trywait Wrote:where do i begin?
technically, i was adopted before i was 1. all my life, whom i thought was my real family wasnt. i only found out about my adoption in 2003 at the age of 22. i should really count my lucky stars because the only family i have ever known is my adoptive family and i grew up in a very loving home and never felt like an outsider.
my grandparents primarily raised me and i cherish them more than anything! the two of them have always supported me! since my lola passed away in 1999, my mom has been the primary care giver of her dad. when i look at their dynamics, i can only pray and hope that i can have that same relationship....esp now that my grandpa is at the sunset of life.
after i left home in 2004, my relationship with my mom has only improved. beyond being a parent, she is also my advisor and confidant. hopefully, if i ever have children, i can only emulate my mum, lola, and lolo.
Now THATS something I LIKE to hear! Bravo for your parents not being so selfish and go for adoption.
SOOOO many kids out there that NEED good people in their lives and dont get them.
If I had the money, Id definately have a farm and adopt a bunch of kids to live there and grow up there. I dont consider myself "parent" material by any means, but I think I would be a better friend or "big brother"......because even though there were people there in my life, I really never had parents, and Ive learned the hard way what people need to survive and learn in this life, and 99 percent of these kids never get any of that.
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Tyrion Wrote:Wow, to the main poster (and others), I feel for you.
Not to get too much into it, but my father was an abusive alcoholic who beat my mother on a daily basis. I was born with a birth defect which caused weak bones.. and he even broke my arm in a drunken rage at one point, or so I was told. Luckily, my mom left after that.. but truth is.. parents are rarely if ever perfect. I've not spoken to or have had any contact with my father since age 5.. and I'm fine with that. I still love my mother, but we have issues. My sister has decided to cut off all ties, simply because she cannot get over the abuse she had to deal with growing up. It's the only way she could move on with her life.
I'm no professional by any means, but I guess the only way to deal with it is to worry about your own life and concentrate on yourself. When you come from a household of abuse / struggle / etc / all you can really do is work to better your own life and create something for yourself. Whether you forgive or not, is entirely up to you.
Such a wise mans thoughts in a young brain!!!
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I treat my mom like a friend. She's really close to me, and we can talk about everything. However, because we are really close, we could also have little quarrels. But thats fine, we reconcile easily. With my dad, I am not that close to him but we have a good relationship. Since he was always away, didnt have the time to talk to him that much unlike my mom.
Im very happy that they raised me well and taught me the right values. I will be forever grateful to have them as my parents, even if I would live once more, i would still choose them to be my parents 
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My dad passed before I came out to anyone.
When I came out to my mum (very catholic) it was acknowledged and never talked about again.
Ive been with partner almost 10 years, and it took her 6 years before she sent a christmas card to both of us LoL.
I just see it as an age/generation thing. It was no big deal for me.
I do have some sympathy for todays generation who seem to feel the pressure to come out at a much younger age, which means parental reaction has a significantly bigger part to play in their development and acceptance.
YouTube is full of "good" coming out stories. You don't hear much about the bad ones, but Ive heard of a few which make for very sober reading.
ObW
X
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I have a complicated relationship with my parents and my whole family... But probably I have a complicated relation with everything.
I had very huge problems with my father and, ok it's so difficult to say, but I really hated him for many years... I will not reveal the details, but he always tried to make me an extension of him. His family did the same with him and her sister, her sister tryied to did the same with her daughters, but I was the first and only male in the 'dinasty' (I know, it's crazy) after my father... He was a very problematic person... Etc.
Now, after almost 10 years of very very very bad situations, a lot of therapies and other things, I won my battle with the problems with him, I'm not hating him more.
Now I'm here, in another country, not meeting him in person from six months, but If i have a nightmare while sleeping, he is certainly the protagonist, and probably will be so forever.
With my mother... A complicated situation too, she could have it all, a very huge carreer, a good family, but she tried to save and protect everything, starting from my father. I am fragile and pride like my father but a stupud altruist like my mother, I tried to protect everything since I was a little kid.
I respect her, but not because is my mother, and once I tried to stop loving her... Now we have a little nervous and tense relationship, and probably we are not so able to express our love for each other, but she is very important for me and I hope I became mportant for her.
I really wanna help her, if she needs my help.
When my mother told me: 'We don't see you from months, we want to come to London to see you...' I sadly answered: ' if you come with him, I will make sure you do not find me.'
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My relationship with my parents is alright. I don't talk as much as maybe I should, but we're in a good place.
They don't know I'm Bi and they don't need to, but I suspect that if I ever were to tell them, it'd be fine. My dad used to be pretty homophobic, but he came a long way and is now pro gay-marriage. Actually, that happened back in 2003. I wrote an essay in American History and I chose to write about why Gay Marriage should be legal. I got a 100% on it, my teacher thought it was so good that she submitted it to the Orlando Tribune (I think that's the name of the big paper out there) though it never got published to my knowledge. I ended up showing my dad because it had gotten so much praise, and he said that I had changed his mind on the subject.
Anyway, I've had some ups and downs with my dad, but ultimately they were my fault for being a douchebag. Not that he's perfect, but I recognize my own failings too.
I'm agnostic and I THINK my mom knows it, but I'm not sure anymore. Either way, she wants me to come to church with her when I move in with her (temporarily) in a month. I think that's much largely because she likes having the people in her life meet me. Plus, she plays piano/organ and she's been doing it all her life, she's very good. So I enjoy that. Don't really care about the rest of the service, but usually the people are nice.
Yea, it's pretty good.
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The relationship I have with my parents?
Well, I had a father who abused my mother into Women in Crisis, and then abused me and the rest of my family. My brother and I went to family events and held our breath, terrified that someone would say something that might upset our father, because while he'd smile and laugh, he'd take out his fury at us later.
He knew I was gay, although I think he think I am bi-sexual, for whatever unfathomable reason. He used to call me a 'waste of genetic material', and made my life as difficult as humanly possible, without ever getting arrested. I was pretty fucked up.
In grade 10, I made some of the best friends someone could ask for, and they stuck with me and accepted my quirks very well, and I've grown a lot. One of my best friend's father also knew I was gay, probably because he paid attention and was like, "Oh. This random boy is best friends with my daughter, and hasn't even held her hand yet.". He told me that if anything ever got too unbearable to handle, that I could move in with them. I was super suspicious, and then realised his profile photo on Facebook was Matthew Shepperd. I THINK I might have cried.
Anyway, I've come pretty far. I haven't come forward as gay to everyone, but I'm able to talk about it to some people now. At one point, I physically would have had an anxiety attack even typing this message. Today I can do that. Today, if a girl flirts with me (it happens often), I can tell her why it wouldn't work. I came forward about the abuse my father was giving to me and my brother, of which shaming my sexuality was a very small part of, and my mother had the police escort her to his apartment with garbage bags, where she packed all of my stuff and stormed out, furious that he had dared to do to us what he had done to her. She told me that she wanted to believe he could love his children, even if he hated his wife.
Today I live with my mom, and she doesn't know I am gay, but I think she might suspect it. She is pro-gay, in fact she is pro LGBT, and her boyfriend has a bi-sexual daughter. My cousin recently came out, and my brother was like "EEWWW OMG THAT'S GROSS WHAT THE FUCK", but after a week, said, "He's still my cousin. I miss him, can we visit him again soon?". So these are all nice.
Having all these things happen to me, surviving someone like my dad, has made me a very kind person. I know what it's like to have nothing, or to feel like it anyway. I am very intelligent, I am very hopeful, and I will never let a friend suffer alone. I don't want anyone to feel the way I did as a child.
The only thing I want to do now is to come out to my mother, and then everyone else. I want to tell my mom first, because I personally want to be the one to tell her. I'm not scared, but it is hard.
But I know when the time comes, and when I know I am ready, it will work out okay. And then I can focus on school, and finding a boyfriend, preferably one who has a similar perspective to me. .
OP: In the words of my mother, "If you work at it hard enough, you can become whatever person you want to become.". And you, YOU, are the main person you should focus on. .
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Amazing story and great perspective.
You're gonna do GREAT!
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Oh I had a wonderful relationship with my parents.... 
As you know, my mother was a practicing witch who subjected me to ritual abuse. This includes psychological, physical, sexual and other forms of abuse you can't imagine.
She died in 2007. I was so far out of contact with her I didn't learn about her death until 2012, and that was through a third party who used the internets to dig up information.
I am mostly relieved that she is dead..... Mostly.
In truth I want to know where her body is - I want to dance on her grave.
She left scars on me, both physical and mental/emotional. I still have her literal mark on my body, the tattoo she put on me by drugging me and putting me in a circle and doing God only knows what ritual. I do know it included blood... something was sacrificed that night while there was a lot of blood splattered around, I found no body.
My father was abusive too, but he didn't make it a fine art like mother did. He was abusive enough to where I haven't even exchanged Christmas cards for over a decade. After learning of my mother's death I did some internet snooping to find out if the old bastard had kicked off as well.
He is still alive, living on his 'homestead' with his wife.
The difference between my feelings for him compared to my mother is that I am mostly indifferent to him. I really don't care either way if he lives, if he dies... I was just curious.
My mother, on the other hand, I hate. I hate her with a passion. I cannot and will not forgive her - ever.
Cannot - meaning I am unable to forgive. Will not, meaning I'm not even willing to try to forgive.
I hated her and still hate her, and if there was a hell she would be the only person I would wish to burn there for all eternity. A well deserved place for her.
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These stories are so difficult to read. Honestly, some of them, I wasn't able to read from start to finish in one go.
It doesn't make my troubles smaller for me, because I know I have to work through them to be able to move on, but I really feel for you all.
For everyone: do you think there was something that could help you at that difficult time? Is there anything a stranger can do? 
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