Confidence problems

[VileKyle]

So I've recently come out, at least to close friends. That much is accomplished and I feel so much better about myself because of it. My problem is that I have terrible anxiety issues and I can't talk to people I don't know. This was as much of a problem for me talking to women before as it is now trying to talk to men. How do I get past these mental blocks and at least get other people to notice me? I crave a relationship with someone and being alone is slowly crushing me.

[Pix]

You could volunteer, take classes, or otherwise join an activity that interests you. Then you can get to know people (who probably have at least one thing in common with you) enough to be able to talk to them (and they to you).

[Counselor]

I don't recommend diving into a relationship shortly after coming out. Secure your own first, learn to be okay with who you are, be certain that what you represent of yourself is true. Few things are as attractive as someone who is aware of who they are, but doesn't care what others think of them.

[VileKyle]

I'm definitely ok with who I am now. In fact, I'm happier now than I ever have been. I just really hate being single. And I do plenty to get out around people. I'm spending most of my time at my college with a couple group activities there. For some reason though, anyone I know who is ever interested in me always seems to want me to make the first move. And I am such an airhead that I never notice until its too late. And when I'm interested in people, I do the same thing they do and never make a move. It's frustrating.

[bakalove]

I'm definitely ok with who I am now. In fact, I'm happier now than I ever have been. I just really hate being single. And I do plenty to get out around people. I'm spending most of my time at my college with a couple group activities there. For some reason though, anyone I know who is ever interested in me always seems to want me to make the first move. And I am such an airhead that I never notice until its too late. And when I'm interested in people, I do the same thing they do and never make a move. It's frustrating.

Listen to counselor even if you are comfortable with your self. make sure you dont jump into a relationship. It can have the exact opposite effect of what you want. Dont cloud ur judgement because u want to get into a relationship.

[Counselor]

I'm definitely ok with who I am now. In fact, I'm happier now than I ever have been. I just really hate being single. And I do plenty to get out around people. I'm spending most of my time at my college with a couple group activities there. For some reason though, anyone I know who is ever interested in me always seems to want me to make the first move. And I am such an airhead that I never notice until its too late. And when I'm interested in people, I do the same thing they do and never make a move. It's frustrating.

It's less frustrating when you are secure enough in yourself to be direct.

[VileKyle]

That has to do with my anxiety disorder. Nothing I can help.

[Counselor]

That has to do with my anxiety disorder. Nothing I can help.

Let me put it this way: what you think DOES matter, what you feel DOES have value. Just because someone doesn't think the same way doesn't mean you don't matter, and feeling differently doesn't make your feelings less real. You probably think you'll be shut down, invalidating what you feel, but finding someone that feels the same way doesn't make you real. Preparing for failure is different from expecting it. (I'm not trying to say "go out and make mistakes", but rather, "look at this perspective first".)

I've heard it said that "pain does not exist beyond the person experiencing it", which is something that took me some time to understand, but it is true. No one feels your fear, sadness, or insecurity, for that matter. They are incapable, it's part of the Human Condition.

Frustration and lack of communication are not uncommon bedfellows, by the way. You might practice bring forthright

[VileKyle]

Thanks. I do need practice at that for sure. I know it's all just in my head, but that doesn't stop it all from getting in the way. I really need to figure out how to just jump out there and stop worrying about that. Easier said than done though.

[codyj1ma]

I agree with Counselor. Being in the closet makes us paranoid and self conscious. When I finally came out a little over a year ago I thought I was ready to get right into a relationship and it turned out I wasn't. My expectations for dating were from my experiences from sneaking around and that's not a great way to go about it because I want someone serious. All the guys I talked to turned out to be flakes and because I was scared to say what I meant I got used or played. The guy I'm talking to now I did meet on a sight but it wasn't until I changed my profile and got comfortable with myself a lot more than I used to be and even now I struggle with anxiety and thinking what if he doesn't like me or I say the wrong thing before I text him I come to the conclusion that he's like everyone else and I'm just gonna get played..and even though things are moving slower than what I'm used to when I finally contact him and just say what I mean etc he has proved me wrong every time. This is showing me that I still don't think I'm quite ready to be in a super serious relationship even though the thought of one is great..I'm glad the guy I'm talking to wants to take it slow because it brought me back to earth and he's showing me that I can actually trust him even without realizing it. I would say once you can be yourself even with your anxiety you will find that being social really isn't that bad and that being yourself is the best thing you can do for form quality relationships in your life.