Is Closeted gay guy or am I going nuts?

[observer]

Ok I have a major crush on this guy. During our conversations I found out that:
He asked me if I liked pop diva’s like lady Gaga and Madonna. He told me that he does.
He also likes the typical circuit house music that is being played in gay clubs.
He has been to gay clubs more than I have in my entire life. He knows more about the gay night life than I do. He tells me things that I had no idea of.
He listens with full attention whenever I tell him about my life as a gay person and the guys I have met. He never gets bored because his eyes really light up whenever I tell him about my experiences. And I am not talking about sex stories, you know.
He has been to gay parties and clubs with his ex-girlfriend and ex-girlfriend’s brother who is gay.
He has been to gay clubs with his best friend and best friend’s sister who had a crush on him.
He sees his ex girlfriend at the weekend to grab some food or see a movie; just for fun. He says that there will not be anything special between them anymore.
He is very defensive when it comes to talking about gay issues. He says things like: I’m not gay, or he feels the need to confirm his sexuality when I don’t think it’s necessary.
He likes hot women or celebrities on his social network page.
When we look pictures online and come across of one with hot woman, he always makes excessive remarks like; man look at that a** or she is hot.
His wardrobe is full of stylish and expensive clothes.
He always smells nice, even when he has to go for a short walk.
He takes a lot of time when it comes to grooming.
He wears very stylish clothes to the gym.
He told me that the only reason he wants to build muscle was because his ex left him for a muscular guy.|
I bluntly told him that I was Even though I told him that I was gay, he didn’t freak out. He immediately made it clear to me that he likes women (he said: I’m straight, I don’t play on both sides).
Am I dealing with a closeted gay guy here? I really want to date him. I would really like a relationship with this guy but he is not sending the right signals. I’m doing my very best not to be pushy. I cook him dinner and he likes my food. I’m 29 and have just accepted the fact that I like men more than women. I really don’t have the time to hang around closeted gay men who are defensive when it comes to talking about gay issues.

[megumidesu]

if he says he's straight , assume he's straight . unless he tells you otherwise .

if he is gay (or bi) , then putting pressure on him to come out will just make him resent you .
i know a lot of straight men who have stereotypically "gay" music tastes , style , etc . and gay men who don't . the only way you can know for sure is if he tells you .

and as he has told you that he's straight , assume that he is straight .

[SolemnBoy]

Well. Not to be a moodbreaker but all of the "He likes random stereotypically gay thing x" arguments are invalid. Him going to gay clubs doesn't really have to mean anything either.

It's possible that he's closeted though, just don't assume that's the case until he tells you

[dfiant]

He says things like: I’m not gay

You must learn that the important thing is what he says is right, and gossiping about his sexuality is wrong.

[Corsac]

I have to agree with Megumi, he's told you he's straight so just leave it at that unless he wants to tell you otherwise.

Based on a lot of the things you've listed I'm sure that several people on these boards can be deemed as straight, using those to stereotype him isn't the right way to look at it and it sounds like you're hoping too much that he is in fact gay.

I really don’t have the time to hang around closeted gay men who are defensive when it comes to talking about gay issues.

I don't have the time for people who can't accept the fact that some have a harder time coming out to the world then others. I can't help but find this sentence really ignorant, it almost sounds like you can't be bothered with your friend because he may not be what you expected in terms of his sexuality.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

You will drive yourself nuts if you fixate on the "is he isn't he?" question.

He's said he isn't and thats that.

If and when he's ready to tell you otherwise then you need to accept what's he's told you or risk alienating him as a friend.

ObW
X

[4r75y]

Before I say anything else I just want to say that I don't know everything cause I'm not there in person, and even though it's nice to think that everything can be communicated over the net in words it can't. I wasn't physically there and I don't know what's going on. I also don't have the option of being able to hear HIS side of it, so there's no real way to tell.

But from what you've posted here and just hearing YOUR side of it I'll let you know what is SOUNDS like to me. Because of all the variables I could be WAY off and I'm sorry if I am.
But from the sounds of it I have been here before, like you.

Fist off , No you're NOT nuts he IS a gay guy in the closet. He seems to be unable to admit to himself that he is what he is. It can be that you are too hopeful, but to me it sounds like he's possibly teasing you. I don't know, it could be that you're just a bit too head over heels for this guy. *shrug!* but since I'm not there there's no way to tell.

Second, trying to get him to admit otherwise WILL cause him to lash out at you, etc. Who knows what he might do, I say it's DANGEROUS Territory just STAY AWAY.
And more the n likely, from what you've posted it sounds like me might be setting you up to take a fall.
Maybe he's trying (Subconsciously) to come to terms with his sexuality, maybe he's trying to line you up so that when he finally decides to "come outta the closet" he'll have YOU to "open up too." to me it sounds like he might try to get you in bed, literally DENY what he's doing while he's doing it, and then afterwards either point the finger of blame at YOU, and cause you to lose your job (and life pretty much overall, esp. if you live in a SMALL town like me. ) Or he'll say that nothing ever happened, or say that he want's something as a "friends with Benefits" kind of S**T. >X-P (And DON'T go for the last option UNLESS YOU WANT THAT TOO. If you want a RELATIONSHIP then FIND SOMEONE ELSE WHO WANTS ONE. Sticking around only will cause you to be USED and then DUMPED and in a HEAP in the end. NOT worth it. Sadly people USE others and they do NOT fall in love, so don't hold you're breath if you're hoping or wanting to go down this road.)



Third, he is DANGEROUS with a capital D. This guy is clearly a predator, or totally IGNORANT to his own sexuality.
Whatever the case may be he's someone you MUST
STAY
AWAY
FROM.
Even if he comes out of the closet, he wold NOT with you. And if he does "Discover suddenly that he's GAY!" then the second he spends one night with you he'll suddenly SLAM he doors shut and pointing the finger of blame at you in one way or another.
BELIEVE ME, I've BEEN THERE, DON'T get near this guy.
Heck if you can I'd say CHANGE JOBS.
but either way, DON'T give him the time of day anymore and stop running after heart-breakers.
go after guys who actually WANT you.
Life is too short to spend ruining your soul over someone who doesn't want you. Go out and find someone who does, and even if they aren't perfect you'll be FAR happier and better off then if you ran after dream guys.
sorry, but this guy sounds like that at BEST. A dream that is NOT real, and in his "own words", stated through you, he is NOT gay.
So yeah, sorry over all, but don't worry, there's plenty of more gay guys out there. And they would probably be WAY better looking and smelling then him. thumbgrin:

[HomeagainNYC]

I agree with what everyone one else has said. It's important to remember acceptance is a two way street.

He accepts you for being who you say you are; you need to accept him for who he says he is.

[megumidesu]

i think he's straight

[Bowyn Aerrow]

If it says it is straight, it is straight.

Drop it, walk on... You do not need to be the one to draw him out of a closet if he is in one. He will figure it out on his own and will, eventually come out on his own.