I think I broke up with my boyfriend...
And I also think he broke up with me, when I broke up with him?? Is that even possible?
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^ Care to explain the situation?
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So what actually happened was I met my former best friend, when I got to her home I met her boyfriend, nice guy. But he was ready to leave to work but it was a bit awkward moment since they didn't kiss goodbye.. and she turned to me when he keft and said "I know, there a silent war going on." Which made me respond "glad I'm not the only one in war" we went to a coffee place and there she started explaining what was going on... well I was just in shock to hear about why they were a bit distant to eachother after 2 years.. I mean the reason was just silly and it wasn't even something to call a fight... I mean in my home we'd call it a disagreement...
So she asked why I was in a war... -_- I was litterly like "girl I don't want to screw your barbie life with telling you my life. And she said "Ammon, we didn't spoke for 2 years but we were like brother and sister for 10 years, so air ir out!" Well I did and she was shocked and sad for my situation. And I told her I'm so sorry to ruine this day. She said "you ruined nothing, I can tell you feel reliefed, but why don't you just move out if you believe it will never work out? I have to say Ammon there are really other people that will deserve your kindness, honesty and love."
"If you can work it out together go for it but if you see that nothing changes, leave"
As I went home I was thinking, I'm going to hug him, kiss him and tell him I love him even though I wasn't to blame for our fight. And so I did, but he didn't hug me nor kiss me back and when I asked him if he actually loves me, he said "pfff I don't know anymore" that's where I told him, "well then its easy for me to say this, I give up. I love you but I don't like you anymore. You are not the person I met two years ago. I love you but I should love someone else who can love me back and in all honesty I don't need your love anymore, I even forgot how it felt to be loved by you." He said "it's becaus I simply don't love you" I said " I respect that and I really hope you mean that, because when I leave I don't want you to be sad, I want that it makes you happy because then I can leave also happy, and with that said, it's done between us" he was getting tears in his eyes and said "I'm the one thats done with you! Not other way around! I'm like "fine whatever goes best with your image.." So That was it, and honestly I don't feel all that sad, I do feel like crying but I can't figure out why... I do feel like I'm going to be happy once I leave, maybe lonely but I already am feeling lonely and I'm still here..
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I'm sorry for not bothering to spellcheck I'm so tired I only slept for 3 hrs yesterday..
Oh and sorry for the long post..
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Ahhhhh so much to do!!! So little time to do it all in!!!!!
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Today I woke up and thought 'enough'. So I went on Grindr and asked this guy to join me in bed. He was tall and muscular in a beefy kind of way, and his tight rugby top hinted at a light dusting of dark chest hair. This proved correct when he arrived and I soon tore his top off and pulled him up to the bedroom as we kissed each other forcefully and passionately. We quickly lost any remaining clothes as we ended up on my bed and proceeded to explore each other.
Oh who am I kidding. I woke up this morning on my day off with a fever, then proceeded to load the washing machine and vacuum the house. I've prepared dinner for when my housemate comes home later and now I'm exploring Netflix to find something to watch in bed.
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