Unsure if first time was forced sex.

[Blue]

As it's stated by the OP, it was forced, but, you bring up a good point, David, it may have been a bit of agreed upon consensual non consent, in which case, the giver did right, did as the OP actually wanted.

I think we need to hear from the OP here and find out if that was the case.

[Beau]

My high school sex ed. teacher said something that always stuck with me. He said "Girls, the boys are raging with hormones. If you want to try sex, realize he's not going to stop until he's finished." It's a lot like what happened here.

I don't think the OP didn't want to have sex. The story shows he did. He just didn't want to get hurt in the process. When he said "No" it was no to being anally penetrated. Not no I refuse to have sex with you.

Rape means involuntary sex. The OP was totally voluntary, but he was afraid of getting hurt and tried to pull away. Now I'm not condoning what happened here. You should ALWAYS listen to your partner. That's key to a relationship. I'm just saying I don't think it was rape.

[megumidesu]

My high school sex ed. teacher said something that always stuck with me. He said "Girls, the boys are raging with hormones. If you want to try sex, realize he's not going to stop until he's finished." It's a lot like what happened here.

I don't think the OP didn't want to have sex. The story shows he did. He just didn't want to get hurt in the process. Which he wasn't.

Rape means involuntary sex. The OP was voluntary, just afraid of getting hurt. I'm not condoning what happened here. You should ALWAYS listen to your partner. That's key to a relationship. I'm just saying I don't think it was rape.

your sex ed. teacher was an idiot unless he also explained that you can change your mind at any point.
if a guy is having sex with someone and they ask him to stop , he doesn't have the right to finish anyway . if he continues after being asked or told to stop , then he's violating whoever he's with and , even if you don't consider it "rape" , it's still going to be traumatic for the victim ~

[Geminize]

People rarely give every detail of a situation. They pick and choose the data they feel is important to put in a post and hope the rest is inferred.

I agree with Bowyn. Rape is a very serious accusation, and I'm not willing to make it based on a few paragraphs submitted here. As the OP described it this was a case of forced sex, but in a context of consensual sex.

As far as I'm concerned, no means no unless both partners share a clear understanding otherwise. If this was the first time the OP and this guy had sex, there wasn't likely a chance to establish that kind of understanding. There's no excuse for ignoring a person's request to stop, especially by someone who is larger and stronger.

[Pix]

Definitely raped. And guys who have adult impulse control (I dare say even teen, but maybe some teens just have a more adult version) CAN stop, even if they have to get themselves off later.

That said, I understand Bowyn Aerrow's confusion. I've been to a PTSD group with a lot of rape victims, met others who had been raped (as it's too common and going to multiple women's self-defense courses made sure I'd meet more than my share, and btw, this is where one invited me to her PTSD group), knew plenty of boys & girls a like who had been molested, and they sound very different from this. The OP in this thread read more like porn than a survivor's account.

[zeon]

Hello,
I dont want to break the news mista but the fact you said stop and he didnt signals to me that you may have been possibly raped... I would imagen the sexual climax is curiousity taking over and to be honest when someone says stop stop it is as if u dont that resorts to rape. This is a difficult one to answer because you stated to liked it to some degree but i would imagen that is to do with the adrenaline rush... I hope all wounds from it have healed and if your not in contact with him anymore try to find a way to put this behind you...
I do feel for you on this topic because men can get carried away and not take no for an answer and without meaning to rape another man in sexual misconduct... If you feel like you want to talk on a 1 2 1 basis away from the forums my email is attached feel free to drop me a line

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon
Gayspeak Agony aunt

[BlueMoose2]

Hey everyone sorry I haven't been around to clear up any confusions. In my personal opinion I do not think I was "raped". I say that would be taking what happened to the extreme. I was fully aware of what I was getting into. We both consented to having sex with each other. What happened is it got a little rough in the beginning which I was not ready for given I was new at the time to it. I wish he would have gone slower, but once he was in everything started to hurt less. I do still feel he could have gone slower and wish he didn't ignore my wishes to slow down. As some have said he may have misunderstood what I said and thought I needed this to go through with it and not succumb to the initial pain associated with first time anal play. I hope that clears things up. Sorry if I mistyped or worded things incorrectly. Didn't mean to start a big debate. Was just curious if his actions were a bit rough for a first timer.

[Geminize]

Thanks for chiming in, Moose. I'm glad you don't think you were raped. Like I said earlier, you were in a context of consensual sex so the issue gets a little complicated. Some people have such a horrible history with rape that it's a black and white issue for them.

I'd say, yes, his actions were rough for you being a first timer. Hookups are so different from partners who want to develop a sexual relationship. If a guy is invested in getting to know you, he will be more likely to check in with your needs and act accordingly. I hope you have a different experience with another guy.

[Blue]

Yes, I'd say too rough. It is possible to get through a first time anal with nothing more than mild discomfort that gives way to nothing but pleasure but, your partner has to know what he's doing and, be able to read you and, listen to give you that.

[Franco]

well he pushed when you say stop, but in the end you liked it, so yeah it was kind of a rape but with a happy ending