life or death situation, pretty fu*ked up

[strangerrr]

hi all. this is my first thread here. i came here as an immigrant with humanitarian reasons, just like a refugee. i came out because i was forced to get married. and i was studying at that time. my father renounced me and threatened me. a typical middle eastern man. so i had to escape. after 2 years i started talking to my family. . now i talk to them once in while, but never told them where i live. still concerned they might find me somehow. especially we have relatives in canada.
the thing is, an organization paid all my tuition. in return i had to finish school and get a degree. i was doing pretty well, until i came out. my brother told me that the organization is after them to get their money, almost 30 grands. i don't care that much about my father, he made me go through a really bad situation. i was abused and depressed for the whole time. i tried to end my life a couple of times. now, when i just started putting my life back on track, i heard that my family is destroyed because of me.
should i go back, and i know what would happen to me? should i tell them i escaped because my father threatened me for being gay? and being gay is already considered a crime over there. or should i let my family sink, and i still love them?
i don't think i will take this, i am considering ending my life.

[SolemnBoy]

Wait, why is the organisation after their money? I didn't understand that part.

However, you shouldn't end your life! That wouldn't solve anything and you'd miss so many great opportunities! But let's say you return to your family - how exactly will that change the situation?

I'm sorry you have to go through all this

[Maverick]

Just take a deep breath, don't do anything rash, there is always, always a solution better then suicide. I'm sure something can be worked out, contact the org. and see what they have to say. If you did get your degree, then sounds like you did your part. Usually in a situation like that, you'd have to work for the company for "x" number of years to fulfill the tuition commitment... is that what the deal is? Anyway, whatever it is, there is a way to work it out.

[strangerrr]

hi again. i am from Iraq and i signed a contract-like thing at the organization, in iraq. while school was in Turkey. in August 2007, i started learning Turkish for a whole year. and i did a good job. in September 2008, i started fall semester that ended in February 2009. i did a very good job. then it all happened in fall 2009 semester, where i had to leave everything behind. only god knows what i did to survive. i was in constant pain and depression until 2012, when i got here.
the contract indicated that i should get a degree and come back to Iraq to work for the organization for a year, at least. as i said, i was too terrified to continue school, since my father would get so easily there. iin iraq homosexuality is considered a disease, and unfortunately, it is cured by death.

[strangerrr]

Wait, why is the organisation after their money? I didn't understand that part.

However, you shouldn't end your life! That wouldn't solve anything and you'd miss so many great opportunities! But let's say you return to your family - how exactly will that change the situation?

I'm sorry you have to go through all this

hey there, yes the organization wants the money back. the contract tuition was for 5 years minimum, i technically spent only 1.5 year as a student. and since late 2009, i became a refugee in turkey until 2012. i suffered through A LOT. i got used and abused.
honestly, i don't know what to do. my suffering made them struggle. within these three years i lost people whom i loved so much, without saying good bye to them. it sucks being gay in the middle east.

[strangerrr]

Just take a deep breath, don't do anything rash, there is always, always a solution better then suicide. I'm sure something can be worked out, contact the org. and see what they have to say. If you did get your degree, then sounds like you did your part. Usually in a situation like that, you'd have to work for the company for "x" number of years to fulfill the tuition commitment... is that what the deal is? Anyway, whatever it is, there is a way to work it out.

hey there. exactly as you said. i should've got the degree in Turkey and gone back to Iraq to work for them at least for a year. but i couldn't get my degree. although the organization is based on a secular foundation, it is still Iraq.
i already made my family miserable, they are now sinking because of me. and i feel so hopeless. none of us deserve this.

[BobInTampa]

STOP! Go immediatly to http://www.thetrevorproject.org and call them! It's a suicide prevention hotline for LGBT youth and they have TONS of resources and i'm SURE they can help you too.

If you are in the USA - it's hard to tell from your posts - yet your profile says Alabama - you can reach out them and if they can't help you they CAN refer you to other organizations here in the States. ANd there are MANY orgainzations who know what's going on in the middle east and how they treat gay citizens - especially Iraq.

you're NOT alone. there ARE resources. There ARE folks who can and want to help.

As far as your family goes, if it were me, i'd be looking at MYSELF first and foremost. You can't change how your parents feel or your religion - you have to go into survival mode. You have to get to a place (with help) where you first, and foremost, feel SAFE. Then you can work on coming to love and accept yourself - that will help you take the next steps in your life.

RIght now. Reach out and get some help from people and orgainzations that CAN and WILL help!

[Kat]

It sound like you are talking about a student loan and those place should take payments or just ruin your credit if you can't pay them. If it's a private company then you can file bankruptcy and it will be okay on your credit in 7 years but if it's the government then you probably can't do bankruptcy. Either way I'd talk to a lawyer and see if you can get help with that school bill to either make them take payments you can afford or file bankruptcy on it.

[HomeagainNYC]

hey there, yes the organization wants the money back. the contract tuition was for 5 years minimum, i technically spent only 1.5 year as a student. and since late 2009, i became a refugee in turkey until 2012. i suffered through A LOT. i got used and abused.
honestly, i don't know what to do. my suffering made them struggle. within these three years i lost people whom i loved so much, without saying good bye to them. it sucks being gay in the middle east.

I am sorry that you are going through this situation. You need to put out of your mind the idea of ending your own life and instead focus on how you may rectify this situation and still remain safe. If you were smart enough to escape and gain refuge in the US - then you can work this out too.

Your post is a little hard to follow, so if you don't mind I would like to ask a few questions to hopefully give you some things to sort through.

First you are here in the US as an immigrant with refugee status correct? If so, you should have a case worker/ department, who is managing your case. You have access to some sort of funds, government benefits or you have some sort of work visa.

Perhaps you should take this situation (the repayment of tuition) to the person/department managing your case as a beginning. They may be able to negotiate with the organization that you owe the money to, keeping your place of residence secret from the organization and your family.

If this is not viable there are many advocacy groups ( free lawyers) who may be able to help you with the origination that you owe the money to and keep your location secret as well.

You post that you signed a "contract -like thing" did you keep a copy for yourself? If so make sure to take this with you when you are seeking help from the government agency that is overseeing your current status - or the advocacy group. If you did not keep a copy then you can give them the power to get a copy for you. This will help both you and the people assisting you understand what you agreed to.

You post you signed the contract in Iraq, then spent one year learning Turkish.

Aug. 2007 to Aug. 2008 learned Turkish - Did they pay for you to do that or give you living expenses?

Sept. 2008 to Feb 2009 - It would appear that they paid your tuition and possibly living expenses during that time????

From Feb/March 2009 to fall 2009 - where they paying your living expense as it does not seem from your post you were in school during that time? Are these three events what the 1.5 years of being a student made up of????

In Fall 2009 you had to flee - but don't say where you went - so I am sure you were not receiving and funds from them after you left.

Since Fall 2009 you have been on your own and have made your way to where your currently reside.

Until you actually know what you agreed to they can demand anything, harass your family, make threats; even if you were only a student for 1.5 years. It's what is on the paper work you signed that counts.

Once you find out the facts, you can then decide how you want to precede - I am very aware that different countries laws regarding debt it's repayment and or forgiveness are very different, so again, you would need the guidance from a representative here.

Right now you seem to be in the dark and really don't know your options/solutions. Once you do, you can inform your brother (if he is your contact) and proceed with your plans - he can inform your family.

You post "your family is destroyed because of you" I'm so sorry to here this, but you must take some kind of action to improve things and soon. I urge you to reach out to your case manager/ department or find an advocacy group that will help you to solve the problem or at least help you with some options and stay safe at the same time.

Please keep the faith - I'm sure you will find help if you reach out, there are many people/organization willing to work with people like you to help resolve difficult issues. You might try http://faculty.washington.edu/alvin/gayorg.htm there are a lot of resources here.

[strangerrr]

STOP!

thank you so much sir. i am in the states. i can't stop thinking of what happened. i thought all will be alright, after 2 years of a living hell as a refugee. even here, i wish i were str8.