Verbally Abusive =(

[lawdddvoldemort]

Let me start out by saying I love my boyfriend VERY very much. Unfortunately, he's very mean to me. He seems like he's always mad at me or I annoy him. I feel like I love him way much than he loves me. He constantly disagrees with pretty much everything I say and always has to be right. When I address the issue to him about him belittling me or being mean he always turns it around on me and says that I'm dramatic and too sensitive. I KNOW that i'm EXTREMELY sensitive, I can't help it but the thing that pisses me off is that he knows that is how I am but he continues to berate me. I know people will say to leave him but that is not an option for me because I don't want to give up so soon. I've fought for 7 years to finally be with him! So please don't respond and say leave him. Sometimes I feel dumb because he's younger than me and I feel like I don't have the upper hand, which sounds horrible to say. In relationships NO ONE should have the upper hand, it should be equal. Basically, I'm just looking for suggestions or to talk to someone who has or is going thru a similiar situation. </3

[bluefox4000]

Not the kind of man for me......i'd get out. There is NO excuse for abuse of any kind.

I understand you love him, if it were me he'd be out on his ass. I know you said not to write that, but hell. I got mad just by reading that. I would never take that from anyone.

Mick

[dfiant]

you are being taken advantage of, he is your Mr Wrong not your Mr Right, and the more time you spend trying to repair something that is beyond repairing, the greater the chances are you will miss the opportunity to meet Mr Right.

You aren't going to hear many people say stay with him, so get used to hearing the right advice....leave him.

[lawdddvoldemort]

Yeah I should've guessed someone would say to leave him. I just wish you both understood what I had to go through to finally be with him. =(

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Ok, so a simple 'dump him' won't work.

I have to wonder if you really want to do down this road, but since you are looking for reasons to stay with him.... This may hurt - a lot.

Blunt truth time. Even if you did all manner of things to offend him, that really doesn't justify continual verbal lashing out at you. Yes the occasional hurtful fight, we all say things in anger and most of us regret it as soon as the words are out of our mouths.

Your willingness to find reasons to stick with this man although he has demonstrated to you he is not nice, is in fact mean, is indeed cruel and more than willing to hurt you is a sickness, a codependency on him, showing you have extremely low self esteem. It is sick, as in mental/emotional health medical illness sick.

You are being the perfect little victim here. Stop it.

You are giving him a lot more control than he deserves (or knows how to handle) and he is unleashing his own set of sickness on you.

Abusers love their victims, especially when the victim complies and comes back for more and more and more.

YOU have to stop that chain of events from taking place, YOU need to grow a pair and defend yourself by drawing a line and walking away when he hurts you.

No one else can do that for you.

This relationship is not a loving one, and I seriously doubt you have much real love for this man. You have the victims skewed sense of love which trust me, is not a healthy, happy place to be.

I have been there, I have done that - allowed all manner of bad things to take place because I though that that was love. Its not.

Your refusal to accept 'Dump his ass now' and want this so called 'love' to be justified is also a symptom of your being a victim.

Now your homework, if you can get over the tears I most likely have you in now, is to follow this link https://www.google.com/#hl=en&safe=off&t...90&bih=714 and start clicking on sites and reading and studying to discover what you are currently doing.

Honestly, what i have just said is something I wish someone had said to me way back. I had to figure it out on my own and made the same mistakes over and over again.

Please, please, please don't follow in my foot steps and make the same mistakes I made.

Study up, read, learn and force yourself to see what is happening here.

You deserve far much more than this lout can obviously give you. Yes you are really worth more, yes there is a man out there who will love your drama and sensitivity. A man is out there looking for those qualities and more that you and only you possess.

The trick is finding him and not letting the assholes in the world beat you down, hurt you break you in the process of finding The One.

[lawdddvoldemort]

Just to clarify. I really DO love him so much. I've thought I've been in love with past boyfriends but the "love" I had for them is nothing compared to him. I've been doing research and it sounds like I'm trying to defend him. Also I want to state that I don't stay punked (which basically means staying quiet). I do stick up for myself majority of the time but I just hate to argue. In the past, I used to fight with my boyfriends (sometimes even physically) which I am not proud of, so that's why I decided in this relationship or future relationships I will not revert back to my old ways.

And another reason why leaving him is tough is because we live together. I don't have no where to go, besides like a shelter and that is currently OUT of the question. (No family or friends to live with either).

[bluefox4000]

And one more thing.....he sounds like he needs. you, and not in a good way. People like him look for weaker victims, cause no one Else would give him the time of day. Rise up...leave before it gets really REALLY bad. Men like him are not worth character assassination. And to be blunt...how long before the fists start coming your way...I don't know if you are strong enough for that too. Leave. now.

Mick

[princealbertofb]

There will come a time, I'm afraid, when you'll get very very bored with his superior attitude and decide that you've taken enough flack from him and decide to part. He'll maybe be the sorry one if you leave him. For the moment, he sounds like he's using your extra love for him to feed his ego and own lack of confidence. Generally people who belittle others are the ones who actually lack this confidence. Somehow, having your degree of sensitivity is also your strength (though it might be construed as a weakness). But honestly, either he starts to clean up his act, or you'd be better off without him. I know breaking up with someone is NEVER easy, but you can probably do better. Let him know it, you don't have to do this in a mean way, but just maybe, you need someone who is just more supportive and more compatible. If he's not wise enough to understand that, shame on him. Sorry I can't be more positive. Take care.

[Geminize]

Yeah I should've guessed someone would say to leave him. I just wish you both understood what I had to go through to finally be with him. =(

I don't understand how it matters what you had to go through to be with him, if being with him is as terrible and emotionally unhealthy as you make it sound. I get that you have strong feelings for him and that you have invested a lot in the relationship. It's not easy to leave someone when you have worked so hard and hoped for so much.

I don't think you will find much (if any) support for staying with him in this forum. Not after the way you described your relationship. Take a step back, get some perspective, and do what is right for you.

[princealbertofb]

Yeah I should've guessed someone would say to leave him. I just wish you both understood what I had to go through to finally be with him. =(

Oh, we understand. Don't worry, we know what it's like. But... there is such a thing as trying to reproduce the errors of a lifetime (and you're only 23, so how many of those mistakes have you made?) You do need to take heed of the fact that you have the power to disenfranchise yourself of this connection and you can be an independent man. Well, I may be over simplifying things, if you don't have the leeway to leave him because of housing arrangements etc... but try to find a friend who can help you out, give you some space, or maybe move back in with your parents. You don't actually say whether you both live together, so I'll just assume that your options are open at the moment. I know there's not always as much fish in the sea (especially our gay seas) as we'd like to think, but the special someone doesn't sound like he's HIM. Maybe it's time to go and visit another shoal?