What is your relationship with your parents like?

[TimeSage]

The relationship I have with my parents?


Today I live with my mom, and she doesn't know I am gay, but I think she might suspect it. She is pro-gay, in fact she is pro LGBT, and her boyfriend has a bi-sexual daughter. My cousin recently came out, and my brother was like "EEWWW OMG THAT'S GROSS WHAT THE FUCK", but after a week, said, "He's still my cousin. I miss him, can we visit him again soon?". So these are all nice.

You should come out to your mother. If she's as pro LBGT as you claim, why are you bothering to keep it a secret? Are you afraid or waiting for the right time?

[Alexei]

Wow some of these stories are pretty crazy. I feel for those of you with bad childhood experiences or unsupportive parents. I really do.

I've been fortunate enough to have a loving and supportive mom and dad. Mom was always the authoritative figure in our family. She's a very strong woman and smart too. Just a little lazy nowadays, I don't blame her though. She's worked very hard for us. So has my dad, not to knock him or anything but mom has worked a lot harder for her kids. Im very close to mom, when I came out she told me "You're still my son, my baby. Im gonna love you no matter what." And then she went to my sisters kids baseball game and cried like a baby. She blamed herself for some time but I told her it wasn't her fault and that its not like that. Shes over it now. We joke about it often and bond over wine and forensic shows lol

Dad and I aren't as close. Growing up he made the effort to take me out places, spend time with me working on his trucks and whatnot. And it seemed like at times he would try to buy my love with toys and money. It was only til I came out to him that we became closer. Well actually I didn't tell him myself. You see, dads been in jail a few times. Hes not a bad man, just makes really stupid decisions and is easily influenced. So during one of his 'vacations' lol Mom had told him over the phone......like her, he cried like a baby. When I finally got the nerve to talk to him, he asked me "Are you sure that's what you want son? You know guys like you aren't treated very nicely in jail." I laughed! "Dad, first off. I don't have a choice, cant help how I feel. Second, whos says im going to jail?" He just stood quiet. I think we were closest when I was 21. Bonding over beer and cars (Thanks to dad Im able to swap out my own transmissions) he would tell me stories about how him and his straight friends would party at gay clubs. Sounds fishy right? lol jk

Overall my relationship with my parents is alright. I could definitely be a lot closer to dad.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

These stories are so difficult to read. Honestly, some of them, I wasn't able to read from start to finish in one go.
It doesn't make my troubles smaller for me, because I know I have to work through them to be able to move on, but I really feel for you all.

For everyone: do you think there was something that could help you at that difficult time? Is there anything a stranger can do?

Not really. I went to therapists, groups, AA/NA, bars, everything. While there was lots of nice advice and a lot of really, really messed up advice (and drugs and alcohol mixed in there too).

Ultimately I had to find what worked for me to deal with the crap and move on... well move on as much as possible considering.

The right therapist will sit there, listen to you and help steer your conversation down different roads you may not have traveled. It is a process, sort of like peeling an onion, each layer you remove you discover more about who and what you are and those discoveries help YOU to figure out how to deal with whatever it is you are having trouble with.

You can do this for yourself. For most of us it is a terrifying process to do it alone, there is usually a lot of things we do not want to look at, not alone, not by ourselves.

But, it is possible...

Therapists will sit there and make listening noises 'Mmmhmm' and they will ask repeatedly 'And how does that make you feel?'...

Figuring out how X makes you feel is usually the most difficult part of the process... The rest seems to come more or less naturally once you understand the problem from the angle of 'how does that make you feel?'.

For better or for worse I am the net sum of all of my parts. All of the ugly that happened to me formed me, molded me, made me into the person I am today.

I have to wonder if I had an easy life, a 'normal' childhood if I would be as nice a person as I am today ?

For better or for worse you are the net sum of your programming.

Now you can change how you act/react to all of that 'crap', you can choose what lessons you take from it and you can learn from it and grow as a person - if you want to.

Perhaps a therapist or a third party can help, a little, to guide you a bit on that road of self discovery, but ultimately you are going to have to turn over all of those stones, clear the path and do the heavy lifting.

[MisterLove]

Not good. My mother is a violent schizophrenic and my father is a homophobe that cheats on his wife and only cares about money. Sad but true.

[TomStatic]

Mine is ok i mean they dont care that im gay as long as im happy , which is great, but i never can really connect to my parents on a higher level than just small talk really , just how it has always been really, which suits me fine, my bf'and his mom and da are so close like best friend close with them and i am a little Jealous of this when im at his place, but its how it is and can't change that

[ardus]

I had what I like to think was a fairly normal relationship with my parents.
I was close with my mom, she was the communicator of the family, my dad was the disciplinarian. As I got older, I started to appreciate the roles they played and why they were important to my development as a person.

My dad died when I was 22, I was just starting to get to know him as an adult by that time. I think I will always feel I missed something because I never really got close to him as an equal, rather than as a person he was responsible for developing.

I'm as close as a guy in the closet can expect to be with my mom. She supports everything I've told her about my life, she doesn't know about my sexuality, but, if I think about it totally objectiveally, I think, she'd have a hard time at first, but her love for me would win out in the end.

If my dad were alive, and he found out about my sexuality, I think he'd be very disappointed in me, but still want to guide me, because that's the vibe I learned from him as I got older. He was not as concerned about who I wanted to be as he was about who I became, if that makes sense.

I really feel for the guys that had bad upbringings, I don't know how I would have turned out if I had had to deal with that stressor.

Richard

[megumidesu]

I really feel for the guys that had bad upbringings, I don't know how I would have turned out if I had had to deal with that stressor.

just the guys ?
oh ...

[sillyboy86]

Big Hugs for Everyone!

[historical]

my parents are f**ked up - I don't have much respect for them - I tolerate them

my earliest memory is of my father pushing my mother down the stairs....

they divorced when I was ten and got back together a year later, only for me to discover my father was having an affair when I was 15 - that got tricky - if it was nowadays I'd have been put into care with the way they behaved towards each other, without regard for me their only child; it was a violent, mentally disturbing household

then my mother met my future step-father, who punched me in the face but she still went ahead and married him anyway - nice to be thought of so much

apart from one friend I have, most people I know have some issues with the way their parents behaved or brought them up - I think you are lucky if you have no issues from childhood

hope you find a way to navigate your issues