is it a comprimise to let go of certain things your looking for in a partner?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

My story,
I'm a 28yo gay male. and well I haven't been in a relationship yet. Depressing I know.
I have a few qualities / personality traits/ interests I'd like to find in a boyfriend. I don't think they are too unrealistic.

Recently I've made a friend who is also gay. I feel like he wants to take the relationship further than just friendship. He's a very nice guy and I could probably be happy being in a relationship with him. But, there's things about him that don't exactly fit what I'm looking for. He's slightly on the feminine side, and while we have a few interests in common there's some that I really enjoy that he's just not that into.

My question is, is letting go of some of the things I look for in a guy, too much of a compromise?

Giving up 100% anything you love to do is not really a compromise.

Lets say your thing is camping/hiking. Why can't you two compromise on that, say instead of sleeping out in just a sleeping bag you rent one of those mini-RV's or a cabin with and electrical outlet so he can do his hair? Take 'easy' day hikes and introduce him to your world - in a nice gentle way...

And the same goes the other way here, lets say his thing is oh, I don't know - mall shopping and you absolutely positively don't get the whole ' hunting down the sales' thing. Once in a while you go with him and actively participate - a little. No this doesn't mean you fume and fuss and make a lot of noise while he tackles the other shoppers fighting for that 10% discounted item you all don't need.

THAT is compromise, you both give a little, and you try to meet each other in the middle.

[luvichutha]

Is there a difference between a compromise and a sacrifice?
I was raised in a culture where people in marriage put their spouses' needs before their own. Certainly it is not one-way sacrifice. There isn't, however, a discussion between the spouses what they will give up. It is implied.

Perhaps it's different in American culture.

[pellaz]

I love to work on cars but don't think I would tolerate a republican in the house

[Sharo]

When you meet someone new, don't take out your checklist, that's all, if the guy will turn out to be right the "traits he should have" won't matter anymore, if some things bother you - it's not the right guy. Why making your life complicated like that? Just see what happens.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

I think for me, if you want to wait for Mr Perfect, in the belief that he is out there, well you may be in for a very long, lonely, wait.

Relationships are all about compromises, although of course what your willing to compromise on will be very personal to you.

For me it was smoking. Ive never smoked, I hate being around smokers, and I don't like the smell.

Had a (blind) date with a guy and found out he smoked. Hated it, said our goodbye's and thought that was that. Nothing ventured etc...

We will be 10 years together in May. Sure we have our moments, who doesn't. Oh and he still smokes. I still hate it. LoL

ObW
X

[cardiganwearer]

I love to work on cars but don't think I would tolerate a republican in the house

Get your cleaning stuff together and get round here now, my monitor needs cleaning.

To the OP, the last thing you want to do is compromise, but it should always be on the list.

[Rumble88]

Lets say you like playing video games and he doesn't, thats not a problem for the relationship. But there are some things that we can't ignore. For me; i dont know why but if the person does something.. feminen then he directly goes into the friendzone. It just happens. And i can't tolarete racist or narrow minded people who keeps commenting. I suggest you not to push it if you can't see him in that special place.

[wrxboyjay]

Thanks again everybody for the advice and replies. I wish I had revisited this page before doing what I did last night it might have had me looking at the situation in a different light.

I told this guy how I felt, that I'd like to be friends, nothing more and at first he acted like it wasn't a problem. Then I got a text telling he was thinking about it and thought we shouldn't be friends. I guess he was a little more into me than I was into him.

This sucks because not only did I lose someone who could have been a cool friend, I don't have any others as I just recently moved to where I am.

But I guess I can take something from the experience.

[pellaz]

Sorry it turned out not as expected. You had some significant differences with him

No big tho

Myself; I really never found anyone even close to my interests, I like cars and bikes. I found a nice boy but lots of compromise for both of us.

I don't really like hanging with my old straight friends. Drives their wives crazy and for good reason.

[Kiid]

Choices we make. Only compromise if you want to. If you don't then don't do it cos you could cause unnesasery pain. I personally wont settle for anything other than the best but my idea of the best and yours are completely different. Take what you want I suppose. But think of other people not just yourself.

P.S my computer doesn't know how to spell.