2 years in and sex is gone

[homohooter]

Hey guys,

I'm 24 and I have been dating a younger guy (hes 20) for the last two years. I love him to death and he is perfect for me in every way but one... our sex life is non existant. For the last year and a half our sex life has been come down to sex maybe once a month if I'm lucky. It all started when he got diagnosed with syphilis. This was an issue since he said he was a virgin with only one or two sexual encounters when we started dating and I had previously been a man slut. The assumption of course was that I gave it to him but it turned out he was the infected one and I was clean. We had been dating for 6 months at this point so I wasn't sure how to take it since I had caught him texting other guys flirty messages and even on online dating sites. After some fighting and what not we got past it.

I thought things would go back to normal after that but no luck. Even after we got the green light from the doctor he wasn't really interested in sex. He said he was just having trouble getting over having an STD. I totally got it so I gave it some time. After a month or so I had enough so I talked to him about it again and we had great sex.

Yay things are back to normal! Nope again we were back to me trying to have sex and him pushing me away. Now he says the problem is me being to aggressive and putting to much pressure. Ok I give him space but he dosent make any moves after a month. I talk to him about it and we have great sex. Again he holds out after having sex once or twice.

Essentially this just goes on from then till now with him giving me some excuse each time. Bottoming hurts because i got tight, im constipated, your to aggressive, I'm so tired at night i can't, I dont like having sex when your roommate is around, It's more special if we do it every once in a while and the list goes on.

I'm not going to lie guys, I know I have a crazy sex drive. I mean i could do it like 5 times a day and still want more but once every two months is just not cutting it for me. I've resorted to porn and jerking off when hes not around because get this he gets upset if I jerk off. I dont want to break up because I love him but I'm reaching the end of my rope. I can't cheat on him an open relationship is out of the question because the idea of him with someone else kills me. I mean he dosent want to have sex with me why would he with other people. I mean were both young and in our 20s and were already having less sex than a married couple of 20 years. Please give your advice.

[Deedee]

Try having an Open relationship?

An open relationship is an interpersonal relationship in which the parties want to be together but agree to a form of a non-monogamous relationship. This means that they agree that a romantic or intimate relationship with another person is accepted, permitted, or tolerated. Generally, an open relationship is when the parties involved have two or more romantic or SEXUAL relationships occurring at the same time either as a short term relationship, such as dating, or long term relationship, such as marriage. For persons in open relationships sex may be more pleasing and they may engage in it more frequently than the average couple.

There are several different styles of open relationships. These include:

Multi-partner relationships, between three or more partners where a sexual relationship does not occur between all of the parties involved.

Hybrid relationships, when one partner is non-monogamous and the other is monogamous.

Swinging, in which singles or partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity.
-Wikipedia

I think Open relationship suits you, well who am i to judge. Thats my opinion though

[Deedee]

In addition

Reasons for entering an open relationship

An open relationship may form for various reasons. These include:

1.)a difference emerging between two people in a relationship

2.)one partner realizing that they are unable to fulfill the other's needs

3.)varying sex drive between partners

4.)one or both partners desiring more freedom, companionship, intellectual variety, or a variety of sexual partners

5.)a need for challenge: some people feel that their relationship is inadequate unless they are being challenged. Open relationships may create a sense of jealousy, attachment, or possessiveness, all of which are challenges for a relationship to work through. These emotions can also lead to greater self-awareness which may be seen as satisfying to those in open relationships.

6.)the enjoyment of new relationship energy, the state of heightened emotional and sexual receptivity and excitement experienced during the formation of a new relationship

7.)being able to meet other couples and individuals with a similar outlook with whom the participants can connect with on an intellectual and emotional level

8.)personal issues, using sex with different people as a form of distraction from certain problems (having troubles in a dysfunctional family, lacking friends, having been cheated on and trying to compensate for it, working in a stressful environment) or as a way of proving oneself that he/she is sexually attractive

9.)being in a relationship of convenience, that is, one that is not based on mutual feeling of love towards each other (anymore), but rather on economic or social factors

10.)distance - when partners live in separate parts of the world for part or all of the time.
---wiki XD


Just an opinion :O at the end of the day you're still the one to decide. :O wish you the beest and good luck

[pellaz]

tell me about it;;; its difficult to forgive. TRUST (a base components in any relationship) has a tendency to not want to flow back where it once was.

"other than your self is there anyone you would prefer to have sex with so keep trying"
you might try to communicate this idea to him so he feels he can replace the porn he frequents with you.

tell him every day 22 times you love him

[rmf]

You both are young... maybe you guys are no longer sexually compatible

[homohooter]

I've thought about an open relationship. I just have no idea how to bring up with him. We sorta talked about it when we first started dating because he was concerned that I was use to dating around and I was concerned he was so young and he never got to experience dating around. At end of our talk it was sorta obvious so he wasn't interested. I've talked to him about it so many times and I just dont feel like hes making an effort. But I love him like crazy and I'd feel lost without him. Sigh

[MisterTinkles]

From my viewpoint, an "open relationship" isnt a relationship, its just two fuckbuddies living together.

I would work from this from a more psychological standpoint.
Find out WHY he feels this way. Maybe go to couples therapy. Seems he has some major issues with having gotten an STD and he may need someone professional to talk too.

I had a room mate with "benefits" once, and he ended up getting anal warts somehow. He got them cured, but he didnt feel like sex with me anymore, because he felt "dirty"....although he went out with other guys, he wouldnt do it with me, because he had feelings for me.....but thats a whole other story.

Instead of possibly destroying what you have by involving other sex partners, I would see about making him mentally better. You might also use some therapy to help deal with your sex cravings when he's not in the mood.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

He has issues with sex.

Most likely it stems back to the STD which most likely caused a lot of panic and fear that he would give it to you. While that may be past now, the emotions that he went through are still there and I bet there is a nagging doubt that he is 'cured' and you are safe.

Also... The reaction and 'war' that rose up over this STD had its impact, I bet a lot of regrets were sown.

It only takes having sex once to get an STD. Yeah sure, someone can have sex with 100 men and come back clean, but at the same time a person can have sex just once and come back infected with God only knows what.

Assuming that all of that is true, he needs a therapist to work through his sex issues. And I would suggest couples counseling to work through relationship and sex issues between you two.

^^^ That up there was me being reasonable and trusting. Now to go the other way. I set aside my trust and use the power of the internet to do a bit of data gathering and crunch some numbers.

Syphilis is transmitted from person to person by direct contact with syphilis sores. Orally, anally, penis to penis, vagina to penis...

http://www.cdc.gov/std/syphilis/stdfact-syphilis.htm gives the low down on the disease.

You said: We had been dating for 6 months at this point

The CDC says:

How quickly do symptoms appear after infection?

The average time between infection with syphilis and appearance of the first symptom is 21 days, but it can range from 10 to 90 days.

Now I do not know the details here, but I do know enough math to know that 90 days is three months, and he was diagnosed 6 months into your relationship. Am I to assume that for at least 3 month he went around presenting sores? Neither you nor he noticed these sores?

In case you do not know what they look like: https://www.google.com/search?hl=en&suge...iwL0s4DwDA

I know I'm being an a$$hole here, but I was burnt in my last relationship, my ex came home with a positive test for HIV over 2 years after the start of our monogamous relationship. And I bought into the whole 'He could have been infected before we started dating' only to find out later (5 years down the road) that the truth was he got it about 16 months into our relationship when he had sex with his ex AFTER we were in a monogamous relationship.

I spent the rest of our relationship living with HIV in my house and living with the attending 'I don't want to have sex with you because I don't want to infect you' story. 12 years later I would discover through accident that in reality the only person in that relationship not having sex was me, he was out having sex with at least 10 different guys per year.

Due to the use of drugs during that 'one weekend stand' I also made other mistakes. I allowed a lot of things to pass and explained away a lot of behaviors which with 20/20 hindsight demonstrates I am an utter fool in matters of the heart.

Now I'm not saying that that is what is happening here, however I am seeing a similar pattern of his not wanting sex with you and his getting all upset because you take matters to hand to deal with your libido. I did that and ended up learning that what I thought that I was in a monogamous, sexless relationship really wasn't.

So this syphilis thing... I think by the way you present it with the timeline here is revealing of hidden truths which perhaps you need to think about and do a little research on. This isn't HIV which has been known to 'hide' for 6 years thus he could have picked it up before that 6 month window. This is a pretty active disease which presents symptoms within weeks not years, and definitely not waiting around for 6 months.

This whole 'I don't want sex with you and you are forbidden to jack off to porn' should not be allowed to fly. It is manipulative and controlling.

He can't have you sit there and have your balls explode from pent up frustration. Even if he isn't getting sex on the side, I find it difficult to believe he isn't relieving his own 'frustrations'.

I fear this story isn't adding up. I strongly suggest you go back to the syphilis thing, re-examine the timeline there and draw your own conclusions. You know how long you two declared monogamy for one another, you know if there were any signs or symptoms for the last 3 months before we was diagnosed.

While you are at it, ask yourself what else is he getting out of this relationship?

Do you provide the roof, the food, the security here? If you kicked him to the curb does he have someplace to go? A job? Is he co-dependent and leaning on you for emotional/mental support?

If there is a yes in any of that, then he most likely is using this relationship and out having fun and lying through his teeth - trying to have the best of both worlds.

I hate to be the Debbie Downer and the devil in this matter, I do hope that this is all on the up and up and he is faithful to you and that the first part here applies.

[TomStatic]

its a tough one , a good friend of mine who is a girl she had a boy friend that was like this he never wanted sex and she felt like she was rapeing him as he never did want it, it turned out he was texting other on the sly which to me showed he was having his own sexual fantisys with the people he was texting and when it came to the real thing it was not as statisfing as the sly texting whatever he was at, but basiclly she ended it with him and was for the best, i mean sex is part of a healthy relationship otherwise you are just friends with benefits basiclly haha

[Aems]

I know this is going to sound somewhat odd, but I was in the opposite position you are in right now; I had a GF a while ago just out of highschool. She was all the things you were talking about - perfect with the sense of humor, same hobbies, same conversational interest and physical activities...you name it.

The problem occurred when I started to want more freedom and felt like she was dragging on me. Wanting freedom is a weird thing sometimes because you don't know exactly what freedoms you want nor do you always have a perfect idea of what's restricting your autonomy. Long story short, the problem showed up sexually. I wasn't interested and I made up (shamefully) about a thousand excuses.

I'm not trying to say that's exactly what you're dealing with but I just know the feeling of loving someone while having a stale kind of sexual intimacy. It was really awkward and stifling for me.