My story,
I'm a 28yo gay male. and well I haven't been in a relationship yet. Depressing I know.
I have a few qualities / personality traits/ interests I'd like to find in a boyfriend. I don't think they are too unrealistic.
Recently I've made a friend who is also gay. I feel like he wants to take the relationship further than just friendship. He's a very nice guy and I could probably be happy being in a relationship with him. But, there's things about him that don't exactly fit what I'm looking for. He's slightly on the feminine side, and while we have a few interests in common there's some that I really enjoy that he's just not that into.
My question is, is letting go of some of the things I look for in a guy, too much of a compromise?
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Relationships are all about compromise whether they be conscious or unconscious.
I would also say that being too similar can be death for a relationship, you can get too interdependent and things can get boring. Just because your with someone doesn't mean that you have to do everything with someone.
Besides nobody says that relationships are permanent if his habits start to get more annoying or you think the relationship is more trouble than its worth then end it then.
If you avoid things because there might be something about it that you don't like then you would leave a very boring life.
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I would say that when personality and desired style of relationship is involved, don't compromise for convenience.
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Well, some qualities are usually dealbreakers, and some are more "nice to have" qualities. You definitely shouldn't expect to meet a guy that has all the things you're looking for, I think there's always something you need to compromise.
Because you haven't been in a relationship, it can be difficult to know what things are really important and which are just nice to have, but no required. I'd say go for it!
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wrx
do it, experience different things.
in the relationship each man can bring stuff to the table so they add up to more than just 2.0. Straight relationships, the other 95%, are based on differences.
I dont think its necessary to give up some superficial things you like. Honesty, forgiveness, trust, communication , respect are more important than a gaybro. i can do a car project alone just fine w/o my partner. may be very difficult to quit smoking for him
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How large is your list?
I have a few things I refuse to compromise on. Realistic things. The majority of the stuff I have on the list of 'I would like in my man....' can be modified comfortably depending on the individual.
It boils down to comfort levels and what else you get from this fellow.
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Thank you all very much for your thoughtful replies.
To answer a few questions that were asked. I would never compromise on fundamental personality traits like honesty, loyalty, and respect. It's the interests that I'm really into, like as my sn suggests I'm really into cars and performance Subaru. I also have a political value set that most gay men don't.
He's a bit feminine and tends to gossip. But he can be fun to be around and we do have some interests in common.
But yeah I guess I'm wrapped up in having someone too much like myself which I know will probably be impossible to find and might not be the best way to go anyway. I need to start somewhere.
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one day at a time.
it has happened to me that i wasnt particularly thrilled at some of my ex-partners traits when i first started hanging out with them but in time i learnt to overlook them and appreciate the stuff i did like.
it does take time, and the important thing is not to get involved with anyone you are unsure of; lest you play with other people's feelings by misguiding them.
if they are willing to give you time and space perhaps you can experience what i have, and enjoy a really nice relationship. then again, perhaps it will bother you to no end and you just move on.
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First off, youre dealing with a human being.....youre not buying a fucking car.
To keep this simple as possible.......
You keep what defines you as a decent human being and a worthwhile partner.
Everything else can go in the garbage.
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