second.
Did you say something along these lines to him?
If so this may have been his way, albeit poor, to grant your wish. Poor communication perhaps?
Again I don't know.
You need to figure this one out on your own. I don't know what connected emotions this gives you personally. I do not know your wants and needs in such matters.
I do know guys who actually want this sort of thing. And that is ok to want something like that, but I would strongly suggest doing it with a partner you trust and know enough to know its not really harmfully intended.
If this is a problem with/for you I would suggest finding a therapist and talk it out with a professional.
Unfortunately victims can like what happened to them and still not like it. There are too many blurred lines, its a complex sort of thing.
So I am uncertain what this was to you/for you. A therapist can help you explore your feelings and decide 'what' this was. And if it was a 'bad thing' help you to reconcile it in your life.
If it wasn't a 'bad thing' for you, then perhaps this is pointing toward a direction that you want/need to go with a partner.
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I wish there was a dislike button.
Quite clearly you have the same respect for the word that comes out of someones mouth as the perpetrator had for his victim.
No never means yes, no means no, if it meant yes, then humans are more than capable of saying yes.
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Hang on guys.
Let's be fair about this stuff.
In the first case, the OP clearly said:
Quote: He knew I was a virgin and I told him to go slow which he did initially.
So, it's REASONABLE in *this* case to infer that STOP does indeed mean STOP.
However, BA is right, in other cases (role playing) "no", or "stop" may be all part of the "scene"--and THAT emphasizes the importance of the "safe word" BA referred.
But clearly, this is not a case of role playing. This was a virgin who asked for some self restraint on the part of his partner.
All that said, the OP may have discovered something about himself as a result of this experience (i.e. he may like it a little rough). But as almost everyone else agrees, any predilection towards rough sex is STILL NOT permission to proceed farther than your partner lets you.
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dfiant Wrote:I wish there was a dislike button.
Quite clearly you have the same respect for the word that comes out of someones mouth as the perpetrator had for his victim.
No never means yes, no means no, if it meant yes, then humans are more than capable of saying yes.
Seriously? Clearly no respect for the word?
Do you even know me? Have you forgotten that I am a survivor of abusive situations in every way?
How dare you make such a remark.
Yes, like it or not, some people do say 'no' when they mean yes. I have done it in many situations, in and out of bed. It happens, things get confusing.
I'm being reasonable and not assuming on this particular subject. If you put that back in context I think it becomes clear where I am coming from.
Yeah I know, you don't like it - so what, no skin off my nose.
Dislike, hate, ignore, whatever makes you feel good about yourself.
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LateBloomer Wrote:Hang on guys.
Let's be fair about this stuff.
In the first case, the OP clearly said:
So, it's REASONABLE in *this* case to infer that STOP does indeed mean STOP.
However, BA is right, in other cases (role playing) "no", or "stop" may be all part of the "scene"--and THAT emphasizes the importance of the "safe word" BA referred.
But clearly, this is not a case of role playing. This was a virgin who asked for some self restraint on the part of his partner.
All that said, the OP may have discovered something about himself as a result of this experience (i.e. he may like it a little rough). But as almost everyone else agrees, any predilection towards rough sex is STILL NOT permission to proceed farther than your partner lets you.
People rarely give every detail of a situation. They pick and choose the data they feel is important to put in a post and hope the rest is inferred.
I still don't know this guy, I still have no idea what lead up to this... he may have voiced other things which he has failed to convey. I don't know.
As such, my suggestion to see a therapist still stands.
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Unsure if first time was forced sex.
