Online Relationships

[Corsac]

I've created this thread to basically get people's opinions on "online relationships", by that I mean those who forge a relationship with someone purely based over the internet and not someone you've met after a few days/weeks of talking over grindr or a similar app.

Basically, I really can't grasp the concept of having a relationship like this myself. For me I need to be with a person in the flesh to be able to know if I really feel anything for a person, I've spoken to friends from around the world (even those I would date if we lived close) over Skype with a webcam but still I can't connect in that way because of the wall which is the lack of them being physically close.

I don't understand how feelings for people under this circumstance can happen, sure you can talk over the internet and over webcam but you see very little of the person physically so can't be sure of their body language in my opinion. Are we as people becoming so introverted that we look to technology to take charge of our emotions? Is it easier to become attached with someone online? If so then why?

I've also seen many people I know (online and offline) who have been fooled into thinking someone is into them and gifted them stuff or financially aided them with the end result them being left with less cash in their pocket and their "partner" nowhere to be seen after getting what they needed, essentially falling for a conman online.

I'm sorry if some people see this as being written in a bias way but I am genuinely confused as to how an online relationship would work out (and I'm not the greatest at wording my thoughts). I know there's stories of how people eventually waited it out over years before finally being with their online lover but for most it never happens and I can't help but feel that people often miss out on the opportunity of getting to know someone in the flesh rather then across the internet.

Thanks for reading and I appreciate any replies.

[bluefox4000]

I could never work one. Period. So cold. I can't properly connect. It's missing the face to face humanity. Sure you can send pics....but, Ain't the same. I can't touch the person. Read they're face. Nothing. so it would be a no go for me.

Mick

[MisterTinkles]

Ive never had an online "dating" relationship. Although I would think thats preferable to no dating at all.

But I am with you on this. But I do understand why this occurs.

Its like immoral sales people and corrupt companies lie and tell you anything to get you to buy their junk.

Same thing here. These worthless people are looking for online "romances" to get free stuff, nothing more. There are SO many desperately lonely people out there who are willing to do ANYTHING to attract someone, even if its just online.

Online is much safer for these con artists, liars, cheats, and frauds to work from....as they dont have to do anything but pretend to be the person you are looking for.

These jerks go out specifically looking to target those people they deem "too ugly", "too fat", "too....whatever"....because they know these lonely desperate people will do anything in order to believe they have a chance at having a real realationship.

These con artists string them along, making excuses and reasons as to why they cant meet or visit....so they constantly keep it an online thing.

The way you tell if you are being played, is after the 3rd internet "date", they wont meet you for whatever reason.

Long distance relationships are usually different, unless the other person is asking for gifts, money, or whatever. Somebody who actually cares about you wont use you like that.


Just like real life dating, you have to be VERY careful you arent ending up with a player, hustler, cheat, liar, thief, con artist.



Personally, Ive never had any luck...since I specifically am looking for friends online, and everybody else is looking for sex, a sugar daddy, or to hustle you into something.

[elad12]

Well I just recently met someone online but I don't consider our communication as "dating". I live in a very rural area. I pretty much have to look outside this area to find someone to connect with. My experience which is fresh as it is just happening now has been, I feel a positive one. We have gone from emailing to talking on the phone. We've learned a lot about each other. I believe he is genuine and will know more when I actually go and meet him in a couple days. Meeting him and going to dinner I consider a date but not the previous emailing and phone calls. I could not see having a long term relationship just over the internet.

[trywait]

a long term relationship purely online wouldnt work. u would still need that human face to face interaction

[Pix]

I could see having a crush on someone online, but I'd have to meet a person, just to test the chemistry if nothing else.

And I know I'm unusual (at least in urban areas) but I detest a lot of texting for anything other than brief messages (like "will be late, traffic" or "please get milk [while you're at the store anyway]" or "I'm ok, just lost track of time, will be home soon"). For more intimate exchanges there's no face to face and it seems like putting a barrier up between people and makes it easier to lie that way (you could technically text a lover how much you miss him/her and never imagine being with someone else even as you sit beside--possibly even hugging--another lover). And there's no way I'd put up with having to constantly exchange texts, that feels too much like having an umbilical cord stuck to me. (Where I get downright mad is when they expect you to text them while you're driving, my BFF had to put up with that, like once when we left recycling together she got a text from her then boyfriend asking why she was there because he was able to track her, and in addition to asking a really stupid, pointless question that could easily wait he got angry when she didn't reply right away despite that he KNEW she was driving, which struck me as he was hoping to get her killed, and I wanted to take her phone to tell him off via texting but she wouldn't let me.) So with that said I obviously need physical contact where I can see the face, hear the voice, etc, for me to be "in love" (as opposed to simply "love" which I CAN do with purely online relationships, like loving a good friend).

What really mystifies me is where people can actually GET ENGAGED without ever having met. First, there are questions of chemistry (no matter how compatible you may be if there's no chemistry then it won't work as anything other than good friends). Then there's learning what about the other person peeves you about someone and vice versa (does he/she/you snore, pick their teeth, bite their nails, have a wheezy laugh, belch in someone's face, wear obnoxious clothes, etc) to decide if they're worth it (and they usually are, but still, it needs to be known), as well as daily habits that must be considered (for example, are you or the other person a slob, recreational drug user, or spendthrift?). And then there's also the pets if one or both have them (and can the pets of both get along? what if one turns out to be allergic to the pets of the other?), plus family & friends. While it's conceivable to me that people think they're perfect online and decide to move in together IRL, or even go on a romantic getaway together which might lead to an immediate engagement (inadvisable as such a sudden engagement seems to me), it's just too baffling for me to understand how people can get engaged without ever having met, and that includes mail order brides, btw (unless that's a pure business relation like "sex & house cleaning for citizenship and hell a lot nicer accommodations than you'll ever know in your own country," but then that's not love, that's biz).

[SolemnBoy]

I'm generally 100% against online relationships. Even if you use microphones and webcams to communicate it's just too easy to hide who you actually are as a person.

Also, even if I had a loving online relationship I'd still feel lonely since there's no real-life interaction...
If I talked to someone online and I started liking him I could consider meeting him in real life, during safe circumstances at first. If everything worked out really well we might even get a relationship going. But I'd never do it without the actual meeting.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I tried that recently, it didn't end well.

http://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=24174 and http://gayspeak.com/showthread.php?t=24204 give the partial story and how it ended. The full story is rather long, but about 7 months ago we met and struck up a friendship, and over the course of 6 months I thought we were heading toward something far better than what happened.

I thought I was careful, took it slow 6 months of serious chatting, pming, emailing. We talked about a lot of things, some of it petty, and some of it very serious. I Came to find out that pretty much everything the person I was talking to was a lie. We are not talking a fudge of 20 pounds, or the playing down a past history of drug use - everything from their home situation to their age was a bald face lie.

Everything was a lie, and I was foolish enough to think that people would be a bit more honest than that. Sure we all have our hidden aspects and fudge here and there about ourselves. But I never thought that a person would lie about everything.

Not for 6 months, especially when I told things about myself that I just don't talk about to anyone - not even therapists. Somewhere along the line that individual should have figured out that it was too real, too serious to continue lying. I suppose sociopaths do not have empathy.

I personally do not buy into the whole physical 'chemistry' thing. I know that people have their foibles and I am pretty reasonable about expectations, lets just say I have lowered expectations.

I also know that physical attraction loses steam in about 3 months in. I figured 6 months of seriously talking about things like gardening, raising critters, our health issues, spirituality and all of this other stuff would reveal the heart and mind of the individuals involved enough and that is what one has to love and like. Bodies fail, youth fades, muscles and skin sags, libidos lag...

In my case, there is no cash, no wealth no gold mine to steal from. The person who I was building a friendship then a relationship with pretty much knew the score as I have other threads that I have made that pretty much detail my fall. So I though I was immune to the con-game because there is nothing to attain.

I learned that there are sick people in the world who are sociopaths that enjoy expending 6 months or more dedicated to screwing with a person's head for shits and giggles.

Maybe I was lucky and had that one off occurrence with a very sick individual, however I suspect that there are lot more sick individuals out there in the world who just enjoy screwing with people for no other reason than to screw with them.

Next time... well there won't be a next time.

[Nick9]

about the practical things Pix mentioned. They are not real issue. You don't know a lot of things about "real" people before wedding. People change. Your taste changes. Marriage is about compromise and balance. Yes, about love too

But all those things - pets, allergies, snoring, using drugs - that everything can happen a year after the wedding too. That has nothing to do with the fact that you started online.

[Eromir]

Once I was in an online relationship for two months. Was kind of fun and even the "cyber-sex" was better than some of the real-life experiences I have had. After a month or so I recognized that if me met face to face we could hope for a short term-relationship at best. Nothing serious in the end.

One of the most important factors for me is cuddling and I couldn't live without that for long. Having to spend a few weeks apart from my boyfriend is hard, even though we communicate daily when this happens. Physical contact is absolutely necessary for me, otherwise it can't be much more than friendship.

Different people have different needs. I can imagine that some people don't require physical contact and are quite happy if they have someone to talk to.