So I met this great guy last night, who was funny good looking and everything I look for in a guy. I was really attracted to him, and it seemd the feeling was mutual. He invited me back to his and I spent the night.
It was my first gay experience and it was 'interesting' to say the least. As much as I was turned on by him. I just couldn't maintain an erection (at first I thought it might be the alcohol, but it was the same thing in the morning). It was a bit embarrassing, for him too, as he probably thought I wasn't into him. maybe not having lube played a part, but it just brought back a lot of memories from 'failed attempts' with girls back when I was closeted and it felt horrible.
Is this common? What if I see him again and it happens again? I know stressing about it probably won't help either.
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are you sure you want your first experience to be with someone you've only just met ?
maybe that's the issue . try dating someone and taking things slowly before you do too much sexual stuff 
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Hello Gay&Out, and  to GaySpeak. I think you are right that the mixture of too much alcohol and probably some stress are responsible for your lack of arousal. You said yourself that you were into this guy so there should normally be a favourable response of the organ in question. However in the morning, you were probably still feeling the stress of the previous attempt (and maybe the alsohol hadn't completely worn off either), so next time, may I suggest no alcohol, and try to relax and get into the mood. Maybe you need to do more foreplay, more kissing and cuddling before you go into the deep end? I'd say that your experience is perfectly natural, start worrying about it if it becomes a generalised effect, in which case maybe you should talk to your GP about this?
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megumidesu Wrote:are you sure you want your first experience to be with someone you've only just met ?
maybe that's the issue . try dating someone and taking things slowly before you do too much sexual stuff
That's the thing, with this guy I thought it was time. Maybe I wasn't ready yet (well clearly something went wrong lol)
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princealbertofb Wrote:Hello Gay&Out, and to GaySpeak. I think you are right that the mixture of too much alcohol and probably some stress are responsible for your lack of arousal. You said yourself that you were into this guy so there should normally be a favourable response of the organ in question. However in the morning, you were probably still feeling the stress of the previous attempt (and maybe the alsohol hadn't completely worn off either), so next time, may I suggest no alcohol, and try to relax and get into the mood. Maybe you need to do more foreplay, more kissing and cuddling before you go into the deep end? I'd say that your experience is perfectly natural, start worrying about it if it becomes a generalised effect, in which case maybe you should talk to your GP about this?
Thanks man. I'll keep that in mind. I jsut think going to a GP for erectile dysfunction at the early age of 20s might be too early. :-P
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Well, Im not going to say whether its a "normal" thing or not, but about half of the guys Ive been with didnt get hard.
I asked one of them one time about this. He told me "Its a bottom thing". He said that a lot of "bottoms" just dont get hard. Its not that they arent attracted or interested in me, its just that this is the way "bottoms" perceive sex for themselves. Why should they get hard if they arent a "top"?
Makes sense in a weird way, but thats my info on this.
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MisterTinkles Wrote:Well, Im not going to say whether its a "normal" thing or not, but about half of the guys Ive been with didnt get hard.
I asked one of them one time about this. He told me "Its a bottom thing". He said that a lot of "bottoms" just dont get hard. Its not that they arent attracted or interested in me, its just that this is the way "bottoms" perceive sex for themselves. Why should they get hard if they arent a "top"?
Makes sense in a weird way, but thats my info on this.
Problem is I was trying to be a top. 
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Stressing about it will definitely not help, but it's not easy to avoid. If he is interested in more than your erection, then hopefully he will be into taking some time with you in bed, letting you relax, seeing what it takes for you to get there.
ED can be caused by all sorts of reasons: alcohol, stress, performance anxiety, emotional issues. Your first gay sexual experience could be a mix of those!
One reason that is often overlooked is porn addiction. Frequently stimulating your brain with sexual images can make getting or keeping an erection with a partner difficult. It seems this is a growing problem for men, including those in their 20's. If that could be a factor for you, check out Your Brain on Porn.
Keep the focus on (safe) fun. If he is willing to help you explore what is going on for you and work though it, you have a good one there. Good luck, man.
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Geminize Wrote:Stressing about it will definitely not help, but it's not easy to avoid. If he is interested in more than your erection, then hopefully he will be into taking some time with you in bed, letting you relax, seeing what it takes for you to get there.
ED can be caused by all sorts of reasons: alcohol, stress, performance anxiety, emotional issues. Your first gay sexual experience could be a mix of those!
One reason that is often overlooked is porn addiction. Frequently stimulating your brain with sexual images can make getting or keeping an erection with a partner difficult. It seems this is a growing problem for men, including those in their 20's. If that could be a factor for you, check out
Keep the focus on (safe) fun. If he is willing to help you explore what is going on for you and work though it, you have a good one there. Good luck, man.
I guess that makes sense. I'll definitely be checking the link you put up. I mean the only thing that kept me going whilst contemplating being gay and coming out was porn. So I wouldn't as far as saying I'm an addict, but I did use it as wanking material for a LONG time.
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GayAndOut Wrote:Problem is I was trying to be a top.
Hmm. Maybe you were both still uncomfortable with each other for some reason.
If you want to see your Dr, I would suggest that. Nobody has to know.
If your Dr says your ok, then I would just continue seeing him for a while, until you know more about each other.
Of course, alcohol can play a role in it sometimes. You might try again without the booze.
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