Any advice would be great

[AuroraSound]

Alright, this won't be too long but I have a little bit of time to cover so please bear with me.

I, like many people i'm sure, was confused about my sexuality for a long time. I actually came out as gay in 2011. I came to this conclusion because I am sexually attracted to men and, what I think, emotionally attracted to women(I've never been with a guy, so I wouldn't know). I told my brother via text, who incidentally is gay, and for some reason I can't remember and my parents took my phone and read through my messages to him. It was an extremely emotionally distraught time period. My mother sobbed, saying that I'll "go to hell if I live this lifestyle" and "I trusted you" and my Dad just looked at me with fury and disgust. After a very emotionally challenging week, I decided to give women another shot and that was the end of that.

I started dating my current girlfriend last year, and she is great. We have a lot in common, our personalities are the same, and we've been friends for a few years. She is in the service, and lived over in Asia for a year and just recently got transferred to my side of the states again. She doesn't know about this, because it's something I still have to keep at bay. Should I tell her about this? I don't want to scare her off, because we're having a fun time so far. She is really in love with me, and I love her too but probably not to the same level she does.

Also, i'm a freshman in college. I'm out of state, so my parents are struggling to pay for my tuition and living expenses. I'm also worried if I break up with her and say "hey, i'm gay again." they'll stop the support and i'll be all alone here and totally screwed. I could really use some advice. Thanks for listening.

[Geminize]

She doesn't know about this, because it's something I still have to keep at bay. Should I tell her about this? I don't want to scare her off, because we're having a fun time so far. She is really in love with me, and I love her too but probably not to the same level she does.

Also, i'm a freshman in college. I'm out of state, so my parents are struggling to pay for my tuition and living expenses. I'm also worried if I break up with her and say "hey, i'm gay again." they'll stop the support and i'll be all alone here and totally screwed. I could really use some advice. Thanks for listening.

Welcome to GS!

It's great that your parents are supporting you with out of state tuition: that's not easy. It sucks that you don't have their support to be yourself. Only you can weigh your need for their financial support against your need to express/explore yourself fully. Plenty of students have paid their own way through college, but that's not easy either.

Should you tell your girlfriend? Do you trust her? I value honesty and openness in my relationships. I have told girlfriends that I'm attracted to guys and boyfriends that I'm attracted to girls. In both cases the honesty has deepened those relationships. I can't guarantee that will be your experience, of course. Having a "fun time" together is great, but for a relationship to last it needs to be able to weather the hard stuff, too.

Good luck, Logan, and I hope you find what you're looking for here.

[quixote87]

I've ALWAYS been sexually attracted to men and find really good emotional bonds with women, to the point some think that I want to date them. It was very hard for me to find such a bond with a guy, even though I had no issues sexually. I, personally, think that causes some confusion with gay men. If I can emotionally bond with a woman why am I having sexual feelings for men?

I also agree with geminize having fun is all good but there needs to be a lot more going on in a relationship then that. Also, and I only say this because I'm a pretentious psychology lover, you said "She is really in love with me, and I love her too but probably not to the same level she does." that right there is a huge sign. If you can't live and love for her the same way she does you for you then something has to be done, for both of you. You will only regret staying in the relationship and she will get hurt worse the longer it goes on. I would at least tell her and try to keep the friendship since it does obviously mean something to you.

That's my two cents

[pellaz]

Sounds like you know the options. You might want to wait till your self supporting.

[Rainbowmum]

Hello and welcome.

There is no rush nor reason to come out right this minute .
There is plenty of time after you are able to stand on your own two feet and can support your self ,then you are in a safe position to tell them.

As for your Girl friend If you are planning on staying friends with her and trust her explicitly then by all means tell her.

[MisterTinkles]

I have met a few guys who found thier "soulmates" with female best friends. Some even married them.
But they always had an understanding that finding a male mate was the prime directive.

These guys who married their female better halves, married for friendship, companionship, and for tax reasons. One guy got married to his female BFF so they could get a good deal on a house. They got a big house with two bedrooms on opposite sides of the house....so she could have her life and he could have his.

Just because you have more emotional attachment to women, does not mean you are straight.

Of course, you havent met that many men I gather, so you probably havent found a man you are sympatico with. That could change.

But you are deluding yourself if you think you will ever be "straight". You might have a nice life with your best galpal, but I would sit her down and tell her everything. Let her make up her own mind about what to do.

She might be hurt at first, but if she is understanding and open minded, she will come to a conclusion that benefits you both. If not, then its better to get it over with now instead of waiting until its "too late", and then much worse can happen, other than just hurt feelings.

A lot of people misunderstand the term "soulmate". It is not necessarily someone you are meant to marry...but someone who understands you, your mind, your thoughts, and your feelings.

I have a female soulmate. She is married and has kids. But we are SO like minded, from the instance we met, we knew we were alike. Literally from the first day we met and started talking, we could finish each others thoughts, each others sentences, we knew what we both were thinking at any given time. Even now, I know when something major has happened in her life, even though I wont know what it is until I email her about it.

If you have strong feelings for this girl, then you definately need to have a nice long talk with her.
Otherwise you run the risk of some very bad situations down the line, if you wait too long.


As for your parents, well.....my opiinon is that they arent very good parents if they have such severe stipulations about loving you. Good parents love thier kids without stipulations. They arent paying for your schooling, they are paying you to become what they want you to become. To me, this is cult mentality. Something I find highly offensive.

But thats my opinion.


Good luck.

[AuroraSound]

I have met a few guys who found thier "soulmates" with female best friends. Some even married them.
But they always had an understanding that finding a male mate was the prime directive.

These guys who married their female better halves, married for friendship, companionship, and for tax reasons. One guy got married to his female BFF so they could get a good deal on a house. They got a big house with two bedrooms on opposite sides of the house....so she could have her life and he could have his.

Just because you have more emotional attachment to women, does not mean you are straight.

Of course, you havent met that many men I gather, so you probably havent found a man you are sympatico with. That could change.

But you are deluding yourself if you think you will ever be "straight". You might have a nice life with your best galpal, but I would sit her down and tell her everything. Let her make up her own mind about what to do.

She might be hurt at first, but if she is understanding and open minded, she will come to a conclusion that benefits you both. If not, then its better to get it over with now instead of waiting until its "too late", and then much worse can happen, other than just hurt feelings.

A lot of people misunderstand the term "soulmate". It is not necessarily someone you are meant to marry...but someone who understands you, your mind, your thoughts, and your feelings.

I have a female soulmate. She is married and has kids. But we are SO like minded, from the instance we met, we knew we were alike. Literally from the first day we met and started talking, we could finish each others thoughts, each others sentences, we knew what we both were thinking at any given time. Even now, I know when something major has happened in her life, even though I wont know what it is until I email her about it.

If you have strong feelings for this girl, then you definately need to have a nice long talk with her.
Otherwise you run the risk of some very bad situations down the line, if you wait too long.


As for your parents, well.....my opiinon is that they arent very good parents if they have such severe stipulations about loving you. Good parents love thier kids without stipulations. They arent paying for your schooling, they are paying you to become what they want you to become. To me, this is cult mentality. Something I find highly offensive.

But thats my opinion.


Good luck.

Thank you for the advice, it really makes sense. She is pretty open minded, so I'll talk to her once she gets settled in Georgia.

I don't know what they would do, they are pretty un-predictable. I just know that it wouldn't end well, much like last time.