How are you today?

[InbetweenDreams]

aw .. axle :hugs:

Thanks...

I don't know what it is here lately as I have been pretty good not to get depressed and well suicidal.... Although I suppose there's a few people in this world who probably do hate me enough to wish something bad would happen to me.

I have been pretty good up until a few weeks ago. A few years ago I had got into my car with the intent of driving it off (literally) the side of the mountain... I guess you could say I chickened out or just couldn't bring myself to do it. At the time I was self employed and had a moment thinking that I was basically a failure at life thinking I can run a "business" and add in everything else.

Then you get random messages from jerks like this... I might have posted this before too I can't remember..



I don't even know why I still posess the screenshot, turned out it was my "friend's" boyfriend at the time. His response was, "What do you want me to do about it? I don't keep him on a leash."

I really hope things get better. I get it. I don't expect to pick up a 10 to go on a date with, but I have had nothing but catfish-like guys... I assume these were real people. These guys will talk to you for weeks to get you into them and then they disappear... totally cruel.

[knickerbuck]

yeah we have a term like that for guys here in the Philippines .. a Tagalog word "paasa" a compound word which is derived from the root word "asa" which means "hope." this means .. someone who keeps hopes high but you know deep inside that he will never respond or in the end will just extinguish that hope .. guys like that suck ..

[InbetweenDreams]

@kickerbuck Yeah this area is full of them. One town more than others. I guess it makes them feel better about themselves.... I don't know why, I mean it is a lot of effort for someone to message someone for weeks, one person led me on for close to a fucking month and decides to be a flake...

[InbetweenDreams]

I mean I'd like to think I'm a decent guy, I mean how I am in person is surely different than what I am like on a forum...or online for that matter. I mean I am reasonably smart, I have a halfway decent job, I am half-way decent looking I think. I'm no skinny twink and frankly I think the chance at that has come and past.. I would basically have to starve myself for 6 months to get to a "twink" weight. Frankly, if that's what it takes, then I don't want to be gay at all. To kill yourself for someone else's satisfaction is fucking nuts. However, if you look at the guys online that's pretty much what they want... a skinny twink, but not fem, bottom, who buys you dinner....

I just want to have coffee and a fucking walk. God damn I don't ask for that much! I just want to snuggle on the couch watching something funny...like south park or whatever...

[matty7]

Good day at work but the local farmer decided to muck spread his fields - we all spent the day breathing in manure and believe me when I say that it really stunk the work place out

[InbetweenDreams]

Well I feel a little better now... I guess spending most of the day splitting wood and hauling up a hill does wonders... and it ended with s'mores

[Shawn]

I'm eating icecream in my bed watching movies cuz I got flu :frown:

[SilverBullet]

Thanks...

I don't know what it is here lately as I have been pretty good not to get depressed and well suicidal.... Although I suppose there's a few people in this world who probably do hate me enough to wish something bad would happen to me.

I have been pretty good up until a few weeks ago. A few years ago I had got into my car with the intent of driving it off (literally) the side of the mountain... I guess you could say I chickened out or just couldn't bring myself to do it. At the time I was self employed and had a moment thinking that I was basically a failure at life thinking I can run a "business" and add in everything else.

Then you get random messages from jerks like this... I might have posted this before too I can't remember..



I don't even know why I still posess the screenshot, turned out it was my "friend's" boyfriend at the time. His response was, "What do you want me to do about it? I don't keep him on a leash."

I really hope things get better. I get it. I don't expect to pick up a 10 to go on a date with, but I have had nothing but catfish-like guys... I assume these were real people. These guys will talk to you for weeks to get you into them and then they disappear... totally cruel.

Your exes boyfriend has problems. The fact he sought out someone else simply to down them is proof enough but the fact he is your exes boyfriend is concrete proof he has problems!
Dont let guys like this get to you! He is probably super insecure himself and needed an outlet to feel better. Your totally above him "A lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of sheep!"

[InbetweenDreams]

Yeah I figured as much. I mean I have my insecurities but I have never randomly been nasty to people like that, not without a reason anyway (I might have been wrong in my reasoning though).

That being said it is easy to slip into worrying about things like that. I mean I know better. That's the thing about depression, often for me it is a pity party but it's one I didn't want to begin with. When you start thinking about things like Jesus fucking Christ I'm 30, single...everyone else is married and living it up, making more money, happier... If we lived past lives and karma is a real thing what the hell did I do... Realistically, I think karma is crap, I see bad things happen to good people and good things happen to people who are bad... I guess that's off subject.

I think I get too caught up into worrying about health, career, parents and their health issues and staying too isolated... I really do feel at times that I am bothering people when I ask them if they want to hang out or something, so I usually never ask... I guess after a few bad experiences I just let people come to me now.

Anyway, enough of that.

[IanSaysHi]

I'm worried about something that I've worried about since I was about 18 and always sorts itself out but I still worry anyway.

Otherwise I'm content and sleepy. I feel like I should curl up in a ball, purr and go to sleep.