domestic abuse (gay)

[Corsac]

I agree, it's never ok. There are many "other" rational/civilized ways to resolve conflict. People need to learn restraint and control their anger, which seems to be getting tougher and tougher these days... very sad.

I agree that there's other ways of resolving matters like actually sitting down and talking about things calmly but there's a big number of people who have to be "the right one" in the relationship and will do what it takes to be that person, even if it means belittling their partner emotionally/physically.

When things weren't going to well my ex wouldn't even sit there and talk things through with me and then claimed I thought I was better him because I didn't want the conflict. Never once did actual violence or any abuse happen though fortunately.

[Counselor]

I'd do it if he was cheating on me with a toddler. And I wouldn't lose.

[LateBloomer]

A while ago, I asked my current BF what he expected from our relationship and one thing he mentioned was "unconditional love".

I said, "Sorry, but there are going to be conditions".

First condition: No violence.
Second condition: No cheating.

And if either of those two rules are broken I'll leave this relationship so fast you're head will spin.

[megumidesu]

A while ago, I asked my current BF what he expected from our relationship and one thing he mentioned was "unconditional love".

I said, "Sorry, but there are going to be conditions".

agreed .
the only people in your life who are allowed to expect unconditional love are your children ~

[pellaz]

unconditional love ... your self
just thinking that is a better than average place to start. it is not a big effort to avoid physical / emotional abuse, just ask yourself how you would tolerate someone doing it to you.

Are you the couple arguing a lot?, just walk out of the room and let it time out.

[MisterTinkles]

For me, personally, I tend to have a "big mouth" and I can shoot it off at any given time. I try to watch what I say to people, but sometimes I say things that really hurt.....not my intention, but there it is. In this case, I would accept a whack on the arm or ass.

For everything else, I DONT THINK SO.

Somebody who purposely abuses you, physically or mentally, is telling you how much they hate and despise you.....NOT how much they love and respect you.

I would never let anyone get away with this. His ass would be slung out the front door, along with all of his belongings. Or I would move out while he was at work, never to be heard from again.

There is NO apology for this! I dont care if he's mad, drunk, on drugs, or just "having a bad day".........you take your anger someplace else and deal with it, you DONT take it home! And you DONT take it out on your partner!!

Why would you stay with someone who despises and hates you so much, torments you, and then LIES about it all?

With all due respect to those out there that have been in this kind of situation....
You let it happen, because you stay. You allow yourself to be abused, misused, and even killed.

Getting abused once, you've been forced into being the victim.
Getting abused more than once, YOU have made yourself a willing "victim".

There is a whole lot of psychology behind this, but I cant go into it here............Id end up writing a book.


To those who find themselves in something like this....

1. LEAVE! There's got to be a friend, family member, coworker, local GLBT organization who can help you out. You are better off alone, than living with a pile of abusive human garbage.

2. LEARN! Learn from your experiences, dont repeat them. You will only be doing to yourself what these abusive dirtbags want to do to you.

3. DONT "fall in love" quickly. Take TIME to get to know someone before you make any real committments. A lot of these dirtbags have their little "scenarios" they like to play out to get you "hooked" on them. But the thing is....the longer you hold out, they harder it is for them to keep up the lies, they will eventually crack and show you who they really are. Then you can just leave them in the dust.

4. BACKUP! Do you have some strong friends and family? Let them be your back up. Your revenge. These dirtbags do what they do, because they create false fears around themselves, so everybody thinks they are some kind of hard assed "bad boy", when all they are, are pussies. Because when it comes right down to it.....they will run and cower in fear when cornered.

5. BE STRONG! Never accept any excuse for this behavior. NEVER! Dont let their lies be made into your truths. This is NOT the type of person you need in your life.



When all else fails............let Wonder Woman be your guide...

Full of love, compassion, and grace.
But she doesnt take shit from no man (or woman).

[megumidesu]

With all due respect to those out there that have been in this kind of situation....
You let it happen, because you stay. You allow yourself to be abused, misused, and even killed.

Getting abused once, you've been forced into being the victim.
Getting abused more than once, YOU have made yourself a willing "victim".

that sounds a lot like victim blaming

which is very , very wrong .

[Geminize]

I agree with most of the posts here. Physical or emotional violence is never acceptable in a relationship. If someone loses control once, I would hope they would use that as motivation to do some deep soul-searching, apologize in the most humble manner they can, and commit to never letting it happen again. I wouldn't remain in a relationship with anyone unwilling to do that.

Anger is part of the human experience. If you ignore it, suppress it, deny it, you are asking for trouble. Better to find healthy ways to feel your anger, own it, express it, and release it when it arises. It's a challenge to do that in a relationship, but worth every bit of effort. Part of the complication is that any two people will have different histories, triggers, fears and hang-ups related to anger. Building the trust to deal with it together in a healthy way takes intention.

[Gyrix]

I never considered violence as a way to cope with a loved one. It just never seemed like the thing to do. If my partner ever hit me, I'd be out that door. Feeling comfortable to hit someone you love is a dangerous mindset to be in. I wouldn't hang around haha

Only place harming someone is acceptable is if they find it kinky or some shiz. But, each to their own.

[Counselor]

that sounds a lot like victim blaming

which is very , very wrong .

The flipside: harsh truth, but potentially eye-opening.